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BSea
03-12-2008, 12:57
Kentucky :
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the
University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Kentucky women.

Alabama :
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in
two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?"
the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. You left
Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A
tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to
steal Henry!"



Louisiana :
A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying... "When the end
of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana " When asked why, he
replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in
Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.



Mississippi :
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, ! somebody just stole your pickup truck from
the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young
man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.

"Tennessee :
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"



And My Favorite:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the
car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby
studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around
and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man
replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with
the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to
put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand
it neither."

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear ofanyone retiring and moving north.

Foo2
03-12-2008, 14:35
Those are cute Bsea

WV Diver
03-12-2008, 15:08
Those are great.

thor
03-12-2008, 15:10
Those are jokes. I thought those were southern news stories

lifeispunny
03-12-2008, 15:22
Whoo hooo! Jokes about Rednecks and not one of them was in Texas! Yew Haw!

mm_dm
03-12-2008, 15:25
Good stuff, BSea! And thanks for leaving Texas out of it.

thor
03-12-2008, 15:32
Good stuff, BSea! And thanks for leaving Texas out of it.


Here are some Texas jokes



Texas :
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the
University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Texas women.

Texas :
A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in
two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?"
the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. You left
Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A
tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to
steal Henry!"


Texas :
A senior at Texas State was overheard saying... "When the end
of the world comes, I hope to be in Texas " When asked why, he
replied he'd rather be in Texas because everything happens in
Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Texas :
The young man from Texas came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, ! somebody just stole your pickup truck from
the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young
man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.

Texas :
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


And My Favorite:
A man in Texas had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the
car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby
studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around
and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man
replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with
the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to
put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand
it neither."

Foo2
03-12-2008, 15:36
Alright smarty!



Good stuff, BSea! And thanks for leaving Texas out of it.


Here are some Texas jokes



Texas :
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the
University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Texas women.

Texas :
A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in
two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?"
the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. You left
Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A
tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to
steal Henry!"


Texas :
A senior at Texas State was overheard saying... "When the end
of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana " When asked why, he
replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in
Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Texas :
The young man from Texas came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, ! somebody just stole your pickup truck from
the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young
man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.

Texas :
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


And My Favorite:
A man in Texas had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the
car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby
studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around
and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man
replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with
the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to
put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand
it neither."

emcbride81
03-12-2008, 23:08
Those are great.

I noticed you got off with no attacks on your state! That doesn't happen very often! :smiley36:

terrillja
03-12-2008, 23:19
Those are great.

I noticed you got off with no attacks on your state! That doesn't happen very often! :smiley36:
True, just like marriage outside of your family isn't common in wv. Then agin there are some weird things that go on in the deep woods of NH too...

WV Diver
03-13-2008, 05:12
Those are great.

I noticed you got off with no attacks on your state! That doesn't happen very often! :smiley36:
I wasn't going to point that out. :smiley36:

mm_dm
03-13-2008, 06:40
Good stuff, BSea! And thanks for leaving Texas out of it.


Here are some Texas jokes



Texas :
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the
University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Texas women.

Texas :
A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in
two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?"
the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. You left
Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A
tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to
steal Henry!"


Texas :
A senior at Texas State was overheard saying... "When the end
of the world comes, I hope to be in Texas " When asked why, he
replied he'd rather be in Texas because everything happens in
Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Texas :
The young man from Texas came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, ! somebody just stole your pickup truck from
the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young
man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.

Texas :
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


And My Favorite:
A man in Texas had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the
car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby
studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around
and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man
replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with
the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to
put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand
it neither."


You funny guy:smiley36:...but you forgot one. How do you tell a road-kill deer from a road-kill Texan?
There's skid marks leading up to the deer.

mm_dm
03-13-2008, 07:35
Those are great.

I noticed you got off with no attacks on your state! That doesn't happen very often! :smiley36:
I wasn't going to point that out. :smiley36:


Wait, no one gets outta here alive....:smiley36:

What do you have when you get 32 West Virginians together?

A full set of teeth:smiley36:

Not a redneck joke, but this one's for Thor:smiley36:

How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off of his head

(rim-shot) :smiley32::smiley32::smiley32::smiley32::smiley32:

Thanks folks, I'm here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

thor
03-13-2008, 08:48
Those are great.

I noticed you got off with no attacks on your state! That doesn't happen very often! :smiley36:
I wasn't going to point that out. :smiley36:


Wait, no one gets outta here alive....:smiley36:

What do you have when you get 32 West Virginians together?

A full set of teeth:smiley36:

Not a redneck joke, but this one's for Thor:smiley36:

How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off of his head

(rim-shot) :smiley32::smiley32::smiley32::smiley32::smiley32:

Thanks folks, I'm here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.


..did you just fly in here today, and boy are your arms tired? Good one. The funny thing is that I always heard the roadkill joke as a lawyer joke

BSea
03-13-2008, 08:51
The funny thing is that I always heard the roadkill joke as a lawyer joke

That's one of the good things about these jokes. 1 size fits all.:smiley20:

And just to show I can take a joke.

How do you know when you've left Arkansas? Toilet paper no longer says "TEAR HERE".

And no I didn't delete that one from my original post.

mm_dm
03-13-2008, 08:54
Not to hijack the thread, but check this out. And my mama always said not to play with my food.

YouTube - REDNECK ART made with BBQ RIBS (http://youtube.com/watch?v=j3pz2VgIM7E&feature=bz302)

BSea
03-13-2008, 09:00
Not to hijack the thread, but check this out. And my mama always said not to play with my food.

YouTube - REDNECK ART made with BBQ RIBS (http://youtube.com/watch?v=j3pz2VgIM7E&feature=bz302)

So this should be a lesson to all of those mothers (you know who you are).

Let your kids play with their food.

Theepdinker
03-13-2008, 11:16
Here's Rednecks as humor.
Redneck Scrap Book (http://boortz.com/more/funny/redneck_pics.html)

Theep

mm_dm
03-13-2008, 12:38
Here's Rednecks as humor.
Redneck Scrap Book (http://boortz.com/more/funny/redneck_pics.html)

Theep

I can't decide between the redneck Prom Dress and the Red Neck Sex Ed Class for favorites. OTOH, it may require massive amounts of beer this weekend to erase the pic of the Redneck Gramma.

mark44883
03-13-2008, 13:57
thats funny i don't care who you are