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Cheddarchick
08-29-2008, 18:55
'The Bathing Suit'

When I was a child the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned,
trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.
They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with
a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the
maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away
looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can
wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a
sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber
bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice
and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.

The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of
the stretch material.

The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA
to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if
you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark
attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would
immediately suffer whip lash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder
strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took
a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh
rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The
mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed
bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full
view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those
bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously
from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing
undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you
are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure
and asked what else she had to show me.

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of
masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an
oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills
and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a
rough day.

I tried on a black number with a mesh midriff and looked like a
jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink suit with such a high cut leg I thought I
would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it .

Finally, I found a suit that fit... a two-piece affair with a shorts
style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and
bulge-friendly, so I bought it.

My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got
home, I found a label which read -- 'Material might become transparent in
water.'

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water
this year and I'm there too... I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a
t-shirt!

(You might be laughing out loud by this time..... Know I was)

Foo2
08-29-2008, 19:01
That was great! Thanks for sharing!!!

Diver Kat
08-29-2008, 20:40
Too funny .... I will say you're braver than I - never could make it into the dreaded fitting room ... a few years back, desperate to find something, I ordered from a Lands End catalog ... low & behold they have actual bathing suits with bra cups!! Even underwire!!! I believe they also offer your NASA brand Lycra ... and getting into it can be a workout all on it's own ... they're called 'Slender Suits' (as if! Just calling them that does NOT make you appear slender!) But at least I found something I could wear, and not scare the fish TOO much! :smiley36:

sidneydiver
08-29-2008, 23:23
That's funny! I have recently ordered a couple of suits from Lands End and I LOVE them! They're supportive and cover the bits I want covering if you know what I mean!

Splitlip
08-29-2008, 23:38
:ttiuwop:

FishFood
08-29-2008, 23:53
I wish we could still nominate thread's of the month... :smiley20:

gunnarman
08-30-2008, 00:01
cut off jeans and a t-shirt are very sexy on a real woman!

Splitlip
08-30-2008, 00:16
I wish we could still nominate thread's of the month... :smiley20:

C2, made a hell of post. She has to be a professional writer.

lemon lime
08-30-2008, 00:47
I wish we could still nominate thread's of the month... :smiley20:

C2, made a hell of post. She has to be a professional writer.

If not, she should be.

Great post!

scubarobin
08-30-2008, 10:07
that was hysterical !!!!!! :smiley20::smiley20::smiley20:
even my husband laughed when I read it outloud to him.
I agree about the suits.... my way of solving the problem, I buy the plain, straight suit (like those made by Nike, etc) with no boob holder, and wear a nice sport bra with underwire underneath it (I have several from Champion that I really like). They do show, but look nice and my boobs are back where they belong and don't look like a speed bump! :smiley2:

Diver Kat
08-30-2008, 10:09
That's funny! I have recently ordered a couple of suits from Lands End and I LOVE them! They're supportive and cover the bits I want covering if you know what I mean! LOL ... so it's not just me!! After realizing the first one was pretty good, I ordered a matching one so I would have 2 for my dive trips (and not end up with all different tan lines.) Ordered 2 new ones last year when the first set finally gave out (after 200+ dives, a few cruises, and a good number of vacations.) Nice thing about Lands End - it's quality and lasts ...


As for Splitlip's ....

:ttiuwop:

ARE YOU CRAZY????

BoomerNJ
08-30-2008, 11:06
:ttiuwop:

:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

Splitlip
08-30-2008, 11:25
That's funny! I have recently ordered a couple of suits from Lands End and I LOVE them! They're supportive and cover the bits I want covering if you know what I mean! LOL ... so it's not just me!! After realizing the first one was pretty good, I ordered a matching one so I would have 2 for my dive trips (and not end up with all different tan lines.) Ordered 2 new ones last year when the first set finally gave out (after 200+ dives, a few cruises, and a good number of vacations.) Nice thing about Lands End - it's quality and lasts ...


As for Splitlip's ....

:ttiuwop:

ARE YOU CRAZY????

What..? Here I am. Now how about you girls? :smiley2:

catra8104
08-31-2008, 06:43
Too funny!! I feel your pain.. I have the same problem just looking for a bra.. My solution, mens trunks and a sports bra.... Diving is a sport, right?? And if joggers can wear one as they bounce down the road, why can't I in the water... Besides it covers more than most suit tops these days...

divingyogini
09-03-2008, 20:05
That rocked!

Now that I have a postpartum belly it hits home even more.

sidneydiver
09-04-2008, 00:36
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could make me post of photo of me in a swimsuit on here!!!

cowgirldiver
09-04-2008, 09:19
Last year I was hanging out at the pool while my son was doing his OW checkout and I heard one of the college girls say "you know the best thing about these wetsuits is that they suck in all your fat" How true, how true.

gillovski
09-04-2008, 12:02
I am sure fashions are designed by men with men in mind! Their idea of what the female form should be (in their eyes) and not what it actually is!!
Thanks fo rhe laughs! I needed it.. long day!:smiley20:

Vercingetorix
09-04-2008, 15:13
C2, made a hell of post. She has to be a professional writer.Do a Google search on the opening line. This piece is on many, many sites.

