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View Full Version : Farting!!! Lol



GONEHAWKN
08-25-2007, 04:22
i find a good fart will make me laugh like hell. be it from me or anyone else. the ONLY time it is not funny is when it is YOU and you try to squeeze out a little popper and BOOM. suddenly your either prairie doggin' it or you make a load of trouser chilly in your pants. THEN it aint so funny. unless it is someone else. but that falls back on the equation of comedy, which is: (YOU+bad luck) - (ME) = COMEDY

94GTStang
08-25-2007, 08:05
hahahahaha

Always got to watch out for those wet ones. You make an accident in your pants and thought you would like to share?

mwhities
08-25-2007, 08:16
I hate when I'm in a meeting and I have to fart, so I crank my left butt cheek up and try to get a little *poot* out.. Ahh success! BUT, it stinks and everyone is looking around for the person that did it.

Michael

cummings66
08-25-2007, 08:41
I like to think I'm discrete, I try not to make much noise in public. If I'm by myself I let nature take it's course.

Vercingetorix
08-25-2007, 08:55
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

chewyjr15
08-25-2007, 11:03
i think every man enjoys a good fart but one must be careful not to make a mess in his pants

JahJahwarrior
08-25-2007, 12:00
What about farting in a wetsuit?


(underwater, not in the livingroom when the wife walks in.) (unless your house is flooded.)

DivingsInMyBlood
08-25-2007, 12:06
I have a guy i work with i swear something crawled up his butt and died he just doesnt stop letting them rip.

94GTStang
08-25-2007, 13:28
The crop duster is usually pretty effective in dispersing the aroma when at work :D

kevinj1
08-25-2007, 13:41
wetsuit--now that must be interesting.

3rdEye
08-25-2007, 13:53
lol@ trouser chili

dludwig
08-25-2007, 15:26
I don't know if I will ever be old enough that a fart isn't funny :smiley36:

Axewizard
08-25-2007, 16:50
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Oh boy...definately priceless in this family!

Axewizard
08-25-2007, 16:52
Ok...the wetsuit thing, but what if you're single, there's a really hot chick on the dive boat and you blast one at 80'? Oh boy...talk about gas laws in action!

gtjason2000
08-25-2007, 17:09
during a divemaster pool session I had to rip one but knew that even if I could make it silent you can't hide it underwater.

chewyjr15
08-25-2007, 17:57
really id let it go and blame it on air caught in my wetsuit

DivingsInMyBlood
08-25-2007, 18:14
how many points do you get for giving the wife/girlfriend the old dutch oven?

BuzzGA
08-25-2007, 21:37
We have 2 dogs...was it me or one of them? I'll never tell

Desert_Diver
08-25-2007, 21:44
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art

scubasavvy
08-25-2007, 21:48
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art

Lmao...my dog is just as bad...

greyzen
08-25-2007, 21:52
re underwater: I just time it with a big exhalation of regulator while orienting up/down, point your fins up and turn slightly, then it looks like air from your reg :)

quarrydiver
08-26-2007, 19:43
Beware the shart!

scubafreak
08-26-2007, 20:33
I say "If it doesn't pay rent, it has to go"

TAH 73
08-26-2007, 20:47
I can't believe the board has sunk to this level.

GONEHAWKN
08-27-2007, 04:36
still you read the thread and even posted.......LOL

Charlotte Smith
08-27-2007, 05:46
R U Bored..or what...I thought farting was just a way of life for all men?????

DUnder
08-27-2007, 11:21
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art

Thats way to funny:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

Buoyant1
08-28-2007, 07:50
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art

I think it's worse if the CAT get's up and leaves!

"gas" at depth is something my dive buddy shakes his head at...I make more weird noises while diving to get him to turn and look at me...either burps, hacks, etc...

farts are god because you can feel them "rolling" up your back...you have to wiggle the BC to get them to release the whole way though!:smilie39:

frankc420
08-28-2007, 08:03
during a divemaster pool session I had to rip one but knew that even if I could make it silent you can't hide it underwater.

"Whoops, guess I had a freeflow!" :smiley20:




Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art

I had a dog that would need to fart, so he would search the house looking for me. He would be sure to set his butt on a flat smooth surface so I could hear it. He would let it rip and I swear he would smile and leave the room. If I was on the cough, he would jump up and put it butt on my leg and let it rip, then leave the room... I loved that dog, I actually cried when someone stole him =(

Tableleg
08-28-2007, 16:43
There's the picture of the guy in a wet suit (it has to be photoshopped) who looks like the marshmellow man. The caption reads, "Never fart in a wet suit"

My coworkers call me over to look at it every time... :smiley29:

thor
08-28-2007, 16:54
how many points do you get for giving the wife/girlfriend the old dutch oven?


