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maggs_the
04-05-2008, 17:55
i have a best friend who used to be a mermaid. she LOVES to be in the water. but now she's engaged to a guy who does not dive.

the thing is, when they first met, he told her he would try... at least TRY it... it's been over a year and nothing. not only that, but he has effectively prevented her from going on any trips (be them day trips or weekend trips or whatever) with me!

so, she obviously is under his spell as she's been able to let her gear dry rot so what i wanna know is...

how do we seduce HIM into diving???

this is a guy who whined when she wanted to do a couples vacation with me and my man down in Cozumel or Roatan... "but what will I doOoOoo?" oh my god i could BARF!! you're in a TROPICAL PARADISE and you cannot find enough to "do" for a vacation???

i've continued to invite her AND him (dont ever want to leave him out.. ) and they (he) always find a reason why it's just not a good time.

it's not money. she's loaded (yes, SHE is loaded.. he will be in about 2 weeks when they tie the knot).

it's not the desire to. she's grown up with water and boating and skiiing and diving was what got me and her to Hawaii for a dream vacation.

they're going on a cruise for their honeymoon (he originally wanted to go to Washington D.C. and tour the Smithsonian!!!) and will hit Cayman, Roatan, Cozumel and another spot.. i'm not sure of.. she SWEARS she is going to dive at least once on their honeymoon.

it's her life and her choice and i've never complained or talked bad about him to her except for the ONE TIME she asked my opinion :D ha!

so i cant blame it ALL on him.... but to get her back in the water that she loves, i'm going to have to get THEM into the water.

so, how do we entice him? bring him into the dark side?? get him hooked on diving...?

..sigh... i know it's probably a lost cause... but i'm going to her bachelorette party tonite and i cant help thinking she's getting hosed on this wedding deal ;)

Flatliner
04-05-2008, 18:14
Two words...

Lost Cause

Sorry...

mentalmarine
04-05-2008, 18:20
If the guy would rather go to Washington DC than go to Mexico......you have a lot of work ahead of you to get him to dive. My wife isnt a diver, but she likes to lay by the pool and the beach. Shes on the edge of taking a class.

Damselfish
04-05-2008, 18:27
yeah, nothing you can do about this one and I'd stay away from it unless your opinion is asked. Quite possible she will become unhappy with the situation after awhile and deal with it in her own time, in her own way. Maybe the fact that they seem to have compromised on the honeymoon is a good sign.

As far as getting someone to dive, more than gentle encouragement, like making someone aware of the possibility and options, is rarely a good idea.
Someone who said they would try and hasn't after a year probably doesn't really want to.

OTGav
04-05-2008, 19:22
Wedding present = OW course.

cummings66
04-05-2008, 20:20
I suspect after a time the newness of their relationship will fade and she'll get back to her old friends and hobbies.

In the beginning people tend to obsess with their new "love" to the exclusion of all else. It'll fade.

There is no way to get a person to do something they don't like short of it being mandatory, IE military service. If you can't order them to, it's not going to happen easily.

If he had an interest he'd have done something about it by now, based on what he wanted to see I'll say he's more into history, pages, or political intrigue.

frogman159
04-05-2008, 20:54
i
they're going on a cruise for their honeymoon (he originally wanted to go to Washington D.C. and tour the Smithsonian!!!)


:smiley23::smiley23::smiley23::smiley23::smiley23: :smiley23:

Ohio_diver16
04-05-2008, 22:40
Well, just an idea. I'm single and a diver! She's rich and a diver! Sounds like a good match to me! Heh, so I'm shallow, so sue me. If he's the type to prefer a museum over adventure, then test his libido! It's a known fact that adventure seekers (both men and women) have higher levels of testosterone in their system. So if he truly is a man and not a post-op, test that libido and I'm willing to bet he'll try it, if not... I'm 6'4" 27, highly intelligent and witty as hell. Heh, can't blame me for tryin!

maggs_the
04-06-2008, 10:18
Well, just an idea. I'm single and a diver! She's rich and a diver! Sounds like a good match to me! Heh, so I'm shallow, so sue me. If he's the type to prefer a museum over adventure, then test his libido! It's a known fact that adventure seekers (both men and women) have higher levels of testosterone in their system. So if he truly is a man and not a post-op, test that libido and I'm willing to bet he'll try it, if not... I'm 6'4" 27, highly intelligent and witty as hell. Heh, can't blame me for tryin!