Ya want pics?...I got yer pics right here Salfordonline A Bit of Fun (http://www.salfordonline.com/fun.php?func=viewdetails&vdetails=6960)

Warren
09-04-2008, 15:18
cut off jeans and a t-shirt are very sexy on a real woman!

:smiley20:

Yup!

Cheddarchick
09-04-2008, 18:13
Man finally back on line....Under no circumstances am I a writer, (I wish)......I am a poster....I loved and thought you would also..
and V....get out of the girls room...LOL...we will take away your man card

Vercingetorix
09-04-2008, 21:08
and V....get out of the girls room...LOL...we will take away your man cardAgain????

Oh man....:smilie39:

Truered1
09-04-2008, 22:31
LAUGHING SO HARD I AM CRYING - this was great, thank you I need that. I too have issues finding a larger top and average bottom for my not so perfect body. :-)

Diver Kat
09-04-2008, 22:41
and V....get out of the girls room...LOL...we will take away your man cardAgain????

Oh man....:smilie39: Who actually gave it back to him anyway??? I thought by now it would have been confiscated and burned ....:smiley36: He spends more time in Womens Issues then I do! :smiley3:

Cheddarchick
09-05-2008, 04:16
I think he was issued a girl card after the guys found out about his time here...Wasn't there a secret vote about making him register as Vercingetorixvixen?

Vercingetorix
09-05-2008, 08:04
He spends more time in Womens Issues then I do! That's a negative, sweetie...:smiley36:

The only reason...the ONLY reason...I visited this thread was because my good buddy SplitLip dared to breach the estrogen barrier that encloses the Women's Issues forum.

Otherwise, I dare not enter, except those rare occasions, when I might find something of interest to share.

And, speaking of SplitLip, he posts the usual "This thread is useless without pictures", and you DON'T censure him? Where is the fairness?:smilie39:

I'll be gone now...

Cheddarchick
09-06-2008, 04:53
Splitlip is honest in his man search for anything slightly risque' For that we girls, laugh and ignore him.....

Splitlip
09-06-2008, 07:32
So there, V!

Wait....they ignore me? But they do laugh. But, laugh because my posts are clever? Or laugh at me because the posts are so pathetic?

I think I'll head back to the cave for a bit and ponder.

Vercingetorix
09-06-2008, 11:52
Splitlip is honest in his man search for anything slightly risque' For that we girls, laugh and ignore him.....So, lemme get this right...

You use my bud SplitLip for a few cheap laughs, then what?...discard him like a used tampon?:smilie39: Where's the RESPECT?

I, on the other hand, provide a few insightful, Alan-Alda-esque comments, and you pull my man-card...again.

Oh, and another thing. In the "Hair Tangles" thread, he provided the most long-winded, gotta-be-ghey, dissertation, and you DON'T yank his man-card?

WHATTA WE WANT?
FAIRNESS!!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
NOW!!!!

//I'm returning to my cave now. There's some raw meat I gotta eat

Skuttle
09-06-2008, 16:07
I say let them stay. The banter back in forth is great! (holding my sides laughing)

Diver Kat
09-06-2008, 17:53
I think he was issued a girl card after the guys found out about his time here...Wasn't there a secret vote about making him register as Vercingetorixvixen?
In honor of SplitLip ... here goes ...

:ttiuwop:
(Well it should be "this POST is Worthless without pics!!" Anyone willing to come up with a picture of VercingetorixVIXEN????:smilie39::smilie39::smilie3 9:)

ckjacques53198
09-06-2008, 19:15
Too funny. I agree - we need photos

Vercingetorix
09-06-2008, 20:08
So, ya want pics of Vercingetorix?

You get pics of Vercingetorix.

For those who don't know, Vercingetorix was a Gallic war chief, who defeated Julius Caesar twice before Caesar lay siege to his forces at Alesia. To this day, he is considered a national hero of France and Germany (he was originally from a Germanic tribe).

I do believe The Vercingetorix would not be pleased by the reference to Vercingetorix-vixen.:smiley36:

Diver Kat
09-06-2008, 21:42
I was thinking more like this .....:smilie39:

Vercingetorix
09-07-2008, 09:03
For SplitLip, who demands pictures of girls in bathing suits...

http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u177/biglatimer/FatChicks.jpg

//hides the eye-bleach

Splitlip
09-07-2008, 09:17
Thanks Bro.

http://forum.scubatoys.com/attachments/womens-issues/2961d1220755338-all-who-have-fought-bathing-suit-battle-untitled.jpg

Diver Kat
09-07-2008, 17:47
Geez you find some scary pix!!! :yikes:At least I gave you Farah Faucett hair! (I could have gone Phyllis Diller!)

coral cowgirl
09-20-2008, 16:30
Wow, that's a well made tailgate....Built Tough~!

http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u177/biglatimer/FatChicks.jpg

Lulubelle
09-21-2008, 11:15
OK, I've been off the forum for a few weeks....

That was hysterical. Somehow I had convinced myself that I was the only one who felt this way about bathing suit shopping.

