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Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 08:36
OK This is too funny (for us Gals) to not post. Laugh away.....Remember:
I DID NOT HAVE THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!!


My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and
spots blur my vision.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.... My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out
of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE .......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Charlotte Smith
08-23-2007, 08:43
bahahahahah I am laughing so hard! Good one!

unclepooty
08-23-2007, 08:47
now THAT is funny:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

mwhities
08-23-2007, 08:53
hahahaha I needed that this morning. (I know I shouldn't be in here but, you women are easy entertainment. ;P)

Thanks,

Michael

Foo2
08-23-2007, 09:05
That was hysterical! Any woman that has ever done waxing at home can have sympathy for this poor woman. Waxing sure can be a b%^&# but man, it last a lot longer than shaving!

Disneymom
08-23-2007, 09:18
:smilie39: Oh, that is hilarious!! thanks for a good morning funny!

dallasdivergirl
08-23-2007, 09:47
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

mwhities
08-23-2007, 10:00
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael

gtjason2000
08-23-2007, 10:58
that has got to be the funniest embarrassing story i have ever heard, you tell it so well with such suspense of just how you would get out of the situation.

scubasavvy
08-23-2007, 11:01
Wow...and thank you for the descriptive words, lol...

NitroWill
08-23-2007, 11:07
Nice story cheddar...so..how are you recovering? :)

namabiru
08-23-2007, 11:10
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: :smilie39:

Oh man... is it completely wrong to say that that sounds like something Homer Simpson would do? D'oh d'oh d'oh d'oh!

You're a brave woman, Cheddarchick, for sharing this with us.

Grand Poobahs, can we nominate someone for a special prize for courage through embarrassment and/or funniest post? Cheddarchick *definitely* should be a front-runner for the prize. That and the poster in the hinged fins thread who asked if, when he does his Chuck Norris round-house, if the fin comes flying back into place.

Scubacookie
08-23-2007, 12:11
That is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

namabiru
08-23-2007, 12:38
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael

*points finger*

Bi-brow, bi-brow, bi-brow!

Sorry, I sound like I'm on crack. Which I am, but that's besides the point. :smiley26:

Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 13:01
It Wasn't Me Honestly........Just passed it along........Really!!!!!

NitroWill
08-23-2007, 13:06
Sure, sure..well hows your "friend" recovering then?

Queen
08-23-2007, 13:08
Bwaaaaa Haaaaaaaa!!!!! :smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

Just when I THOUGHT I might try waxing at home...nevermind!

Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 13:37
Glad to say she lived through it.....

picxie
08-23-2007, 14:22
Oh that's funny!! :smilie39: I haven't actually laughed out loud when reading a story for a while but there was lots of laughing with this one!!

Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 15:11
Though she hasn't been seen in a bathing suit lately......hmmmm...

NitroWill
08-23-2007, 15:16
:ttiuwop:



:smiley36:

Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 15:17
Will somethings are never meant to be seen.......

Harshal
08-23-2007, 15:58
Hilarious ………… just one word for this story. :smilie39:
I would not say much since Larry has banned guys from being in here ............lol

Cheddarchick
08-23-2007, 17:42
Larry, you didn't ban the boys did ya????

ixrayu
08-23-2007, 20:12
That cracked me up! The bad thing is I tried something like that once and only once.

Cheddarchick
08-24-2007, 05:36
Once is all it takes for women to learn....After all we're not men.....

tx.lakerat
08-24-2007, 07:40
OMG I laughed so hard I cried.... Reminds me of the movie "what women want" LOL... thanks for the laugh!

Osprey
08-24-2007, 11:53
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael

AMEN!! I have having a caterpillar marching across my forehead.. and I'm selfish, one eyebrow just isn't enough for me..

dallasdivergirl
08-24-2007, 12:32
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael

AMEN!! I have having a caterpillar marching across my forehead.. and I'm selfish, one eyebrow just isn't enough for me..

I tweeze! I even tweeze my legs (anything missed by shaving) and I am working on tweezing my entire underarm. I want to find someone who threads. With waxing my eyebrow ends up with terrible clogged pores for a couple of weeks. Very un-fun.

Queen
08-24-2007, 13:40
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael

AMEN!! I have having a caterpillar marching across my forehead.. and I'm selfish, one eyebrow just isn't enough for me..

