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mm2002
05-12-2008, 18:31
Everyone here seems to enjoy a good 'ol classic joke, so I thought I'd post a few of my favs. Need more? I have half a hard drive full of them! :smiley36:


Juan comes up to the Mexican border
on his bicycle.
He's got two large bags over
his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says,
"What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answers Juan.

The guard says,
"We'll just see about that ~
get off the bike."
The guard takes the bags
and rips them apart;
he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight
and has the sand analyzed,
only to discover that
there is nothing in the bags.

The guard releases Juan,
puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the man's shoulders,
and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination
and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Juan,
who crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated
every week for three years.
Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day
and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard,
"I know you are smuggling something.
It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about.
I can't sleep.
Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says,
"Bicycles."




Next............



Little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club. One
day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoo's all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks; "Do you have a
motorcycle?

The little old lady replies "Yep ... my bike's parked over there and
points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep,
drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least two packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever
been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've
been swung around by my nipples a few times."


One more:


An elderly Italian man asked the local priest to hear his confession.
"Father, during World War II a beautiful woman knocked
on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.
I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied:
"That was a wonderful thing you did, my son, and you
have no need to confess."
"It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must
repay me with sexual favors."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered
terribly if the Germans had found her.
Heaven, in its wisdom and mercy, will balance the
good and evil, and judge you kindly. You are forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind.
But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"


OK, just one more:

A dying man smelled his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It took all the strength he had left but he got up from the bed and crawled
down the stairs. He saw the cookies cooling on the counter and staggered
over to them.

As he reached for one, his wife's wrinkled hand smacked his and she yelled:
"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

spatman
05-12-2008, 18:57
lol. i was originally told that granny joke by an old hippie many years ago. i had completely forgotten about it. thanks for the laughs.

mm2002
05-12-2008, 20:24
lol. i was originally told that granny joke by an old hippie many years ago. i had completely forgotten about it. thanks for the laughs.


Yep, those are all oldies but goodies! Laughter is the best medicine! (At least that's what I remember from the readers digest days!)

elijahb
05-12-2008, 20:36
All of them are good jokes. I like the dieing guy one

Beaucoupfishies
05-12-2008, 20:49
The first joke about the bikes sounds like the kind of puzzle that's in a game I got for my Nintendo DS recently. It's called Professor Layton and the Curious Village and there are all sorts of weird puzzles that you have to kind of think outside of the box to get, otherwise you spend hours on something that turns out to be very simple.

Fun stuff, and great jokes!

mm2002
05-15-2008, 15:54
The first joke about the bikes sounds like the kind of puzzle that's in a game I got for my Nintendo DS recently. It's called Professor Layton and the Curious Village and there are all sorts of weird puzzles that you have to kind of think outside of the box to get, otherwise you spend hours on something that turns out to be very simple.

Fun stuff, and great jokes!

Yep, I like that kind of stuff. Just shows how us humans over complicate things sometimes.