Not to take this thread in a practical direction, but I'd be interested in knowing other folks solutions. I am tall and have a narrow torso, so sizing up doesn't work. My size is my size and I need a cup sized top. Land's End doesn't work too well for me, the girls won't stay in their bras. So if I bend over to pick something off of the deck, it is a show when I stand back up. Right now I am wearing a Miraclesuit with a DD cup (NOT my size), the fabric is tight so the girls stay in place pretty well although there is a LOT of cleavage going on for a dive boat. I have found some companies online that do bra sized swim suits, but only in bikinis, and I'm past the bikini years. I REALLLY, REALLY wish someone would do a sportsuit with a real bra sized top. I'd try wearing a sportsbra under a tank but I can't even find sportsbras right now...getting ready to order custom ones from Enell.

Perhaps I will make the leap to the surgeon and get myself a pair of C's!

BlowingBubbles
09-23-2008, 14:50
OK, I've been off the forum for a few weeks....

That was hysterical. Somehow I had convinced myself that I was the only one who felt this way about bathing suit shopping.

Not to take this thread in a practical direction, but I'd be interested in knowing other folks solutions. I am tall and have a narrow torso, so sizing up doesn't work. My size is my size and I need a cup sized top. Land's End doesn't work too well for me, the girls won't stay in their bras. So if I bend over to pick something off of the deck, it is a show when I stand back up. Right now I am wearing a Miraclesuit with a DD cup (NOT my size), the fabric is tight so the girls stay in place pretty well although there is a LOT of cleavage going on for a dive boat. I have found some companies online that do bra sized swim suits, but only in bikinis, and I'm past the bikini years. I REALLLY, REALLY wish someone would do a sportsuit with a real bra sized top. I'd try wearing a sportsbra under a tank but I can't even find sportsbras right now...getting ready to order custom ones from Enell.

Perhaps I will make the leap to the surgeon and get myself a pair of C's!

I agree that it is a pain. I don't have the situation of over-endowment but I too am tall and the one-piece suits don't have enough material from shoulder to crotch. I'd have to scrunch up to keep the suit from going places it doesn't belong. I don't go for the european look.:smiley9: And the "tall" suits don't fit right either. So, I've opted for practical when diving and wear spandex fitting shorts and the top of a matching bathing suit with the material that comes down just below the waist. I'm comfortable and everything that sbould be covered, is covered. Doesn't get in the way of my wetsuit or gear.

ParrotheadDiver
09-25-2008, 06:19
I am also tall and slender...I find the Tankini's work well....that is if you can find one that doesn't have those teenie bikini bottoms :smiley36:

BlowingBubbles
09-25-2008, 14:51
I am also tall and slender...I find the Tankini's work well....that is if you can find one that doesn't have those teenie bikini bottoms :smiley36:

That's why I pair a set of spandex type sport shorts with the Tankini type top. It's ironic that they make the tops to cover well and then most times put some ridiculous bottoms that undo the purpose. Ah... to be a guy and only worry about covering half. And for some reason, guys have more options in that area. Long, mid, and speedo <- and let's not go there.:smiley11:

sidneydiver
09-25-2008, 18:52
The speedo! I went on a dive trip once and there was a guy who paraded around in a tie-dye pink speedo at every available opportunity! I can imagine that some men might look better that others in a speedo but sadly he wasn't one of them!

thevalkyry
09-26-2008, 17:30
Oh wow - cant believe that I am coming so late to this. And am thanking my lucky stars that the speedo grab-bag suits work for me. I am no Claudia Schiffer by any stretch, but since I decided that I am not shopping for a bf while diving, I just decided to get over it. Besides, if some guy thinks I'm hot with scuba hair - that's real attraction :)

Eurodiver
10-06-2008, 20:58
The speedo! I went on a dive trip once and there was a guy who paraded around in a tie-dye pink speedo at every available opportunity! I can imagine that some men might look better that others in a speedo but sadly he wasn't one of them!

No no no no no NO SPEEDOS!

Any time you get around ANY kind of water here in Europe 3/4 of the European Union wear speedos. Last trip to Spain saw a little old guy probably 85 sporting a purple one. As he walked to the beach his little what used to be butt cheeks were sagging out.
Some inventions we all love and could kiss who ever came up with the idea but others like the Speedo we just want to send them to an evil place and bad bad things to them.

scubajane
10-06-2008, 21:25
oh dear, oh dear!

wait I have to wipe the slobber off my face

i have laughed so hard I'm drooling on myself.
those tailgate honeys are hot!!

wrestling an alligator is good practice for donning a bathing suit. I opt for a skin suit that zips up the front with a bathing suit under it.. divegoddess.com has some great colorful skins.
I got my dive skin second hand and it's rather plain. next one will probably be a dive goddess.

sea princess
10-31-2008, 12:26
Thanks for that hillarious post! I am laughing so hard i am crying right now! I am very visual so i can see it all live right before my eyes. Been there hated it!
I stick to tankini tops and board shorts. I have heard from my girlfriends that Everything but Water has built in bras in some of their suits and you can mix and match the tops and bottoms so you get the right fit. That is my biggest trouble. I need a 14 top and a 8 bottom and suits don't come like that.
Now as for the speedo or as i call it the boner strapper (can i say that here?) if not sorry not trying to offend i just call it as i see it. Those things are just plain wrong! Why is it that when a guy has one on he has to strut around like a proud peacock thinking he is so hot? I am sorry guys but no matter how good looking you are these things don't do you any justice! I think a woman made those to get even with the man who made pantyhose and bikini bathing suits!

bubbles
11-03-2008, 11:49
Another good reason to dive in a dry suit! Ahh....can wear whatever I want under it!:smiley32:

Lulubelle
11-13-2008, 01:22
Now as for the speedo or as i call it the boner strapper (can i say that here?) if not sorry not trying to offend i just call it as i see it. Those things are just plain wrong! Why is it that when a guy has one on he has to strut around like a proud peacock thinking he is so hot? I am sorry guys but no matter how good looking you are these things don't do you any justice! I think a woman made those to get even with the man who made pantyhose and bikini bathing suits!

