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scubasamurai
05-04-2008, 20:52
ok
here is a vent forum. i go away on a vacation for a week on the aggressor. i make sure everything is taken care of before i leave the kids. my wife had her vacation before i left for mine so there is no questions there. after i get back she doesn't even want to touch me, so you think she is mad?? fooling around?? or what??? JUST FOR fyi i am the one that stays home with the kids and takes care of the house while she does her career thing. so what does everyone think??? am i going crazy? i am faithful but i think after a week she want to do something. just venting and confused. have at it with this guys and gals

mwhities
05-04-2008, 20:55
Have you taken a shower and cleaned up? After two days of diving, my wife doesn't want to touch me...:)

Sorry man, not sure. I've never ran into that problem. Sit her down and ask her what's up. Why won't she "touch" you or whatever.

Michael

DivingCRNA
05-04-2008, 20:58
Is Aunt Flow in town?

obrules15
05-04-2008, 21:05
ok
here is a vent forum. i go away on a vacation for a week on the aggressor. i make sure everything is taken care of before i leave the kids. my wife had her vacation before i left for mine so there is no questions there. after i get back she doesn't even want to touch me, so you think she is mad?? fooling around?? or what??? JUST FOR fyi i am the one that stays home with the kids and takes care of the house while she does her career thing. so what does everyone think??? am i going crazy? i am faithful but i think after a week she want to do something. just venting and confused. have at it with this guys and gals

I need more info to even begin to comment, but, as a woman what I can say for sure is that women are weird. There is no telling what is going on.

matt151617
05-04-2008, 21:19
I need more info to even begin to comment, but, as a woman what I can say for sure is that women are weird. There is no telling what is going on.

You can say that again. Wait a couple days and see if her mood changes. Definitely don't go "what's your problem?". :smiley_abused:

Beaucoupfishies
05-04-2008, 21:35
Best way to find out is to ask. Obviously don't go up and ask her what her problem is. Just tell her she's seemed distant since you got back and you'd like to find out why.

Worst thing you can do is say nothing and wait. If she gives a reason that seems ludicrous to you, don't get mad. Tell her that you don't understand but you'd like to, and avoiding you will only make things worse.

Good luck!

scubasamurai
05-04-2008, 22:16
i did take the shower deal and cleaned up, even asked if she was mad at for me going still no clue?? will take the advice and chill for awhile. man should have married a women into diving

DollFin
05-04-2008, 22:55
Personally, as a woman, I don't understand most other women (mot of my best friends are guys! LOL). If you're PO'd about something, why play a bunch of mind games rather than just come out and SAY you're PO'd? At any rate, I agree with Beaucoup - let her know you're concerned by her withdrawl and want to make sure everything's OK. Maybe something happened while you were gone and she's feeling vulnerable but doesn't think you'd understand, so letting her know you at least want to try to understand might help.

mm_dm
05-05-2008, 07:37
Try talking to her about other things, even little trivial things. It will come out sooner or later and will probably be in a indirect manner. Most likely you'll ask her a question like "can I get you anything form the kitchen while I'm up? and you'll get a response about something else altogether. Don't get angry or impatient, you may be the whole problem or you may be a symptom of something else going on with her. Good luck my friend.

torrey
05-05-2008, 08:35
If you're the one that typically takes care of the kids, it was probably a burden for her to have to re-plan her days so she could take the kids to the sitter, get to work, pick them up, and take care of everything else you do at home.

georoc01
05-05-2008, 08:50
You could try this :)

'Honey, let's become nudists' - CNN.com (http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/05/05/lw.spouse.change.drastic/index.html)

Beaucoupfishies
05-05-2008, 09:17
She might not want to talk about it right now because she feels like it's a dumb reason to be upset.

It could even be that she realized how much work you do like taking care of the kids, and saw that you had a good time on your trip without her. She might feel like she's useless but she's afraid to bring up the subject because she knows it's a silly thing to think. The last thing women want to be when they feel worthless is intimate.

