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View Full Version : Free trip to Vanuatu!!!



picxie
08-20-2007, 02:24
Ah ha, I knew that would get your attention!!

So, I have been seeing someone for about 6 months and they want to go to Vanuatu in a few months. Now, the topic has come up several times over the last few months and I have always stated sorry, I can't afford it. I have made it very clear that my finances won't allow a trip overseas this year. Now, the subject has come up again and the response this time was that it would be paid for me ... this wasn't too much of a surprise as it has been hinted before and I've always changed the topic before it was explicitly said. My answer was no - it's too much. But I've been told to think about it. I'm 98% certain my answer will remain no - I don't want to bludge off someone. Although there is a little 2% devil sitting on my shoulder telling me I'm an idiot - hello? A free diving trip to Vanuatu at a time I REALLY need a holiday??!!

So, I am curious. What would your answer be in a similar situation??

(Now hopefully this poll works!!)

thesmoothdome
08-20-2007, 03:13
I'm even uncomfortable if someone picks up the check in the restaraunt, so I understand your dilema. I'd wory that the trip would come back to haunt the relationship, but I'd be dying to go anyway.

Charlotte Smith
08-20-2007, 06:22
You only live once...QUESTION.....will you ever have a chance like this again?...If so...wait...if not.....GO!

Jaymeany
08-20-2007, 06:30
I say it depends on the relationship. if its the real deal roll with it and go. if its a relationship that is unpredictable (not that any really are) I'd jump on a liveaboard while they are away!

deepdiver47
08-20-2007, 07:00
Picxie, How serious are you with this person? After 6 months you should know if there is something there or not. It could be a situation whereby going on this trip your relationship may take the next step. From a means standpoint, what does this amount of money mean to a person like this? I don't think that it is a payback situation. As guys it is a bit unatural for a girl to spend this amount of money on us.

Don't let the hurd decide this for you. You need to decide this for yourself.

Illini_Fan
08-20-2007, 07:11
I've never had that opportunity present itself, but if it did I think it would be NO, unless I could figure out a way to pay for a portion of my trip. Like the thesmoothdome said, I'm not comfortable with someone paying for movie tickets for me, unless I know I'm paying for the popcorn right after that and it evens out.

But..... you also have to weigh the impact on the relationship if you say NO. This might be something of a gift in the eyes of your significant other that you are not accepting. Can you find a middle-ground and pay for food, surface intervals, etc... while the airfare and hotel / diving are paid on your behalf. That is not a 50/50 thing, but...

Ultimately, as deepdiver said, it is up to you.

Centerius
08-20-2007, 07:16
But..... you also have to weigh the impact on the relationship if you say NO. This might be something of a gift in the eyes of your significant other that you are not accepting. Can you find a middle-ground and pay for food, surface intervals, etc... while the airfare and hotel / diving are paid on your behalf. That is not a 50/50 thing, but...

I voted for "yes," however it comes with a little bit of thinking. It may be a gift, but if you decide to accept it, since you are in a relationship with this person, you should make it clear that it's not something that he can "hold over your head" in the future. Say if you didn't want to do something in the future, he would say "but I took you on that vacation." It shouldn't be like that.

94GTStang
08-20-2007, 08:13
I say go for it! Just attempt to pay for things like food etc while down there. When you get back, put yourself on a payment plan

cgvmer
08-20-2007, 08:27
The way my work day is going, I would go away with anyone! UGH!

ScubaCrash
08-20-2007, 10:52
Yes this could be a VERY slippery slope you're about to tread on picxie, and there really isn't a delicate way of getting around saying no to the trip and not causing some heartburn, and saying yes is frought with it's own problems. If you both can sit down and discuss it without anyone's feelings being hurt, I would say have a chat and lay it all out about your feelings on the subject, see what's expected, would there be any expectations of repayment, would repaying the trip be an insult etc. Obviously I don't know either of you, so you'll have to be the one to assess the situation as to whether you can even have this type of disciussion. Either way, best of luck and I hope it works out well for you both

NitroWill
08-20-2007, 10:54
Do it! They must obviously want you to go with and obviously can afford it so go for it! You can just pay for some meals, dives, etc while there! Could also pick up a lil scuba gift or two for them to show them you appreciate it! You only live once so have fun!

georoc01
08-20-2007, 14:36
I guess it depends how serious a relationship this is. If I have been dating someone seriously for six months, It would be an easy answer of yes. Or if not, I would certainly have an alternative in mind if I said no.

For me when I have been in a serious relationship, its not the place, its the person. We could go diving at some mud hole somewhere, but its the chance to spend time together that is important.

If the relationship isn't that serious in your mind, then I think you do need to have a talk about how serious the person who wants to take you is about you. Is it really the money that's the problem? Or the idea of going 1/2 way around the world with someone who you really aren't ready for a commitment with?

But don't say yes if you are having doubts. Its better to say no now than to to get cold feet at the last minute and have him posting on this site to find someone to replace you. Having been in that situation recently, although on a smaller scale, it sucks to have this trip bought and paid for and having to decide whether to go it alone, or find someone last minute. And mine was only four days and the change was relatively easy. This one would be much harder.