ha! believe it or not, YOU sound more like her type to me!! haha!!

and if this were a movie, i would tell you she is 30 and lively and fun and try to find a way to sneak you in her world.. hehe..

but, it's not... and like most folks have said, it comes down to her and her choice.

i worry for her because she's my friend but MY OWN bad choices made me who i am today so how could i deny her hers :smiley2:

thanks for the offer tho.. hehe.. you mighta stood a chance.. her fiance is also 6'4" and she likes to brag about that. ha! hmm.. could you make it to Mississippi before April 19 at 6:00pm??? :D

Athena2c
04-06-2008, 10:37
Hmm..I'm a little jealous you've invited other couples diving :smiley19:

But you are right, she has to make her own choices and you just get to be there for her...
If it is the right relationship, then she will find a way to balance her passion for water with her love for him, and he will support that. Guess you'll have to wait and see...

K9Pig
04-06-2008, 12:05
Hopefully he will find some type of hobby(golf it takes forever to play) that he can do while she is diving. Then they can meet later for dinner and just share their days activities, and enjoy the evening together.

DollFin
04-06-2008, 13:25
Well, just an idea. I'm single and a diver! She's rich and a diver! Sounds like a good match to me! Heh, so I'm shallow, so sue me. If he's the type to prefer a museum over adventure, then test his libido! It's a known fact that adventure seekers (both men and women) have higher levels of testosterone in their system. So if he truly is a man and not a post-op, test that libido and I'm willing to bet he'll try it, if not... I'm 6'4" 27, highly intelligent and witty as hell. Heh, can't blame me for tryin!

Darn you're too young and you live where it's cold! LOL

68raggtop
04-06-2008, 13:35
Well I can only offer a little hope, but it's better than none. It only took me 28 years to get my wife to get certified.:smiley36: She enjoys it now and dives with me some, but she will probably never say "hey, lets go and do some diving instead of shopping today!" :smiley2:

mentalmarine
04-06-2008, 14:10
Well I can only offer a little hope, but it's better than none. It only took me 28 years to get my wife to get certified.:smiley36: She enjoys it now and dives with me some, but she will probably never say "hey, lets go and do some diving instead of shopping today!" :smiley2:

I have a feeling that I am headed for the same ending :(

BuzzF117
04-06-2008, 14:52
Ok I can relate to this a little. My wife and I were going to get certified last summer but she wasn't sure so I took her to a free discover scuba course offered by my LDS. I knew going in that I was getting certified since any fear was quickly overcome by the sheer coolness of it all. My wife on the other hand is claustraphobic and was recovering from a severe head cold and couldn't get her ears to clear. The instructor told her that she could try again for free whenever he had a pool session since she had seemed to overcome her fear of panic but it got the best of her and she wouldn't try again. Forward 8 months to Feb 08 and we are on a cruise and I do 6 dives over 3 days and she goes shopping most of those days and she hears me rant and rave about how awesome it is and everybody elese in the group is totally intrigued by my diving adventures. Instead of going shopping when we are in BVI Tortola she goes to the Baths at Virgin Gorda with some friends and I encourage her (begged) to take at min my extra mask so she can get a good view under the water. Long story short on April 23 she is going to try it again with another discover scuba class this time with our daughter since they both want to experience and see whats "down there"
So I would encourage your friend to pursue her love of the underwater world and offer oppurtunities to her future husband to become comfortable in the water it may be he isn't comfortable. I would suggest a snorkle excursion before she does any dives on the ship she may find they are paying for a discover scuba excursion after he finds out how awesome the waters of the caribbean can be.