Is the Dutch Oven where you let one loose in bed, and let the aroma fester for a lttle while, and then when your wife/g-friend moves the covers, blamm- smells like landfill city? I think at least 250 points; 500 if her mouth was open.

scubasamurai
08-28-2007, 17:38
do you really need to bring that up bubbles and all

slingshot
08-30-2007, 11:51
The anal sphincter, medically speaking, is reputed to be the smartest of muscles in the human body, for it has the ability to distinguish the state of matter, whether it be solid, liquid, or gas.

mike_s
08-30-2007, 12:06
i find a good fart will make me laugh like hell. be it from me or anyone else. the ONLY time it is not funny is when it is YOU and you try to squeeze out a little popper and BOOM. suddenly your either prairie doggin' it or you make a load of trouser chilly in your pants. THEN it aint so funny. unless it is someone else. but that falls back on the equation of comedy, which is: (YOU+bad luck) - (ME) = COMEDY



Pairie doggon! too freaking funny.


I first heard this term a couple years ago when watching a movie "Rat Race" when the little girl said she had to go to the bathrrom while riding in the car. Her dad told her to hold it and her reply was


"But Dad, it's already Prairie dogging".

"what does that mean?" (as he drives along).

daughter replies "You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground. "


I about fell over on the ground laughing .


That scene even made the review in USA TODAY.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/2001-08-17-rat-race-review.htm

Rat Race's greatest cultural contribution may be the coinage of the term "prairie-dogging."



Ironically, this is a funny as hell subject to be my 250th post on ST Forum! :smilie39:

TxScubaBear
08-30-2007, 12:51
breaking wind in wetsuit = alternate air source for buoyancy!


wetsuit--now that must be interesting.

scubasamurai
08-30-2007, 13:00
just make sure you don;t use that gas for any spare air emergencies!!! it might leave a bad taste in your mouth

Capt Hook
08-30-2007, 15:13
Damn, now this is the worst thread yet!

mike_s
08-30-2007, 15:15
Damn, now this is the worst thread yet!


not yet.... the Warhammer pic hasn't been posted yet. :smilie39:

DivingCRNA
08-30-2007, 16:32
I am amazed that no one has mentioned the old fart in the DRY suit trick. If you have a back zip, you gotta be careful. One rotten drysuit emmision and you "buddies" won't ever unzip you again!

WARHAMMER photo freaked out everyone at work... I have it, if posting it is allowed here....

mike_s
08-30-2007, 23:16
WARHAMMER photo freaked out everyone at work... I have it, if posting it is allowed here....


While I don't think they freak out here with micromanagement like Scubaboard does when this is posted, it's prob best not to post as it's really pretty digusting, even if it is funny as hell.

I'd say that's best for distribution via PM for those who "just have to see it" and spare everyone else. (just my opinion. )


(No sense starting that kinds of micromanagement here or giving a reason for it if we can keep things level and simple ourselves without having to get Larry wound up.)

kingfish
08-31-2007, 04:40
Im sure i have seen people blow smoke rings out of air....
Hmm...

Mental note.....do the fart in drysuit trick when i get a drysuit...lol

Jas.

Dark Wolf
09-01-2007, 20:09
Ahhhh, the Warhammer! I had not seen this photo until recently. Every time that I think of it, I damn near go into a laughing fit, it's just too much! Thanks D.!


Dark Wolf

diverdad
09-01-2007, 20:59
R U Bored..or what...I thought farting was just a way of life for all men?????

it is not a way of life IT IS A GOD GIVEN TALENT AND HAS BEEN RAISED TO AN ART FORM

GONEHAWKN
09-02-2007, 05:01
if you cant post it, e-mail to me

GONEHAWKN@YAHOO.COM

plot
09-02-2007, 07:32
how many points do you get for giving the wife/girlfriend the old dutch oven?


Is the Dutch Oven where you let one loose in bed, and let the aroma fester for a lttle while, and then when your wife/g-friend moves the covers, blamm- smells like landfill city? I think at least 250 points; 500 if her mouth was open.

dutch oven is when you let one rip, then pull the covers over your S/Os head forcing her to smell it.

it's a sign of a bad husband ;)

divingmedic
09-14-2007, 12:35
There's the picture of the guy in a wet suit (it has to be photoshopped) who looks like the marshmellow man. The caption reads, "Never fart in a wet suit"

My coworkers call me over to look at it every time... :smiley29:
I saw a T-shirt once that had a guy like that. The caption said "A 200 foot fart at 20 feet". I can not find it anymore. I should have bought it when I saw it.

crpntr133
09-17-2007, 22:39
There's the picture of the guy in a wet suit (it has to be photoshopped) who looks like the marshmellow man. The caption reads, "Never fart in a wet suit"

My coworkers call me over to look at it every time... :smiley29:
I saw a T-shirt once that had a guy like that. The caption said "A 200 foot fart at 20 feet". I can not find it anymore. I should have bought it when I saw it.