Just so long as you let her know you're available, it'll come out eventually. If she still won't open up, maybe try letting her help out with more decisions or ask her to help you out with things you don't necessarily need help with. It'll make her feel more useful and the more time you spend together, the more likely she'll be to open up.

DiverMom
05-05-2008, 10:04
It could be anything... and it probably won't even make sense to you. Someone could have said something about you going off on your own. Did you call home? Did you ask about her week and how it was going with the kids?

My DH travels a lot for work and there are times I'm so sick of anyone near me I don't want to be touched, I just want to be alone. It has little to do with him but I just need space.

Not knowing your wife it's hard to know what she expects you to know and could be hurt you don't know it now.

I hope she comes around... we usually do.

cummings66
05-05-2008, 15:21
Here's my take on it. First off rest assured she probably hasn't cheated on you. The behavior you describe would not be conducive to maintaining that relationship so she's certainly not doing that.

As to a week and you think she should be ready? Well, women are not like us men. We're ready for duty at any time, day or night. We don't even need a reason. Women on the other hand are very complex, most of them. You need to work on them emotionally, then physically, then you get what you wanted at the start, it just took you an hour to get there. If anything upsets them emotionally you will not get anywhere with them, so IMO what has happened is that she's had some sort of emotional issue and that's the root cause.

I'd ask you this, have you taken dive trips like this in the past? Are you attentive to her needs emotionally, IE do you talk to her and LISTEN to what she says and give feedback? That's a VERY important part of a relationship.

I've been married for 24 years, or close to it. I am still working on understanding them. There are just times they are aloof and there's nothing you can do about it. I know this much, if you ask them directly like you would a guy, you've got a problem brewing. They just are not direct like a guy is.

I've said this in the past, and I'll say it here.

Men are simple, we need very little to make us happy. Women on the other hand have a lot of buttons that need pushing and in the right order, screw that up and you've got one upset lady on your hands. The problem is, there is no manual on how to do it. It's strictly by feel and past experience.

Wish I could help you, I will only say I don't think she cheated on you and I honestly hope you didn't ask her that. You'll be getting the cold shoulder for a long time if you did, assuming she gets over the crying fit.

Bigg_Budd
05-05-2008, 15:31
Buy her a gift dude. Even though she wasn't pissed, when I got back from a seven day dive trip to Hawaii, I bought my wife a primo spa package. Of course, I told her before I left, so she knew I'd thought it through... It cost me half as much as my trip. :)

Or ignore her. She's trying to mind f*ck you, so don't let her. Don't play her game. Just go about your biz like nothing is wrong.

cummings66
05-05-2008, 16:13
Sometimes it is best to let it go unsaid. The problem is, how do you know when to zip it up and when to talk? Experience. What's happened in the past when you let it slide?

Mom would fester and after a few days she'd unload like you never saw before in your life. If Dad was smart he'd diffuse it by talking before it got too far, if not, boy...

My wife on the other hand most of the time it's best to let it go unspoken. It's a feel thing.

Osprey
05-06-2008, 08:30
Do you think a night out on the town with just the two of you would lighten her mood? Not saying that as a suck up method or anything, just if it wouldn't help get her out of her funk so you could talk.

mm2002
05-06-2008, 10:12
According to the television commercials, a diamond ought to do the trick. I've never tried it, but if you do, let us know how it works out.

Beaucoupfishies
05-06-2008, 12:17
Do you think a night out on the town with just the two of you would lighten her mood? Not saying that as a suck up method or anything, just if it wouldn't help get her out of her funk so you could talk.

Good idea! Much simpler than my suggestion and it doesn't require you guessing at what she's thinking.

Beaucoupfishies
05-06-2008, 12:19
According to the television commercials, a diamond ought to do the trick. I've never tried it, but if you do, let us know how it works out.