Ohio_diver16
04-06-2008, 16:38
Well, just an idea. I'm single and a diver! She's rich and a diver! Sounds like a good match to me! Heh, so I'm shallow, so sue me. If he's the type to prefer a museum over adventure, then test his libido! It's a known fact that adventure seekers (both men and women) have higher levels of testosterone in their system. So if he truly is a man and not a post-op, test that libido and I'm willing to bet he'll try it, if not... I'm 6'4" 27, highly intelligent and witty as hell. Heh, can't blame me for tryin!

ha! believe it or not, YOU sound more like her type to me!! haha!!

and if this were a movie, i would tell you she is 30 and lively and fun and try to find a way to sneak you in her world.. hehe..

but, it's not... and like most folks have said, it comes down to her and her choice.

i worry for her because she's my friend but MY OWN bad choices made me who i am today so how could i deny her hers :smiley2:

thanks for the offer tho.. hehe.. you mighta stood a chance.. her fiance is also 6'4" and she likes to brag about that. ha! hmm.. could you make it to Mississippi before April 19 at 6:00pm??? :D

Unfortunetly no, I'll be in school finishing up my commercial diving courses, and that's in Florida. But hell, thanks anyway! Besides, mistakes need to be made in life. Hell, if it weren't for me having an ex-fiancee I wouldn't be in commercial diving or moving to Florida (I met my buddy who I'm living with down there through her) But for as much as a scientific approach I take on things I'm willing to bet that she's either going to be happy, or miserable and leave the guy, either way you're still going to be her friend, and take it from me - I lost all but my closest friends when my ex and myself split, so regardless of which direction her life goes, just don't shut her out completely, like someone mentioned before, soon the starry eyes will fade, and she'll more likely than not come right back to you and the sport we all love!

Ohio_diver16
04-06-2008, 16:43
Well, just an idea. I'm single and a diver! She's rich and a diver! Sounds like a good match to me! Heh, so I'm shallow, so sue me. If he's the type to prefer a museum over adventure, then test his libido! It's a known fact that adventure seekers (both men and women) have higher levels of testosterone in their system. So if he truly is a man and not a post-op, test that libido and I'm willing to bet he'll try it, if not... I'm 6'4" 27, highly intelligent and witty as hell. Heh, can't blame me for tryin!

Darn you're too young and you live where it's cold! LOL

I'm only young biologically, thank you! Besides, I'm also moving to Florida in a couple weeks. Post script: I'm usually in New Orleans once or twice a year, I have a friend who lives in Monroe, she and I usually make it to Mardi Gras yearly, then I usually see her again later in the year, or take her on vacation from time to time. It's a long deluded story filled with intrigue, mystery, drama, and suspense... I call it deluded 'cause I'm used to it, you'd call it movie material.

maggs_the
04-06-2008, 17:10
Hmm..I'm a little jealous you've invited other couples diving :smiley19:

But you are right, she has to make her own choices and you just get to be there for her...
If it is the right relationship, then she will find a way to balance her passion for water with her love for him, and he will support that. Guess you'll have to wait and see...

haha!!! i dont WANNA wait and see!! hehe.. :smilie40: but fine, i suppose i will :)

Athena2c
04-06-2008, 17:17
haha!!! i dont WANNA wait and see!! hehe.. :smilie40: but fine, i suppose i will :)

Hmmm...don't wanna wait...well that doesn't sound like you at all :smiley2:

maggs_the
04-06-2008, 17:17
Ok I can relate to this a little. My wife and I were going to get certified last summer but she wasn't sure so I took her to a free discover scuba course offered by my LDS. I knew going in that I was getting certified since any fear was quickly overcome by the sheer coolness of it all. My wife on the other hand is claustraphobic and was recovering from a severe head cold and couldn't get her ears to clear. The instructor told her that she could try again for free whenever he had a pool session since she had seemed to overcome her fear of panic but it got the best of her and she wouldn't try again. Forward 8 months to Feb 08 and we are on a cruise and I do 6 dives over 3 days and she goes shopping most of those days and she hears me rant and rave about how awesome it is and everybody elese in the group is totally intrigued by my diving adventures. Instead of going shopping when we are in BVI Tortola she goes to the Baths at Virgin Gorda with some friends and I encourage her (begged) to take at min my extra mask so she can get a good view under the water. Long story short on April 23 she is going to try it again with another discover scuba class this time with our daughter since they both want to experience and see whats "down there"
So I would encourage your friend to pursue her love of the underwater world and offer oppurtunities to her future husband to become comfortable in the water it may be he isn't comfortable. I would suggest a snorkle excursion before she does any dives on the ship she may find they are paying for a discover scuba excursion after he finds out how awesome the waters of the caribbean can be.