I tweeze! I even tweeze my legs (anything missed by shaving) and I am working on tweezing my entire underarm. I want to find someone who threads. With waxing my eyebrow ends up with terrible clogged pores for a couple of weeks. Very un-fun.
I need to start tweezing my eyebrows, every time I get them waxed the skin peels non-stop for about 3 weeks...very sexy I tell ya.

quarrydiver
08-26-2007, 19:30
Holy crap! I thought shaving my face every morning was a pain.

tedtim
08-26-2007, 19:53
....God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! ......
Every now and then we do have good ideas.

Liv7301
08-26-2007, 20:59
I had an arch of hard wax stuck above my earbrow for a couple of days thanks to a home wax kit.

My really special boo-boo was with some Nair. Nothing like a chemical burn in the bikini zone to really take your breath away with pain. The highlight was a few days later when I went to shave and out of habit went to the inner thigh region...and the pain created by a razor scraping over a chemical burn could only be described at spectacular.

skippy11
08-26-2007, 21:00
That is Hysterical!! I haven't laughed like this in a long time. As I was sitting here reading, my sister came in the room and wanted to know what was so funny. She read along w/ me.....now we are both crying due to laughter, but knowing the pain you just endured....I'm so sorry, but thanks for the laugh.

Liv7301
08-26-2007, 21:10
It's ok...it was about 5 years ago and I find it very amusing now too. I think at some point every woman will have some kind of melodramatic shaving/waxing/epilating/tweezing moment.

The torrent of obscenities that flowed from my mouth on those two events would have made a sailor blush. My husband rushed in the bathroom thinking I was going to be laying on the floor with a broken limb. Instead he found me standing with my legs apart and declaring that my crotch as on fire.

Oh, the memories... :)

namabiru
08-26-2007, 21:58
It Wasn't Me Honestly........Just passed it along........Really!!!!!

:smiley2: Uh huh...

You know, Cheddarchick, "denial" isn't just an Egyptian river.

DivingsInMyBlood
08-26-2007, 22:08
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: Sorry for posting here ladies, but that stuff is so funny its worthy to be in an American pie movie.

Divegirl
08-26-2007, 23:32
TO FUNNY, I have tears rolling, poor girl, Great story writer, i look forward to hearing more from you!!!

greyzen
08-27-2007, 00:04
K, I'm not a girl... but I do get waxed :)

I'm Scottish which means I'm on par with say... a Yeti.
As such, and to the delight of my wife, I go with her when she gets her legs/etc. done and I get my back/shoulders done.

I hate it when the damn waxer stops doing it to ask about my well being.
I'm sitting here thinking "You crazy (&*#&^@ you are pulling hair out of my skin by the hundreds.. how the hell SHOULD I be feeling?! Shut up and finish for gods sake!"

Also, sometimes the rooms are cold :(

Cheddarchick
08-27-2007, 05:52
Greyzen...You are officially declared a woman's man!!!!!!! What a stud!!!

greyzen
08-27-2007, 13:37
:smiley27:

:naughty:

Hemlon
08-27-2007, 13:46
cheddar...

Girl, you made my freakin' day! I laughed so hard that I thought I might puke.

Excellent.

Cheddarchick
08-27-2007, 15:14
Just a note......The names shall remain secret....

scuba Widow
09-01-2007, 20:54
I have never wanted to try waxing and after that story I never will...thanks for the laugh.

kevinj1
09-01-2007, 23:11
That was hysterical--i needed a good laugh.

Cheddarchick
09-02-2007, 18:50
We aim to please.....

savannahbell
09-03-2007, 10:33
It's ok...it was about 5 years ago and I find it very amusing now too. I think at some point every woman will have some kind of melodramatic shaving/waxing/epilating/tweezing moment.

The torrent of obscenities that flowed from my mouth on those two events would have made a sailor blush. My husband rushed in the bathroom thinking I was going to be laying on the floor with a broken limb. Instead he found me standing with my legs apart and declaring that my crotch as on fire.

Oh, the memories... :)

So is it awful that I can so relate to everything you have just said. I will only pay someone to do all the waxing now. I took a vow to never ever buy another home waxing or hair removal kit for the rest of my life. The chemical burn was so bad that I thought I was going to die and it was summer, so don't ever go to the beach for the next week after that. I know you have the whole picture now.

Thanks for the story, I read something like that a few years ago and it gets better everytime I read it.
:smilie39:

cshel
09-03-2007, 11:19
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: :smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

This has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a very long time! I've tried the home waxing thing on my legs...ONCE. Actually... only one section of one leg... the size of one strip... I know that pain... I can only imagine the hoo ha has got to be exponentially worse!