Nono, you save diamonds for really big deals or else you set the bar up too high! :smiley36:

BBruton
05-07-2008, 12:17
Either somebody didn't do their homework before they left town or they ain't diving enough ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.

BKB

cummings66
05-07-2008, 15:48
I'm lost. Sometimes I'm just dense I suppose.

reactive
05-07-2008, 16:32
You're both adults. Like others have said, express your concerns in and mature, calm, non-threatning manner and the problem will surface.

I wish you the best. I've had some relationship problems lately too, that were me doing stupid stuff that could have been easily avoided. It hurts a lot when the one you love is upset with you, so I know the feeling.

Again, good luck and I wish you the best.

JTMoney
05-09-2008, 01:42
If you don't mind my asking, any reason why you two took separate vacations?

divingmedic
05-14-2008, 15:07
If you don't mind my asking, any reason why you two took separate vacations?
Cuz taking a non diver on a live aboard dive trip is really not cost effective. Some times when the family vacation does not take place where I can get a few dives in I get to go diving all by myself. Sometimes time apart can recharge the marriages battery.

Scotttyd
05-14-2008, 19:12
Well I think we have all been there before, generally I let my wife chill out for a couple of hours (or overnight if I really messed up) buy her flowers (even if I did nothing wrong) then we are all good

BouzoukiJoe A.K.A. wrecker130 AKA Chuck Norris AKA joeforbroke (banned)
05-19-2008, 13:12
According to the television commercials, a diamond ought to do the trick. I've never tried it, but if you do, let us know how it works out.


It's been my experience that in the long run a single flower counts just as much as a diamond. Women are definitely different than men.

EuphoriaII
05-19-2008, 14:03
When I can't figure out what my wife is ticked about, I'll keep my distance for awhile till it blows over. Maybe another dive trip is in order? :)

reactive
05-19-2008, 15:04
Any update on how things are going? Not that I'm trying to be all in your beeswax, but I was hoping for a good outcome.

mulefeathers
05-20-2008, 15:22
Let's start with the basics. How long have you been married?

JTMoney
05-20-2008, 22:59
Probably would have had better luck posting this in the women's forum.

Eurodiver
05-21-2008, 05:17
Probably would have had better luck posting this in the women's forum.

Not really. We are women we don't come with an instruction book. We can't explain why she is mad.
My husband and I stopped smoking like 6 days ago and now we hate each other. The stress in our life is really intense right now.
I agree with Dollfin most of my friends are guys. But I choose to not have girlfriends. In the military community my husband and I are odd man out. We don't have kids {together anyway my kids are 18 and 19} we don't want kids {diaper age any way}, I can't have any more kids and we like life that way. If you don't have at least 3 kids under the age of 5 and pregnant with another in a military community the women are hateful, think all kinds of bad stuff and say all kinds of bad stuff about you and shun you. So I hang out with the guys. When we snowboard I am ALWAYS the only chick. When we dive I am ALWAYS the only chick.

Just talk to her. Are you not adults? IF she rips your head off just grab her plant a kiss on her and have grudge sex. That usually works.

There are 3 kinds of married sex:

All over the house sex: You first get married and you have sex all over the house doesn't matter where you just do it.

Bed room sex: You just have sex in the bed room. {that is a tragic day}

and

Hallway sex: Where you pass each other in the hall and say "screw you"

I really hope you aren't to the hallway sex.
Just for our own FYI are you guys still not talking or have you sorted it out since you posted your vent?

Maybe try going to work yourself. Maybe staying home and being Mr. Mom is ticking her off. I know it would me. It is possible for you both to have careers.
Unlike the military life I live. It is impossible for me to have a career in my field {ok not totally impossible but not worth my time and shipping cost to get product here} and my husband has asked me not to work. It makes me crazy and I can assure you his bank account and closet space pays dearly for it but some times a girl has to do what a girl has to do even if it is retail therapy.

Absolute worst case scenario talk to a lawyer and find out what your legal stance is.
I really wish you all the best.
Hugs and Peace