well that's cool. i guess since he's such a big fella, i never really thought about him maybe having a fear of it.... i suppose he could even be withholding that fear from her .. hmm..

but the GOOD news is...!!!!

she just told me that he's agreed to SNUBA while in Grand Cayman during their honeymoon cruise! i've been telling her about getting my gear serviced and planning my trip to Curacao this summer and reaquainting with old dive buddies and on and on and on and she said she just couldnt bring herself to leave him alone on the boat while she did a dive, but she did get him to agree to snuba in Grand Cayman.

that means a lot (to me ..ha! as if it mattered) that he will TRY. he doesnt have to love diving, but for gods sake SHE loves it so even if you cant join in or encourage her to continue diving, please dont DISCOURAGE her from it... so, i'm taking this as a good sign!

and i hate to be that bicthy friend so i'm not even gonna hope that the luster wears off. i hope she's actually found the real thing and it works for her.

did i mention she's almost exactly 10 years to the day younger than me and i think of her not only as a best friend but almost a kid sister?? but she's not a kid. she's a woman.

hey, thanks for all the feedback. once again, it was good to have a sounding board!

maggs_the
04-06-2008, 17:19
haha!!! i dont WANNA wait and see!! hehe.. :smilie40: but fine, i suppose i will :)

Hmmm...don't wanna wait...well that doesn't sound like you at all :smiley2:


HAHA!!! :smiley36:

Athena2c
04-06-2008, 17:23
planning my trip to Curacao this summer and reaquainting with old dive buddies....
:smiley29: I'm sure you mean Walter and not me....

Clanggedin
04-06-2008, 17:30
Guys like Sex... Tell your friend to not let him have any sex until he gets certified. Then she can reward him with some UW nookie.

He'll LOVE diving after that.

DarinMartell
04-07-2008, 13:37
Since he like History maybe show him all of the things he can check out in some of the places you go. A-lot of the islands have some pretty cool ruins to be explored.

mike_s
04-07-2008, 14:03
.

so, how do we entice him? bring him into the dark side??


to the dark side? You gonna make him a DIR diver?




Two words...

Lost Cause

Sorry...

I agree.



If My wife isnt a diver, but she likes to lay by the pool and the beach..

Mine too. What she wants to do on vacation is exactly that. relax by the beach/pool. she doesnt care about diving. If she did dive, it'd be shallow reef dives in the keys at perfect vis, perfect temp, no current, etc.


No sense trying to change what people want to do on vacation. Or if they are getting married to them.

If they don't want to do what you/spouse suggested, no sense making them do something on their vacation they don't want to do.

Remember, it's their vacation also.

Sounder
04-09-2008, 12:38
.

so, how do we entice him? bring him into the dark side??


to the dark side? You gonna make him a DIR diver?




Bring him to the dark side...we have cookies.

maggs_the
04-09-2008, 17:22
thing is, his personality.. yes, he would very likely be DIR ... hmm.. interesting point (plus i'll tell him about the cookies!)

thor
04-09-2008, 17:36
One of my best friends married someone whom he swore was the right person for him, and after 10 years, I now believe this to be true. However, at the time they became engaged, I thought he was making a big mistake, because she hated to do a lot of the fun activities that he loved to do ( Snow-Skiing, water skiing, having fun, etc.) I used to go snow skiing with him 10 times a year, and since he has met her, I have gone skiing with him once. Essentiallly, I believed her to be the black hole of fun. Now I have come to the conclusion that it was not her fault, but my friends fault, for abandoning all of the things he loved to do. I would concentrate more on your friend, and try to bring her back over to the dark side (perhaps with cookies), than the fiance.

EuphoriaII
04-10-2008, 15:28
If the guy would rather go to Washington DC than go to Mexico......you have a lot of work ahead of you to get him to dive. My wife isnt a diver, but she likes to lay by the pool and the beach. Shes on the edge of taking a class.