I can defend a conservative cut speedo IF you are: European, a competitive swimmer, or just don't like being in the water in baggy shorts, but I'm right there with you on the parading part, ICK.

There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.

BlowingBubbles
11-13-2008, 11:30
There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.


:smilie39: I guess there just comes a time in one's life where you just don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Either that or you probably think you have it going on. I hope I never get that old because I'm pretty sure at that point I wouldn't have the common sense to be embarrassed. Everyone would be all clicking their tongues and shaking their heads and pointing and I'd probably look like that old extremely tanned lady in "There's something about Mary". :smiley5:

Lulubelle
11-13-2008, 23:32
There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.


:smilie39: I guess there just comes a time in one's life where you just don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Either that or you probably think you have it going on. I hope I never get that old because I'm pretty sure at that point I wouldn't have the common sense to be embarrassed. Everyone would be all clicking their tongues and shaking their heads and pointing and I'd probably look like that old extremely tanned lady in "There's something about Mary". :smiley5:

I think it is GREAT for him to either not care or to think he has it going on. I'm envious. But the light colors force me to have to see DETAILS that I simply don't want to think about. I suspect he really doesn't want to wear any suit at all, but this is in NC and a public beach. Bro used to be an Olympic swimmer before these new style racing suits came in. Those guys would wear their itsy bitsy speedos so small and tight that you couldn't see whether or not they even had any bits, except for the HAIR (eww) and butt crack which was always showing.

scubajane
11-22-2008, 15:09
There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.

Maybe he just has fun in his wife's lingerie drawer??

Diver Kat
11-23-2008, 22:50
Now as for the speedo or as i call it the boner strapper There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.


I think it is GREAT for him to either not care or to think he has it going on. I'm envious. But the light colors force me to have to see DETAILS that I simply don't want to think about. I suspect he really doesn't want to wear any suit at all, but this is in NC and a public beach. Bro used to be an Olympic swimmer before these new style racing suits came in. Those guys would wear their itsy bitsy speedos so small and tight that you couldn't see whether or not they even had any bits, except for the HAIR (eww) and butt crack which was always showing.

Be glad you don't live here near Lake Travis ... there's a County Park called Hippie Hollow - and it's clothing optional. The few times I went there years ago, there were way too many of these type old, old guys roaming around - without even the Speedo!

sea princess
11-23-2008, 22:53
Okay now i need something to erase that visual from my eyes! ewww!

ParrotheadDiver
11-24-2008, 17:33
Be glad you don't live here near Lake Travis ... there's a County Park called Hippie Hollow - and it's clothing optional. The few times I went there years ago, there were way too many of these type old, old guys roaming around - without even the Speedo!

they are still there... just older :smiley11:

divingyogini
11-24-2008, 21:46
Now as for the speedo or as i call it the boner strapper There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.


I think it is GREAT for him to either not care or to think he has it going on. I'm envious. But the light colors force me to have to see DETAILS that I simply don't want to think about. I suspect he really doesn't want to wear any suit at all, but this is in NC and a public beach. Bro used to be an Olympic swimmer before these new style racing suits came in. Those guys would wear their itsy bitsy speedos so small and tight that you couldn't see whether or not they even had any bits, except for the HAIR (eww) and butt crack which was always showing.

Be glad you don't live here near Lake Travis ... there's a County Park called Hippie Hollow - and it's clothing optional. The few times I went there years ago, there were way too many of these type old, old guys roaming around - without even the Speedo!

And I'm sure that the young guys at the pool were saying, "ewwww gross" at the site of my pregnant body in a bathing suit (judging by their glares I would say that's true). Now with a postpartum belly I'm sure I'd get even more "ick" looks from the young guys and girls.

So, are we saying that only young slim people should wear bathing suits and the rest of us should wear gunny sacks or just stay home perhaps?

If we want people to accept our bodies in all their non-super-model glory, why can't we accept others?

Diver Kat
11-24-2008, 21:57
So, are we saying that only young slim people should wear bathing suits and the rest of us should wear gunny sacks or just stay home perhaps?Not at all!! Personally, I try to wear something that's age appropriate as well as body type appropriate - for me. Everyone else is welcome to wear what they want (or not wear!) ... I just can't say I'm thrilled to see it all 'hang out!'

Splitlip
11-24-2008, 22:08
There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.

Maybe he just has fun in his wife's lingerie drawer??

It's all fun and games till somebody loses an eye!

Short story (tough for me to keep any story short) about how men wearing these suits can escalate into violence. (Sorry my Canadian and European friends. They are just not that common in the States. Wear those funny sandles if you must, but not the meat suits.)