I nominate this for the best thread award! No one could top this!

I was laughing so hard I had to take a break half-way thru - then I laid on the floor afterward just running the visuals back in my head laughing and crying till I could hardly breathe and my nose was running. Then my boyfriend decided he had to read it and every time he laughed, I laughed more - still laying on the floor.... took me about 10 minutes to recover....

Cheddarchick
09-03-2007, 18:58
Ah the things we do for beauty's sake.......

BeachBunnyCrissy
09-04-2007, 21:15
This makes me start thinking getting it all lasered may be my "safer" option! Great Story!

Anne Eastwell
09-12-2007, 01:42
I would never do that to myself at any point in time.

Waxing is evil!

I hurt reading this.

I had my uni-brow waxed yesterday. ;) I now have TWO eyebrows!

Michael


No way does your eyebrow hurt anywhere near as much as the nether-regions!!!!!!!!! Trust me!!!!!

Anne Eastwell
09-12-2007, 01:43
This is hysterical. Thanks for picking up my afternoon. I'm going home to NOT wax!

Cheddarchick
09-12-2007, 06:00
even a candle scares me....

DevilDiver
09-20-2007, 23:09
I know guys are supposed to stay out but this thread has stayed around for sooo long I had to see what could keep the ladies all worked up....

Holy :smiley35:! I am sorry that hurts but it sure is funny to read about....:smiley26:

TX SCUBA FAMILY
09-20-2007, 23:32
I feel bad for the person this happened to but that was pretty darn funny. I was reading this to my husband and had tears running down my face.:smilie39:

WaScubaDude
09-21-2007, 00:17
Hilarious! I will share another time. I need to wipe my eyes.

przeor
09-21-2007, 07:27
I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?

chrissysb
09-21-2007, 11:01
Best

Post

Ever.





I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?
You are kidding - right?

TX SCUBA FAMILY
09-21-2007, 13:38
I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?

Otherwise known as hoochie, muffin, poonannie, her flower...etc. I hope these might help identify what a hoo-ha is. If this doesn't make sense call a gynocologist and ask the front staff. I am sure they can help.

Foo2
09-21-2007, 14:24
Oh my, guys.... This is getting ugly fast. Please try to keep it somewhat family friendly. :)

DevilDiver
09-21-2007, 15:08
Perhaps this Hoo-Haa thing is related to the elusive Foo Woo Hoo dance ritual?
:tanzen015:

przeor
09-21-2007, 19:22
Best

Post

Ever.





I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?
You are kidding - right?

Yes, I am kidding.. . Thanks for the best post ever compliment though! Do I win a prize?

Cheddarchick
09-22-2007, 06:34
Now gentle readers..... This forum was set up to teach and learn.....Did not this topic do this????

TX SCUBA FAMILY
09-22-2007, 10:54
I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?

Otherwise known as hoochie, muffin, poonannie, her flower...etc. I hope these might help identify what a hoo-ha is. If this doesn't make sense call a gynocologist and ask the front staff. I am sure they can help.


Oh my, guys.... This is getting ugly fast. Please try to keep it somewhat family friendly. :)

Sorry Foo2. Didn't mean to offend anyone. My warped sense of humor sometimes gets me into trouble.

Foo2
09-22-2007, 12:37
I'm confused... what's a hoo-ha?

Otherwise known as hoochie, muffin, poonannie, her flower...etc. I hope these might help identify what a hoo-ha is. If this doesn't make sense call a gynocologist and ask the front staff. I am sure they can help.


Oh my, guys.... This is getting ugly fast. Please try to keep it somewhat family friendly. :)

Sorry Foo2. Didn't mean to offend anyone. My warped sense of humor sometimes gets me into trouble.

No problem! :smiley2: Thanks for understanding. :smiley20: It was funny though...

crpntr133
09-22-2007, 12:45
I'm am so glad that I don't have a hoo-ha. Never heard it called that either. Hmm, note to self, must get out more.

DevilDiver
09-22-2007, 12:52
I'm am so glad that I don't have a hoo-ha. Never heard it called that either. Hmm, note to self, must get out more.

:smiley5: Hold on!!!!
No o ne has declaired this a "Hoo Ha" free zone!
If you want to "Hoo Ha" please do!:smilie39:

scubafreak
09-23-2007, 17:48
That has got to win thread of the month !!!!!!!

