PDA

View Full Version : How to fail your open water test



EuphoriaII
04-04-2008, 22:24
a. Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.
b. Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
c. Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "wossies".
d. Show up with a set of tables based on your own
algorithm "that's WAY better".
e. Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
f. Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.
g. Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder
with 2000 pounds of air in it.
h. When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of
travel brochures.

terrillja
04-04-2008, 22:35
Tell them that you read on the internet that the correct way to do the skill is x, and that the instructor is wrong.

scubasamurai
04-04-2008, 22:38
have your instructor on your first OW dive zip up your wetsuit while it is on backwards and doesn't notices. and my favorite not removing the forms from your new fins and asking what are these for!!!!!

reactive
04-05-2008, 01:12
have your instructor on your first OW dive zip up your wetsuit while it is on backwards and doesn't notices. and my favorite not removing the forms from your new fins and asking what are these for!!!!!

There was a guy in my OW class that was complaining that his fins hurt his feet. He had left the forms in. When the instructor told him to check, 3 other students silently took the forms out of their fins as well! haha

Rileybri
05-22-2008, 11:00
I handed my partner a rubber chicken from my BC pocket when we did our OOA drills. Our instructor nearly spit out reg from laughing.:smilie39:Does that count??

DOWNDEEP73
05-22-2008, 11:04
While under water doing skills....use hand signals to the instructor for a smoke break

jbanks27
05-23-2008, 16:02
1. Continuously try to leave the platform and go deeper than the class... The DM's will love you.
2. Continously ask the instructor how deep they have gone and complain that your not going deep enough for your skills (In front of the class).
3. Do your own ESA without the instructor. Holding your breath on the way up.
4. While on the platform, reach over and turn off your buddies air.
5. While breifing the dive, sneak down to the dock, gear up, and go solo diving while the class doesn't know where you are.
6. Between dives, don't go and refill your tank, 750 pounds should be plenty for your dive.

coral cowgirl
05-23-2008, 18:53
Tell them that you read on the internet that the correct way to do the skill is x, and that the instructor is wrong.

_______________

Oh boy....yep, that'll do it.

Charles R
05-23-2008, 19:03
When your instucter gives to the sign for remove mask and replace rip his off and swim away.:smiley20:

Scotttyd
05-23-2008, 20:17
Bring the reeds for underwater basket weaving

DevilDiver
05-23-2008, 20:33
Follow the DI around and repeat everything he says. Then sit on the side of the pool holding your reg muttering "My Precious".

DevilDiver
05-23-2008, 20:34
Just a thought but if it's a PADI course and the check clears will they fail you? :smiley2:

Scotttyd
05-23-2008, 21:37
Just a thought but if it's a PADI course and the check clears will they fail you? :smiley2:
hey I am PADI OW :smiley31:

scubasamurai
05-23-2008, 23:12
Just a thought but if it's a PADI course and the check clears will they fail you? :smiley2:

you forgot if the credit card is over the limit as well!!

Put Another Dollar In

Geoff_T
05-23-2008, 23:38
don't forget telling them that their shop prices are a rip off and you will be purchasing all of your equiptment from ST, or elsewhere online.

DevilDiver
05-23-2008, 23:49
don't forget telling them that their shop prices are a rip off and you will be purchasing all of your equiptment from ST, or elsewhere online.

We have a winner!! :smiley36:

DOWNDEEP73
05-23-2008, 23:52
Pull a rubber snake out of BC pocket when DM is not looking then hand it to him.

blewgrass
05-24-2008, 00:26
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

oddbod
05-24-2008, 04:02
If it's PADI you can't fail because down here most stores GUARANTEE you pass or they refund your money :smilie39: not many dive stores like returning THEIR money.

Geoff_T
05-24-2008, 04:12
If it's PADI you can't fail because down here most stores GUARANTEE you pass or they refund your money :smilie39: not many dive stores like returning THEIR money.

Thats just downright scary. Now I have no problem doing everything you can to pass somebody. Even letting them take either the whole or selected parts of their course over to correct problems but seriously to gurintee a pass in anything is a bit foolhardy.

oddbod
05-24-2008, 05:07
If it's PADI you can't fail because down here most stores GUARANTEE you pass or they refund your money :smilie39: not many dive stores like returning THEIR money.

Thats just downright scary. Now I have no problem doing everything you can to pass somebody. Even letting them take either the whole or selected parts of their course over to correct problems but seriously to gurintee a pass in anything is a bit foolhardy.

I have never heard of anyone failing, quitting yes, failing no. Then they go on the next week to do their AOW:smiley29: as they say Put Another Dollar In.

Scotttyd
05-24-2008, 08:13
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.
do you have to have a regulator attached to it? or can you light that underwater?

matt151617
05-24-2008, 11:55
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

Haha, show up with one of those foam noodles wrapped around your chest as a BC! :smilie39:

jbanks27
06-10-2008, 17:33
While doing your skills (UW BC Remove and Replace) Proceed to disassemble the BC and drop your weight belt.

Make sure you do not know how to swim.

:smiley20:

Vercingetorix
06-10-2008, 21:35
If it's a PADI instructor, tell him/her that you heard NAUI has tougher standards.

If it's a NAUI instructor, state the opposite.

If the instructor is SSI, SDI, YMCA, any other, tell him/her that you were unable to locate a local PADI or NAUI class.

diver-wife
06-18-2008, 19:48
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

I was walking through wal-mart and saw one of those coleman cylinders and start busting out laughing, my husband did not see the humor as much as I did

St.jimmy
06-19-2008, 12:47
If it's PADI you can't fail because down here most stores GUARANTEE you pass or they refund your money :smilie39: not many dive stores like returning THEIR money.