That is a dry suit diver that has farted, not a wet suit. We like to call it a redundant inflation source.
Oh boy the ole' Warhammer. A dive board wouldn't be complete without a Warhammer story or two.

jwdizney
09-17-2007, 22:45
Man! you guys have really give this a lot of though!... HILARIOUS!!!:smilie39:

Larry,
should you move this thread to the 'TEC' area?

zahgurim
09-18-2007, 07:44
I like unleasing SBDs on crowded subways here.
It's funny watching all the Koreans wrinkle their noses... Especially the green gas that comes out after a night of tequila.

DZorn00
09-22-2007, 07:14
how many points do you get for giving the wife/girlfriend the old dutch oven?

I'm glad some one said that as soon as I saw the thread I immediately thought Dutch oven Baby!

tremtech
09-25-2007, 07:35
Here is an information site that will answer all of your questions. except why the wife still blames me when the dog lets loose. http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

bmax
09-26-2007, 11:46
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

Maximum points if the dog gets up and leaves the room in disgust.

Art


:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: :smilie39::smilie39: LMAO!

scuba-taylor
10-06-2007, 21:52
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

They should make that on of those mastercard comercials!!! LOL:smilie39::Trykk::jumpin::Thud:

Suther2136
10-07-2007, 02:40
Yes bubbles coming out of you ankles is a dead give away! But better than coming out by your wrist....or neck...

datamunk
10-08-2007, 19:27
ive never made trouser chilly.. but damn close.. i love a fart... mmmmmmm i get em nice and strong when im goin to sleep.. cracks me up haha

danielh03
10-09-2007, 00:41
Ok, good fart story. I was stationed in Germany for my first time. Found a little place that made killer goat cheese sandwiches (no pun there). Well two of those and some sour kraut, and about 4 dark wieffen beers later, we find outself's in a van, and its about 12 degress F out side.... As we approached the gate I couldn't hold it anymore and let it go. Everyone in the van gagged, and the gate guard was gagging as well..... never even checked my ID

GFD113
04-04-2010, 14:56
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

How many points for making wife vomit?:smiley20: I do that atleast twice a month.:smilie39:

reactive
04-04-2010, 21:13
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

How many points for making wife vomit?:smiley20: I do that atleast twice a month.:smilie39:

Dude, you just dug up a fart thread from 2007? Either your really bored or really desperate to make 250 posts!

My contribution to the this thread will be a meme that my grandfather always told me when I was younger (still says it every once and a while):
"The two rules of being a man are as follows
1. Never waste an erection
2. Never trust a fart."

GFD113
04-05-2010, 06:15
Fart when wife is in the room: 100 points
Wife looks at you with digust: 150 points
Fail to apologize for farting: 200 points when wife looks at you with disapproval

Laugh about the whole thing: priceless when wife admonishes yous

How many points for making wife vomit?:smiley20: I do that atleast twice a month.:smilie39:

Dude, you just dug up a fart thread from 2007? Either your really bored or really desperate to make 250 posts!

My contribution to the this thread will be a meme that my grandfather always told me when I was younger (still says it every once and a while):
"The two rules of being a man are as follows
1. Never waste an erection
2. Never trust a fart."

I was that bored, I read every single manlaw thread.

yeroks
04-05-2010, 12:38
My 18 month old daughter already has some serious power. My wife blames me for giving her the "gift".

Noob
04-05-2010, 12:42
LOL, This topic just made my day better.

gee
04-06-2010, 00:36
For some reason, reading this story made me laugh so hard that my stomach cramped! I'm glad this thread was dug up!
[/quote]
I had a dog that would need to fart, so he would search the house looking for me. He would be sure to set his butt on a flat smooth surface so I could hear it. He would let it rip and I swear he would smile and leave the room. If I was on the cough, he would jump up and put it butt on my leg and let it rip, then leave the room... I loved that dog, I actually cried when someone stole him =([/QUOTE]

shad
06-15-2010, 08:15
The best is fart in a line at the ticket counter and blame it on your friend standing next to you. or even better than that is fart in the cockpit of an airplane and leave the cockpit and close the door

Largo
06-15-2010, 09:07
...or even better than that is fart in the cockpit of an airplane and leave the cockpit and close the door

How do you get past the flight attendants and the security door?

Are you an Air Marshal?

Puddle Dipper
06-16-2010, 07:23
As my ol' Pappy used to say..."it's a better sign of good health than an old dry, hacking cough."

LeeParrish
06-16-2010, 08:30
Looks like whales may even fart: Sperm Whale Farting | Tony Wu's Underwater Photography Blog (http://www.tonywublog.com/20100131/whale-fart.html)