We have a local guy. 40's. good shape. Wears a flesh colored banana hammock on the beach. No biggy. He can easily pull it off. (Have the occasional topless girl on the beach too.)
The kids call him "Thong Man" the adults "Captain Meat".

Well "Meat" has been showing up at the community pool in his grape smuggler recently. That is a bit much. Kids and famillies in close proximity.
One day, some of the prebubecent girls were giggling and pointing. (well what did you expect Meat. This is not Club Med nor the French Riviera.)
Meat turns to the kids and says "Some people have asses, but some people are asses".

Well one of the little girls' teenaged brothers comes to the rescue and get's in Meat's face about the comment to his sister. Meat grabs the kid (a minor). Kid wiggles away shoots over to his house and get's Dad. Fortunately cops arrive same time Dad does.

Meat does have balls though. Still comes to the pool in his nut huggers. Just not in the middle of the day. Sunset only.

Diver Kat
11-24-2008, 22:17
There is an OLD, OLD, slim man who lives near me at the beach. He wears a THONG version of a speedo, saggy ass, limp bits in a little pocket in the front, and can't even be decent enough to buy them in black/navy, etc. They are light orange, yellow, or white. EEWWWWW. But I'll give him high marks for body confidence.

Maybe he just has fun in his wife's lingerie drawer??

It's all fun and games till somebody loses an eye!

Short story (tough for me to keep any story short) about how men wearing these suits can escalate into violence. (Sorry my Canadian and European friends. They are just not that common in the States. Wear those funny sandles if you must, but not the meat suits.)

We have a local guy. 40's. good shape. Wears a flesh colored banana hammock on the beach. No biggy. He can easily pull it off. (Have the occasional topless girl on the beach too.)
The kids call him "Thong Man" the adults "Captain Meat".

Well "Meat" has been showing up at the community pool in his grape smuggler recently. That is a bit much. Kids and famillies in close proximity.
One day, some of the prebubecent girls were giggling and pointing. (well what did you expect Meat. This is not Club Med nor the French Riviera.)
Meat turns to the kids and says "Some people have asses, but some people are asses".

Well one of the little girls' teenaged brothers comes to the rescue and get's in Meat's face about the comment to his sister. Meat grabs the kid (a minor). Kid wiggles away shoots over to his house and get's Dad. Fortunately cops arrive same time Dad does.

Meat does have balls though. Still comes to the pool in his nut huggers. Just not in the middle of the day. Sunset only.

:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: You crack me up!! So did Meat get busted for a concealed weapon??? (Or maybe non-concealed!!):smiley2:

Splitlip
11-24-2008, 22:20
Oh trust me. You could not miss it. That is why they call him "Meat".

Diver Kat
11-24-2008, 22:24
Oh trust me. You could not miss it. That is why they call him "Meat".Well I guess he had the goods, but I still don't want to see anything in a 'banana hammock'!!

Okay Splitlip - sidebar here ... I understand your originally from NYC ... so I'm being noisy - what part? I grew up outside the city...

Splitlip
11-24-2008, 22:35
Oh trust me. You could not miss it. That is why they call him "Meat".Well I guess he had the goods, but I still don't want to see anything in a 'banana hammock'!!

Okay Splitlip - sidebar here ... I understand your originally from NYC ... so I'm being noisy - what part? I grew up outside the city...

I lived in Queens until I was 12. Parents moved us to a town called Valley Stream which is right on the Queens Nassau County border. (If you ever saw "Lords of Flatbush", parts of it were filmed in Valley Stream). Lived there till I graduated high school and attended university in Indiana. Ended up in this little piece of Heaven called Jupiter, Florida.

Were'd you come from?

Diver Kat
11-24-2008, 22:42
I lived in Queens until I was 12. Parents moved us to a town called Valley Stream which is right on the Queens Nassau County border. (If you ever saw "Lords of Flatbush", parts of it were filmed in Valley Stream). Lived there till I graduated high school and attended university in Indiana. Ended up in this little piece of Heaven called Jupiter, Florida.

Were'd you come from?Grew up in a little place called Port Chester - on the NY-CT border, from about 1 to 17. (Claim to fame was the Life Saver factory, and Ed Sullivan was born there. In other words boring!) Then off to New Paltz NY for college, then Lake Tahoe, CA for 3 years and finally TX. All the siblings are still in NY & CT ... I was the only one to 'escape'!

Splitlip
11-24-2008, 22:54
LOL.

At least I have Steve Buscemi. :)

I go up pretty much every year. Either for the leaves or Christmas. More for my kid than me. (still gives me the willies that I was on the observation deck at WTC with my daughter the year before the planes hit)

We stay in Bergon County New Jersey. Some beautiful country there and only an hour or so from the City. See a show. See the tree at Rock. See some snow, maybe ski, then say been there done that till next year. Wonderfull eateries though.

Diver Kat
11-24-2008, 23:02
Yeah ... PC was a mostly Italian town (although we're Irish, English, Scottish & French!) and I do miss REAL italian food!! MY DH grew up on the lower East side, and watched them build the towers .... we haven't been back since all the folks passed away. It's a great place to visit, but I don't want to live there anymore!! I just miss the good stuff - I can do without the shoveling snow, the cold and the cost of living! Now-a-days we travel to warm dive spots ....