The fact that you are having 2nd thoughts enough to post this thread should be enough to give you the answer you are looking for.

CompuDude
08-20-2007, 15:15
I couldn't really vote without more info.

It really depends on the relationship. Will anything be "expected" of you in return for the free trip, that you aren't comfortable giving?

Will this gift make the relationship closer than you'll want? Or is it casual and someone who just really wants a buddy along?

It's not really fair to take advantage of someone's largess if you're not serious and they want to be. But as long as everything is up front and out in the open with regard to expectations, turning down a free trip seems kinda crazy to me. YMMV...

dallasdivergirl
08-20-2007, 15:31
Coming from my little frame of thought.

Is he offering because he enjoys your company and wants to spend some quality time with you? Do you want to take this trip? Is he just being generous? Do you not want him to be this generous?

lucidblue
08-20-2007, 15:50
Picxie, How serious are you with this person? After 6 months you should know if there is something there or not. It could be a situation whereby going on this trip your relationship may take the next step. From a means standpoint, what does this amount of money mean to a person like this? I don't think that it is a payback situation. As guys it is a bit unatural for a girl to spend this amount of money on us.

Don't let the hurd decide this for you. You need to decide this for yourself.

These are good questions. I don't think any of us can give advice without more information. With that in mind, here are some thoughts:
It would be hard for me to accept a large gift like this too, even though I'd really want to go. If you don't want to go just because of the size of the gift (and it has nothing to do with any of the factors below), he might be insulted. He may also just want to go on the vacation and want your company and is willing to pay if it gets him there with you. I've been in that situation before, I just really wanted to go on vacation, so I offered to pay. In my situation he just wouldn't go and I was pretty irritated that he couldn't just accept the gift (note: I know it is silly that I would have a hard time accepting the gift, yet thought he should).
If both of you think the relationship is strong and it has a future and he can afford this type of generosity then I might consider going. Personally, within 6 months, I'd know how if I felt that strongly about someone.
If he's more serious about the relationship than you are, I wouldn't go because he might assume you feel more strongly than you do or that you're taking advantage of his generosity.Good luck with the decision making.

Xspect
08-20-2007, 18:10
I think it has to do with the relationship. You can exchange other things besides money (and sex). Good company is a rare and great thing

picxie
08-21-2007, 04:33
Yes this could be a VERY slippery slope you're about to tread on picxie, and there really isn't a delicate way of getting around saying no to the trip and not causing some heartburn, and saying yes is frought with it's own problems.

Hmmm, I never actually thought that turning it down might cause issues!! However, I'd rather have those issues than my own internal issues if the trip was accepted.


Coming from my little frame of thought.

Is he offering because he enjoys your company and wants to spend some quality time with you? Do you want to take this trip? Is he just being generous? Do you not want him to be this generous?

Yes to all of the above!!



But don't say yes if you are having doubts. Its better to say no now than to to get cold feet at the last minute and have him posting on this site to find someone to replace you. Having been in that situation recently, although on a smaller scale, it sucks to have this trip bought and paid for and having to decide whether to go it alone, or find someone last minute. And mine was only four days and the change was relatively easy. This one would be much harder.

The fact that you are having 2nd thoughts enough to post this thread should be enough to give you the answer you are looking for.

I'm not really having second thoughts - my first (& current) response was thanks but no thanks. I would love to go (hence the little 2% devil!), but I wouldn't be very proud of myself if I accepted. I posted out of curiosity - to see what others might do in a similar situation. The comments have been interesting and appreciated.

I tried working out a way where I could afford it - but unless I work an extra 15-20 hours a week over the next 6 weeks, it's just not going to happen. There's always the chance of winning lotto I guess :smilie39:

Krakenn
08-21-2007, 04:46
Oh for christs sake, you bloody wooses, take the deal and the trip and have a great time, look at it this way its a causeway of love allowing you to get to know each other on lifes journey.

Besides if she is worth it you will have to pay and pay and pay and pay for the rest of the trip - through life that is!

Oh bugger, I just realised you are a lady, hmmm well look at it like this then -
Take the trip have a great time together then dump looser at the gate on the way back. No regrets your only 27.

Kraks the Philosopher

deepdiver47
08-21-2007, 06:58
yea, she is a women. That puts a different spin on things. And yes ladies, there is a double standard.

frankc420
08-21-2007, 07:08
This is a funny thread because, I wouldn't even have to think twice about it. Of course I would go. If someone is either, A) dumb enough to pay that much $$ for me to go, they must really want me to go B) loves me enough to pay that much $$ for me to go, they must really want me to go

Regardless, I wouldn't feel a bit bad, nor would I feel obligated to 'do' anything with them, if you get my drift.

Anyway, put your ego aside and take the trip, if it doesn't work out, you would have atleast gotten to go to a place you wouldn't have been able to pay for yourself, and you had a good time doing it.

IF the relationship doesn't work out and you remain friends, 5 years down the road you could be like, "hey, remember that trip to Vanuatu..."

If someone is actually willing to spend that kind of $$ on someone, it would probably hurt their feelings that you said no, more than it would hurt your ego to say yes.