Same here except mine is never taking a class. She was the one who talked me into taking lessons in the first place but she has no interest in it herself. So for now I dive with my sons.
If the wife and I go somewhere, I will dive the first day or two and spend the rest of the time with her. (compromise)

maggs_the
04-10-2008, 19:17
One of my best friends married someone whom he swore was the right person for him, and after 10 years, I now believe this to be true. However, at the time they became engaged, I thought he was making a big mistake, because she hated to do a lot of the fun activities that he loved to do ( Snow-Skiing, water skiing, having fun, etc.) I used to go snow skiing with him 10 times a year, and since he has met her, I have gone skiing with him once. Essentiallly, I believed her to be the black hole of fun. Now I have come to the conclusion that it was not her fault, but my friends fault, for abandoning all of the things he loved to do. I would concentrate more on your friend, and try to bring her back over to the dark side (perhaps with cookies), than the fiance.

yes, i must agree with your point... it's easier to blame HIM tho :smiley2: but she is a big girl and either can take care of herself or needs a little more experience to figure out how to take care of herself..either way, i cant protect her forever..... got to let her grow up sometime :smiley13:

Largo
04-11-2008, 21:27
It's too bad that she gave up the life aquatic for his benefit.

I don't trust people who don't love the water.
Here is my reasoning: People who swim in the ocean are trusting and confident. If you weren't, then you wouldn't be in a gigantic body of water with scary creatures. So, that implies that people who don't like swimming in the ocean are the opposite; Distrustful and insecure.

Do you really want your friend to go through life with someone who is distrustful and insecure?

It is your duty, as a friend, to march her down to the LDS and find her a guy.

Largo
04-11-2008, 21:32
P.S. If you do talk the fellow into getting certified, do your local LDS a favor. Take him to the shop that you don't like. Trying to certify somebody who doesn't want to dive is unpleasant, and potentially dangerous. Self-fulfilling prophesy: If a person believes that he/she will be injured scuba diving, it is going to happen, and they can hurt others when it happens.

dallasdivergirl
04-12-2008, 08:08
this is why I have a rule about only dating divers.
I dated a non diver for a while & it just didn't work.

maggs_the
04-12-2008, 09:08
this is why I have a rule about only dating divers.
I dated a non diver for a while & it just didn't work.

she had that same rule... about 1 1/2 years ago! she told him on the front end that she has a small boat and goes to the lake every weekend with her extended family who also have boats and they boat, swim, ski and so forth. she also told him she was a scuba diver and every chance she could, she planned on being underwater somewhere. he told her he didnt do ANY of those things, but for the sake of an open mind, he would at least try.

and that's how he got in the door.... which goes back to the heart of the matter for me (even tho it really is not my call) that he can HATE diving if he wants to but he made her a promise to try.

they are scheduled to SNUBA while in Cayman and she's thinking it will give him the bug to try scuba. but seriously, when discussing their honeymoon plans, he was totally uninterested in some tropical location when you could spend an entire week at the Smithsonian.

hey, i would LOVE to spend a week at the Smithsonian... but for my honeymoon??? or instead of a tropical paradise?? no, if i had unlimited funds and money, i would do them all but if i have to choose....

i'm just venting at this point cause she doesnt come to any scuba forums and i've told her that unless she asks me, i will not voice my negative opinions again. she wants to be happy and i want her to be happy so i wont be trying to convince her that she's unhappy.

Largo
04-12-2008, 09:18
If he is an intellectual, you might try the following:

1. Show him DVDs of Jean Michel Cousteau's Ocean Adventures.

2. Find (or fake) a medical journal article that indicates that being near the ocean, especially in the tropics, lowers the heart rate and blood pressure, both of which are beneficial to cardio-vascular health.

3. Buy him a book on diving physiology / physics.

Geez, that sounds like a lot of work.

Suther2136
04-12-2008, 10:52
My wife doesn't dive, doesn't want to dive, she got me hooked, and is glad to vacation where I can dive. Let it go, just work on the happy compromise.

maggs_the
04-12-2008, 14:37
If he is an intellectual, you might try the following:

1. Show him DVDs of Jean Michel Cousteau's Ocean Adventures.

2. Find (or fake) a medical journal article that indicates that being near the ocean, especially in the tropics, lowers the heart rate and blood pressure, both of which are beneficial to cardio-vascular health.