Lulubelle
11-24-2008, 23:11
And I'm sure that the young guys at the pool were saying, "ewwww gross" at the site of my pregnant body in a bathing suit (judging by their glares I would say that's true). Now with a postpartum belly I'm sure I'd get even more "ick" looks from the young guys and girls.

So, are we saying that only young slim people should wear bathing suits and the rest of us should wear gunny sacks or just stay home perhaps?

If we want people to accept our bodies in all their non-super-model glory, why can't we accept others?

Yogini, read the posts again, that is not at all what anyone is saying. All bodies are beautiful and need to be on the beach...in swimsuits!!!! I repeat, IN SWIMSUITS, not a tiny light colored see through thong. I dont want to look at a photographic outline of a man's genital bits while I am on the beach. That was what the "ick" was for. Let's face it, I PIZZOLINI AREN'T VERY PRETTY UNLESS THEY ARE ATTACHED TO SOMEONE YOU LIKE A WHOLE LOT. And this is a family beach, close to naked probably isn't OK. Even a normal speedo would be just fine.

So go get yourself a suit and go be happy on the beach. I'm sure you look terrific. You just made a child, rock on sister.

Splitlip
11-24-2008, 23:11
Yeah ... PC was a mostly Italian town (although we're Irish, English, Scottish & French!) and I do miss REAL italian food!! MY DH grew up on the lower East side, and watched them build the towers .... we haven't been back since all the folks passed away. It's a great place to visit, but I don't want to live there anymore!! I just miss the good stuff - I can do without the shoveling snow, the cold and the cost of living! Now-a-days we travel to warm dive spots ....
__________________
Kat

:smiley20:

I miss that most of the native Italians in my familly are gone. (I'm Italian-Irish. Sorry Dad, Irish Italian)

I love the Irish too, but I miss the Italian language at Holidays, Weddings, Communions and Baptisms. Only hear it now (rarely)at Funerals.

I actually have family in the entertainment industry from the Irish side. I see more of them on celebrity poker than I see now or ever saw as a child. (tsk,tsk)

Back to the kitchen. I have lots to do before Thursday.

(Take a shot. I dare ya.:))

MysteryGirl
11-27-2008, 23:33
This had to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Not only was it hysterical but so much of it rang true.

If you're not a pre-pubescent female or shaped like a young boy, most suits out there will not do for a real woman.

Sure, there are the suits you see in magazines that show so much skin that if you dare move things that haven't seen the light of day will appear. They don't tell you that everything isn't held in place by NASA developed fabric but just regular duck tape.

I really think swimsuit designers have this hidden agenda to make women afraid of searching for just the right suit only to try it on and have it cut so low that others on the beach can tell how many C-sections you've had or cut so high that the sides come up to just barely under your arms.

Some manufacturers have finally begun making suits with actual cup sizes built into very flattering suits. NASA developed fabric and all that has the tensile strength to hold in that Thanksgiving dinner.

The one caveat? I swim daily at the local Y and try to get in an hour and 100 laps/lanes. It seems that the NASA developed fiber may be impervious to many things except the one very important factor in swimming pools other than the water. Good old Chlorine.

Price of suit doesn't matter. You can have a suit that was hundreds and within a month it has gone from gorgeous to a sheer fabric. It seems that the chlorine loves to eat the spandex. Once that's gone, a stunning and sexy black suit turns into a see-thru nightmare that sags in places never imagined. You have 3 times the amount of fabric you actually need (all the spandex has been devoured by the malicious chlorine) and as you climb that ladder out of the pool you just hope that you've managed to get in your swim before the chlorine devours the rest of your suit.

You're just hoping that the swimsuit you were trying to get one last wearing hasn't turned into your birthday suit.

MysteryGirl
11-27-2008, 23:41
And I'm sure that the young guys at the pool were saying, "ewwww gross" at the site of my pregnant body in a bathing suit (judging by their glares I would say that's true). Now with a postpartum belly I'm sure I'd get even more "ick" looks from the young guys and girls.

So, are we saying that only young slim people should wear bathing suits and the rest of us should wear gunny sacks or just stay home perhaps?

If we want people to accept our bodies in all their non-super-model glory, why can't we accept others?

Yogini, read the posts again, that is not at all what anyone is saying. All bodies are beautiful and need to be on the beach...in swimsuits!!!! I repeat, IN SWIMSUITS, not a tiny light colored see through thong. I dont want to look at a photographic outline of a man's genital bits while I am on the beach. That was what the "ick" was for. Let's face it, I PIZZOLINI AREN'T VERY PRETTY UNLESS THEY ARE ATTACHED TO SOMEONE YOU LIKE A WHOLE LOT. And this is a family beach, close to naked probably isn't OK. Even a normal speedo would be just fine.

So go get yourself a suit and go be happy on the beach. I'm sure you look terrific. You just made a child, rock on sister.


When I started back with my swimming routine and used to go to the very early 6:30am swim, there was a man who would show up about 15 minutes later. He was extremely heavy - the type of guy who looks as if he's in his 48th month of pregnancy.

