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Charles R
03-05-2008, 07:01
Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.


2) Drink a cup of coffee


3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total:$21.00
==========

Oil Change instructions forMen :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.


2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.


3) Open a beer and drink it.


4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.


5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.


6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


7) Place drain pan under engine.


8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.


9) Give up and use crescent wrench.


10) Unscrew drain plug.


11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.


12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.


13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.


14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.


15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.


16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can toavoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.


17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.


18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.


19) Remember drain plug from step 11.


20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.


21) Drink beer.


22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.


23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.


24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.


25) Begin cussing fit.


26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.


27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.


28) Beer.


29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.


30) Beer.


31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.


32) Beer.


33) Lower car from jack stands.


34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.


35) Beer.


36) Test drive car.


37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.


38) Car gets impounded.


39) Call loving wife, make bail.


40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts:$50.00
DUI:$2500.00
Impound fee:$75.00
Bail:$1500.00
Beer:$20.00
Total:$4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

ScubaJW
03-05-2008, 08:52
Very funny!

Defman
03-05-2008, 11:51
Dang!!! It's like they were there!!!!

Tableleg
03-05-2008, 12:59
I did that last weekend. It's good to know I'm not alone! :smiley36:

marchand
03-05-2008, 14:20
Since when is an oil change $20.00 at jiffy lube? I thought it was more than that.

Bert
03-05-2008, 15:08
$20 @ jiffy lube.. more proof that women lie about what they spend

newways
03-05-2008, 17:47
Now that's a good day :)

Bigg_Budd
03-05-2008, 19:36
Damn that's good.

Willar
03-15-2008, 21:14
Man, sometimes the truth hurts!

FyVe
03-15-2008, 21:43
i love that, specially since i change my own oil. (nothing like that by the way)

emalebiga
03-18-2008, 20:34
I remember 3rd time I changed my oil in High School specifically because I forgot to put the oil in. I learned that a car without oil in it sounds like a diesel engine. Then Had to put oil in, run it for a day and change the oil again. Surprisingly I have the same car 7 years later and it is running great.

Another fun time stripping the oil plug after 8 - 10 oil changes using a 16mm wrench because you can never find the 9/16". then trying to use a easy out on the plug and realize that you put it on just a little to tight. So of course I used a air chisel to reform the plug so i could loosen it up with a plumbers wrench.

EuphoriaII
03-20-2008, 23:54
Sad but true

NoTime58
03-21-2008, 07:09
Sounds to me like a well planned day.....you accomplished an oil change, a buzz, and helped the local police brush up on their arresting tactics, not to mention increasing the city bank account with the bail money, and you kept your wife busy running errands, ( borrowing money to bail you out and finding the local jail without a map) !!

FyVe
03-21-2008, 16:02
Sad but true

there was nothing sad there... that was a really productive day.

hoobascooba
03-21-2008, 16:56
this is total crap.

but a good joke at best.

scubasamurai
03-22-2008, 23:06
couldn'tstop laughing between beers'

NucMed Man
03-22-2008, 23:42
I laughed, I cried, then remebered I don't know where my 9/16th or Crescent wrench is, so guess need to open a cold one and think about it.:smiley20:

Ohio_diver16
04-06-2008, 22:05
I can honestly say I'm crying over this one. Hilarious and oh-so-true! It's almost like it should be a commercial

boroguy
04-09-2008, 00:19
haha that is awesome

Crimediver
04-09-2008, 06:56
I am in a situation where my 4Runner with 300,000 miles leaks enough oil leak that I never change the filter. I just keep adding oil. Reading that makes me long for the good old days when I got to wrestle with the filter.
I think I may go change it just for the fun of it!

mitsuguy
04-09-2008, 07:38
I am in a situation where my 4Runner with 300,000 miles leaks enough oil leak that I never change the filter. I just keep adding oil. Reading that makes me long for the good old days when I got to wrestle with the filter.
I think I may go change it just for the fun of it!

um, the oil filter will still get gunked up even if you are leaking oil... I could see never actually changing the oil maybe, but, filter, is a definite... in fact, if it's been on there as long as you claim, there's a good chance it's just being bypassed anyways...

Crimediver
04-09-2008, 07:59
I am afraid to touch anything on it. I wanna see it go to 400,000 miles.
I had a burst disc go on an aluminum 80 inside the vehicle last summer. Due to the rust holes in the rear fenderwells all it did was blow out the side window. Gotta love it. The 4Runner has devine protection bestowed on it by virtue of having personalized license plates that say SEA HUNT. It probably doesn't even need oil.

reactive
04-09-2008, 10:35
Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles overdue since the last oil change.


2) Drink a cup of coffee


3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total:$21.00
==========



I fixed it for you

Murloc
04-24-2008, 12:58
no such thing as a $20 oil change from Jiffy Lube, ESPECIALLY if a woman takes the car in.....by the time the guy has finished talking her into the air filter after showing her the old one that looks like it came off a tank in the Iraqi desert, and the new windshield wipers because the old ones left streaks, and the new fuel filter because with the price of gas now days she really should have the cleanest gas going into the engine, and oh by the way..when was the last time the differential fluid was checked?...radiator flushed?....wow, those brake pads are really thin.....etc, etc, etc.....

$20 my arse

mixahl
04-24-2008, 14:01
There are some private own shops in CA that give you an oil change and free car wash for $25....its amazing....(if its really oil)

mike_s
04-24-2008, 14:16
A few days ago I was driving through town when I developed car trouble. While I was waiting for my car, a woman came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten" part.

We all looked at each other, and another customer asked, "What is a 'seven-hundred-ten?'"

The woman replied, "You know, the little thingy in the middle of the engine; I lost it and need a new one--it had always been there until today."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked him to draw what the piece looked like.

He drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

The mechanic then took the woman over to another car that had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

The woman pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."


(Scroll down to see what he was pointing to...)

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.http://personal.ecu.edu/snyderh/Images/710.jpg

mixahl
04-24-2008, 14:17
hahahahaaaaa.....goood one

elijahb
05-02-2008, 18:01
$20 @ jiffy lube.. more proof that women lie about what they spend
yeah a little cheap for an oil change at least in Edmonton Alberta