3. Buy him a book on diving physiology / physics.

Geez, that sounds like a lot of work.

hhmmm... another interesting suggestion... :smiley20:

mentalmarine
04-12-2008, 14:45
lol, fake a medical journal, that would be awesome. Ya think its just gonna have to be comprimise. Thats what I have to do with my wife, at least she likes to hang out in tropical places though.

scubajane
04-13-2008, 17:37
OK the dude likes the Smithsonian. that's actually good. that means he likes OLD things so he should not tire of your friend as she ages. so give him info about artificial reefs like the Speigal Grove and others. maybe he would consent to diving wrecks of historical significance.
the next thing to know is a chunk of wisdom from my Dad,
'If 2 people agree on everything....you don't need one of them'
I hope he falls in love with the ocean. SNUBA is a good way to start.

Largo
04-20-2008, 12:32
I'm not sure that is how it works.

I'd like to own a 1957 Chevy Bel Air, but that doesn't mean I'd like to date a woman who was born in 1957.

reactive
04-20-2008, 12:44
I'm not sure that is how it works.

I'd like to own a 1957 Chevy Bel Air, but that doesn't mean I'd like to date a woman who was born in 1957.

lmao!!! :smiley20:


OK the dude likes the Smithsonian. that's actually good. that means he likes OLD things so he should not tire of your friend as she ages. so give him info about artificial reefs like the Speigal Grove and others. maybe he would consent to diving wrecks of historical significance.
the next thing to know is a chunk of wisdom from my Dad,
'If 2 people agree on everything....you don't need one of them'
I hope he falls in love with the ocean. SNUBA is a good way to start.
I cast my vote for this idea.

Alternatively, your friend must not be unhappy if she's marrying the guy. That's a big commitment to make. I understand that you don't like to see this change in your friend, but you won't be there all her life to hold her hand and make decisions for her. As much as I hate to say it, you may need to just let this one go. If she feels that she made a mistake somewhere down the road, she can take corrective actions.

Largo
04-20-2008, 19:16
Show him some old videos of The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau. That show inspired John Denver to write that song 'Calypso.'

scuba Widow
04-20-2008, 23:15
My husband dives... I don't and don't have any desires to do so, but it all works out in the end. When he goes diving I just find something else to do. Just because you are married you don't have to be with each other 24/7 and enjoy exactly the same things in life.

bfindley
04-21-2008, 08:25
If he really is the history buff, try to play up underwater archeology. Other than that, no real advice. Good luck though and let us know how it turns out.

maggs_the
05-03-2008, 09:37
but the GOOD news is...!!!!

she just told me that he's agreed to SNUBA while in Grand Cayman during their honeymoon cruise!


well, it didnt go as planned but maybe there's still light at the end of the tunnel... she was sick with bronchitis during their entire honeymoon so NO snuba.. they tried to snorkle but she just could not stop coughing.

however, she said ALL ON HIS OWN he asked her later about the clearness of the water and what all you really could see down there..

it's just a spark, but at least it's a spark!

reactive
05-03-2008, 12:59
Another snorkeling trip may be in order!

Woody240
05-03-2008, 13:12
Tour the Smithsonian or visit any warm water, white sand spot. One question does he have an "L" visible on his forehead?

I'm guessing this relationship wont last long.

huvrr
05-13-2008, 10:57
have them watch "open water" together

thor
05-13-2008, 11:39
Tour the Smithsonian or visit any warm water, white sand spot. One question does he have an "L" visible on his forehead?

I'm guessing this relationship wont last long.



C'mon. Looking at the Declaration of Independence and the presidential china collection can be quite romantic.

RetroVertigo
05-15-2008, 12:55
I live in Maryland, so I spent almost every school field trip at the numerous Smithsonians. There is not a WEEK'S worth of stuff to see, maybe two days tops. Once you have seen one Hope Diamond, you have seen them all.:smiley2:

I guess I do not understand why visiting the "Nation's Capital" appeals to anyone...DC is dump with a bad traffic problem.