It was hard to keep my pace because you couldn't help but notice him in the pool. He several colors of one style suit - the g-string speedo. Swimming freestyle and with gravity taking over ... you get the idea. It was like watching a train wreck. You don't want to look, but you just can't help it.

The worst part? You can't get the image out of your mind.

Lulubelle
11-28-2008, 11:05
This had to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Not only was it hysterical but so much of it rang true.

If you're not a pre-pubescent female or shaped like a young boy, most suits out there will not do for a real woman.

Sure, there are the suits you see in magazines that show so much skin that if you dare move things that haven't seen the light of day will appear. They don't tell you that everything isn't held in place by NASA developed fabric but just regular duck tape.

I really think swimsuit designers have this hidden agenda to make women afraid of searching for just the right suit only to try it on and have it cut so low that others on the beach can tell how many C-sections you've had or cut so high that the sides come up to just barely under your arms.

Some manufacturers have finally begun making suits with actual cup sizes built into very flattering suits. NASA developed fabric and all that has the tensile strength to hold in that Thanksgiving dinner.

The one caveat? I swim daily at the local Y and try to get in an hour and 100 laps/lanes. It seems that the NASA developed fiber may be impervious to many things except the one very important factor in swimming pools other than the water. Good old Chlorine.

Price of suit doesn't matter. You can have a suit that was hundreds and within a month it has gone from gorgeous to a sheer fabric. It seems that the chlorine loves to eat the spandex. Once that's gone, a stunning and sexy black suit turns into a see-thru nightmare that sags in places never imagined. You have 3 times the amount of fabric you actually need (all the spandex has been devoured by the malicious chlorine) and as you climb that ladder out of the pool you just hope that you've managed to get in your swim before the chlorine devours the rest of your suit.

You're just hoping that the swimsuit you were trying to get one last wearing hasn't turned into your birthday suit.

SO true! Surely there is a fabric that won't disolve in .... water. Do you remember those Land's end adds that basically said "we can fit anyone." I had to call their bluff. They had long torso suits, they had cup sized suits (but ONLY up to a DD, not much help for me there). But they had no long torso/cup sized suits. I called them and asked which part of my I should fit, my torso (I'm tall) or my bust (not that the ones they had would even come close). If I could do a bikini, it would be far easier. I bought some suits this year, expensive ones that didn't fit great but better than any others I tried. Way too much cleavage going on for a scuba boat. They are all trashed already from the pool/salt.

Speedo should get busy designing some cup sized athletic suits for women.

Anyone know of custom makers?

Per splitlip...non chiede per i photografie per piacere!

Splitlip
11-28-2008, 15:01
This had to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Not only was it hysterical but so much of it rang true.

If you're not a pre-pubescent female or shaped like a young boy, most suits out there will not do for a real woman.

Sure, there are the suits you see in magazines that show so much skin that if you dare move things that haven't seen the light of day will appear. They don't tell you that everything isn't held in place by NASA developed fabric but just regular duck tape.

I really think swimsuit designers have this hidden agenda to make women afraid of searching for just the right suit only to try it on and have it cut so low that others on the beach can tell how many C-sections you've had or cut so high that the sides come up to just barely under your arms.

Some manufacturers have finally begun making suits with actual cup sizes built into very flattering suits. NASA developed fabric and all that has the tensile strength to hold in that Thanksgiving dinner.

The one caveat? I swim daily at the local Y and try to get in an hour and 100 laps/lanes. It seems that the NASA developed fiber may be impervious to many things except the one very important factor in swimming pools other than the water. Good old Chlorine.

Price of suit doesn't matter. You can have a suit that was hundreds and within a month it has gone from gorgeous to a sheer fabric. It seems that the chlorine loves to eat the spandex. Once that's gone, a stunning and sexy black suit turns into a see-thru nightmare that sags in places never imagined. You have 3 times the amount of fabric you actually need (all the spandex has been devoured by the malicious chlorine) and as you climb that ladder out of the pool you just hope that you've managed to get in your swim before the chlorine devours the rest of your suit.

You're just hoping that the swimsuit you were trying to get one last wearing hasn't turned into your birthday suit.

They had long torso suits, they had cup sized suits (but ONLY up to a DD, not much help for me there). But they had no long torso/cup sized suits.

Per splitlip...non chiede per i photografie per piacere!

Well you know I have to.:)

ccoceangirl
11-30-2008, 00:03
I have to totally agree. I'm moving to Utila for the IDC course and didnt want a flashy "I'm so sexy" suit. I then realized how hard it is to find a suit that isnt for a model or a child. Suits are probably the worst thing in the world to try and find that you would actually like feel comfortable in and get your moneys worth.

Splitlip
11-30-2008, 06:30
I have to totally agree. I'm moving to Utila for the IDC course and didnt want a flashy "I'm so sexy" suit. I then realized how hard it is to find a suit that isnt for a model or a child. Suits are probably the worst thing in the world to try and find that you would actually like feel comfortable in and get your moneys worth.

I have no problems.

Cheddarchick
11-30-2008, 07:03
Oh...My....Gawd......

Splitlip
11-30-2008, 14:43
What?

Oh, I know. The bling. Probably right. Too much.

Lulubelle
11-30-2008, 17:01
At least it isn't a thong.

Splitlip
11-30-2008, 17:12
Oh. come on....