Cheddarchick
09-23-2007, 18:15
HooooooooooHaaaaaaa
Ouch....too much hooing

mdwestgrl
09-23-2007, 19:07
Definately some misery there!!!!! OUCH!!!!!! :smiley5:

frankc420
09-23-2007, 22:19
That was funny... but is that the end of the story?

Nothing about the razor burn from dry shaving? :D

Cheddarchick
09-24-2007, 08:10
Dry shaving???? Must be a guy thing. Girls never shave out of the shower

Tableleg
09-25-2007, 20:10
I used to dry shave before I knew any better (well that and I was too lazy to do it right :smiley36:). Since I've started wet shaving, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjhIy9rgWQU) I'll never suffer razor burn nor will shaving ever be uncomfortable again.

And every lady in the house loves feeling my face and smelling me whenever I'm done. Go figure, a baby-butt smooth face and a shaving lather that actually smells good gets more attention to a still-rough face and a smell of alcohol after shave... :smiley20:

scubamike
09-25-2007, 21:46
This must be one of the funniest post I have read in a looooong time.

She-rah!!!! LOL. I must be in the same age range as the writer of that article. I know it wasn't cheddarchick... but we all make mistakes.

scuba Widow
09-30-2007, 21:11
Dry shaving???? Must be a guy thing. Girls never shave out of the shower

Definitely a guy thing.You will never catch me me doing that.

Chocoholic
10-02-2007, 13:23
that is hilarious. i have to copy paste it and send it to all my friends!!!

scubajane
10-03-2007, 21:38
tears are running down my face, i'm so sorry you are waxing challanged. I now know I will never do that evil deed. let me know how the hair color goes. oh when you look at the picture on the front of the box. you only get the hair color not the face that hold the hair up so if you have a 95 year old face, blond or jet black hair does not help

gthomas
10-09-2007, 13:53
I laughed so had everyone in the office had to read it. Thanks:smiley32:

SYOTABUCS
10-11-2007, 05:29
I laughed until I cried!! Once the tears were gone, l laughed all over again while emailing this to all my firiends. Thanks for posting and giving me something to remember through out the day with a smile.
Angie Elton

Cheddarchick
10-11-2007, 07:51
So Pain pays off???? To all my girlfriends who go to war daily, you go girls!!!!!!!

Scubastud16
10-12-2007, 17:57
Man, that's one of the funniest things I've read in some time!

Cheddarchick
10-12-2007, 19:03
OK Any guy named scubastud should not be reading about a waxing problem in the women's forum. It is just too funny to think about, big hairy guy, laughing at us women.

Scubastud16
10-13-2007, 01:48
OK Any guy named scubastud should not be reading about a waxing problem in the women's forum. It is just too funny to think about, big hairy guy, laughing at us women.

Definitely not a big hairy dude! It's just a joke from a friend....I promise! :D

Cheddarchick
10-13-2007, 05:53
Ok then you understand how our delicate sensibilities might be offended by the male testerone.....

Silverlode
10-13-2007, 06:56
Best thing I'd read in many months. Thanks for posting it. I'd not stopped laughing through the 9 pages of posts.

kyfriedchipper
10-14-2007, 11:06
Reminds me of the scene from "40-Year Old Virgin" - they actually did that live to Steve Carell!

RoadRacer1978
10-14-2007, 11:11
I know I'm intruding in your forum, but that story made me laugh so hard. The writer of that story was hilarious. Sorry to intrude, I'll get back to cleaning the coffee up I just spewed everywhere.

Cheddarchick
10-14-2007, 19:07
You're welcome

Cissycox
10-15-2007, 20:34
As I wipe the tears from my eyes and try to get up off the floor, I appriciate the heads up! I have considered doing that as well, but not I will stick to the Gilette!
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: :smilie39::smilie39:

Anne Eastwell
10-16-2007, 19:38
I keep going back to this when I need a laugh! It's side-splittingly funny!!! I've copied and pasted it in an email to my girlfriends, so you'll be pleased to know it's busy doing the rounds of Aust in the non-diving world.

Larry & Joe, please don't delete this! We need it to stay sane.

Cheddarchick
10-21-2007, 14:05
Anne ...never let them think we have sane moments....Spoils the fear factor

Capt. Morgan
10-21-2007, 17:34
Excellent story!

cookiechick
10-24-2007, 23:22
very funny - but thinking about it hurts!

rach
10-26-2007, 13:15
hilarious--and very well written...just what i needed on a down day!!

Nubie scubie
12-18-2013, 23:25
...and I thought about waxing for my upcoming trip. Back to the store for a new razor it is!