Thats just downright scary. Now I have no problem doing everything you can to pass somebody. Even letting them take either the whole or selected parts of their course over to correct problems but seriously to gurintee a pass in anything is a bit foolhardy.

I have never heard of anyone failing, quitting yes, failing no. Then they go on the next week to do their AOW:smiley29: as they say Put Another Dollar In.
Actually, the way I understand it, the guarantee is that your instructor won't give up on you until you pass, although, it's unlikely that's gonna work out right

plot
06-28-2008, 15:28
bring a spear and claim you want to get some fishing in

tricia3909
06-28-2008, 18:26
Follow the DI around and repeat everything he says. Then sit on the side of the pool holding your reg muttering "My Precious".

lol! the funniest part of that.... i think i could pull that one off!

Then again...they all know how crazy i am anyways.

rktman26
06-28-2008, 18:39
Don't wear enough weight and spend the entire time trying to get below the surface.

joeSteve1006
06-28-2008, 19:40
at the shop, tell them you have all your own gear and show up with absolutely nothing

TxScubaBear
06-28-2008, 20:40
Oh my gosh, these are ALL hilarious! My wife's not a diver but loved these!

JCAT
07-01-2008, 17:04
Follow the DI around and repeat everything he says. Then sit on the side of the pool holding your reg muttering "My Precious".

Thanks! I needed a good laugh. PRECIOUS!

Grizbear98
07-01-2008, 17:26
insist that you don't need a regulator or a tank, those are for sissies

pull out your whistle and safety sausage and loudly exclaim "ooooooh party favors!"

jbanks27
07-02-2008, 10:30
While being observed on your forth and final dive:smilie40:, lose complete control of boyancy, start shooting down or up.. Either one is fine. Don't grab your inflater hose to adjust, just grab your buddy. That seems to be what their there for!!!!

plot
07-03-2008, 19:42
"How do I hook up my respirator to the oxygen tank?"

Siantis
07-05-2008, 15:14
While underwater on your certification dives, pick up a stick and proceed to stroll around on the bottom, making sure to kick up as much muck as possible.

Vercingetorix
07-05-2008, 23:22
Refer to you BCD as a "backpack" (I just saw this on craigslist today from some guy selling his gear).

plot
07-06-2008, 00:12
Refer to you BCD as a "backpack" (I just saw this on craigslist today from some guy selling his gear).

sounds like stolen gear to me

diver 85
07-10-2008, 01:04
When you get mad UW, hold your breath till you turn blue in the face........

Sasha_K
07-10-2008, 01:17
You guys crack me up, Go get a job at "letterman" :-)

Merrimorte
07-12-2008, 03:10
Giuys just loved these! Keep em coming! lol

Merri

Jord
07-21-2008, 13:41
When you're on a dive for a technical certification with an instructor, pull out your knife and stab him with it. In the ER, when he yells at you for doing that, say, "What do you mean? You should have been fine! After all, you told me you were wearing a Stab Jacket!"

Monkeylemon
07-22-2008, 10:22
Interrupt the instructor during a crucial safety demo moment and ask if it really matters whether your fins are blue or black.

NeveSSL
07-28-2008, 13:28
...
g. Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder
with 2000 pounds of air in it.
...


I literally lol'ed on this one. Thats awesome! I'm going to have to remember that one.

Brandon

Lone Frogman
07-31-2008, 13:12
Drown

plot
07-31-2008, 17:51
Drown

:smiley36:

oh man... so wrong, so morbid, yet so funny.

Lone Frogman
07-31-2008, 17:55
Sorry, I could not resist.

dirtydon
07-31-2008, 19:04
which flipper goes on left? right?

Jenn
07-31-2008, 19:10
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

Oh man that is halarious..... LMAO :smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

BuzzGA
07-31-2008, 21:50
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

Or ... show up with a propane lantern and tell them you are ready for your night dive

plot
07-31-2008, 22:13
Show up with a coleman propane cylinder and tell your instructor you have it all dialed in and your pony tank is ready. Let him know that since your pony tank is green that it is Nx ready. Show up with snorkeling gear from Wal Mart and some pool toys.

Or ... show up with a propane lantern and tell them you are ready for your night dive

you know... they recommend propane lanterns as one of your light sources on land when doing a shore night dive. :smiley2:

sravin1
07-31-2008, 22:26
when your buddy is about to do a giant stride off the platform for the first time, push him into the water.

sravin1
07-31-2008, 22:27
even better, kick him in the a** when he is about to do a forward roll.

Vegas
08-01-2008, 16:05
even better, kick him in the a** when he is about to do a forward roll.


"OOPS! ... I slipped.....sorry....." :smiley36:

navyhmc
08-01-2008, 18:24
They still reach the forward roll? I was thinking that was a way to fail.

NeveSSL
08-01-2008, 22:07
We did the forward roll. I can't remember why, though. :smiley36:

Brandon

Ladyvalea
08-26-2008, 13:18
Instructor: "The lake has poor visibility today because of the Algae Bloom!!!

Me: "Oh No'" My allergies are really actin up today! I don't think I should dive"

NeveSSL
08-26-2008, 15:57
LOL... nice!

Brandon

kong
09-01-2008, 20:49
When your instructor is talking about computers ask him if you can bring your iMac.