Cheddarchick
11-30-2008, 17:26
Probably is in the back.....AAHHHHHH........MUST STERILIZE MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shenanigan
11-30-2008, 18:14
:smiley11::smiley11::smiley11:

divingyogini
12-01-2008, 18:53
This thread has just reminded me of how much I love clothing optional places and how excited I am to revisit Club Orient in March for a couple days.

No trying to squeeze my bits and pieces into a tourniquet meant for a Barbie doll there.

Splitlip
12-01-2008, 20:54
Pictures?

Diver Kat
12-01-2008, 23:03
You did mean a picture of Barbie in a bikini .... didn't you????:smilie39::smilie39:

http://www.sadiestoybox.com/img/productImages/Beach%20Fun%20Barbie%20blonde%20J0709.jpg

Shark girl
12-01-2008, 23:17
Now that's just depressing. I'm sure she's lost weight since I was a child! Size 000?? On the plus side she doesn't have those strange, permenantly standing on tip toes any more... wonder what her finning technique is like?

Splitlip
12-01-2008, 23:42
No Dear Kat. Surely, you know me better than that. :smiley36:

Nice shot though. :)


You did mean a picture of Barbie in a bikini .... didn't you????:smilie39::smilie39:

http://www.sadiestoybox.com/img/productImages/Beach%20Fun%20Barbie%20blonde%20J0709.jpg

Cheddarchick
12-04-2008, 06:20
wow....she is not welcome in this thread. Get out Barbie!!!

BlowingBubbles
12-04-2008, 06:42
You did mean a picture of Barbie in a bikini .... didn't you????:smilie39::smilie39:

http://www.sadiestoybox.com/img/productImages/Beach%20Fun%20Barbie%20blonde%20J0709.jpg


She's soooo fake. And what's with the tatoo?? I don't remember any of my Barbie's having a tatoo. Guess she's a modern girl, in a modern world.

Diver Kat
12-04-2008, 22:56
Well I have to say, Ken's looking a bit girly ... needs some 'MAN' time in the Cave with Splitlip to 'ponder' things I guess .... :smilie39::smilie39:

http://z.about.com/d/toys/1/0/e/A/BeachFunKen.jpg

unibrook
12-05-2008, 14:07
Nice tat, Barbie! giggity. And hey, if you want to see the fossil speedo olympics, get thee down to Copacabana any fine day and see the 85 yr old wrinkle bags jogging along the beach with skin flapping every which way. I feel like Greg Largeanus in comparison.

Splitlip
12-05-2008, 16:20
Did you say something?

Sorry I was looking at your avatar.

Shenanigan
12-05-2008, 17:08
Did you say something?

Sorry I was looking at your avatar.

Just keep looking and we won't have to worry about your :2cents:

:smilie39:

Diver Kat
12-05-2008, 18:40
Did you say something?

Sorry I was looking at your avatar.

LOL ... looking at pictures and pondering in his cave ... that's Splitlip!! :smilie39:

scubajane
12-05-2008, 21:45
can I join you in your cave...I must ponder too.

Splitlip
12-06-2008, 00:46
Most certainly.

Diver Kat
12-07-2008, 15:18
SJ ... please take pictures when you visit!! I think there is money on the line as to what tropical color Splitlip's cave is painted!! :smilie39:

DollFin
12-07-2008, 16:01
SJ ... please take pictures when you visit!! I think there is money on the line as to what tropical color Splitlip's cave is painted!! :smilie39:


$10 on orange!

Diver Kat
12-07-2008, 16:47
SJ ... please take pictures when you visit!! I think there is money on the line as to what tropical color Splitlip's cave is painted!! :smilie39:


$10 on orange!

Hey!! Aren't you in St Thomas now????

(And I've got $10 on Bermuda Pink!):smiley2:

..

DollFin
12-07-2008, 16:50
Hey!! Aren't you in St Thomas now????


..

Not yet, I leave on Wednesday! :D

Diver Kat
12-07-2008, 16:51
Hey!! Aren't you in St Thomas now????


..

Not yet, I leave on Wednesday! :D
Oh bummer ... here I was thinking you were already having fun!! So I guess you have a few more days to harass the guys ....:smilie39:

DollFin
12-07-2008, 17:03
Hey!! Aren't you in St Thomas now????


..

Not yet, I leave on Wednesday! :D
Oh bummer ... here I was thinking you were already having fun!! So I guess you have a few more days to harass the guys ....:smilie39:


That's almost as much fun as diving in the Caribbean! ;)

cowgirldiver
03-25-2009, 10:20
On the plus side she doesn't have those strange, permenantly standing on tip toes any more... wonder what her finning technique is like?

She had to stand on tiptoe so that she could wear those high heels while cleaning the house and waiting for her husband to get home (also for wearing with all her evening gowns). I'm sure they were hard to wear in the sand at the shore. Now she just needs to be able to wear sandals/flipflops-course I guess her toes would have to separate for that....

ohiodiver
03-27-2009, 07:42
anyone with any skills should be able to separate her toes....................an exacto knife?

fanatique
03-27-2009, 11:00
That made for a very funny read. I applaud your courage to at least try on different styles. And there's nothing wrong with cut-offs anyway! Makes me nostalgic about the 80's... :)