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Doug B
09-01-2007, 21:42
Heard this the other day, thought it was funny.

Why the various branches of the military have a difficult time working together at times...

Take the simple phrase, "Secure That Building", and translate it....

US Marine Corps
Secure That Building = Storm the building, kill everyone inside, put snipers on all four corners of the roof, defend it 'till the last man.


US Navy
Secure That Building = Turn the lights out and lock the door when you leave.


US Air Force
Secure that Building = Lease or buy the building.

DivingsInMyBlood
09-01-2007, 21:45
I heard this one along time ago but the british military was used instead.

Phestr
09-02-2007, 00:31
This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.

Hollywood703
09-02-2007, 10:37
This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.


it should read like this:
US Coast Guard
Secure That Building = Them asking what a Building is, and how you attach a Mooring line to it

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority...retreat as necessary :)


SEMPER FI

danielh03
09-03-2007, 02:41
This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.


you laugh, but i promise you, its the God's honest truth!

Chris51882
04-24-2009, 22:27
You guys all missed on one more thing...
After the Air Force buys the building, they all go celebrate their new purchase with a round of golf!

divingmedic
04-29-2009, 16:52
You guys all missed on one more thing...
After the Air Force buys the building, they all go celebrate their new purchase with a round of golf!
Maybe where your at. But at my last base was frozen wasteland. Golf is not played much in North Dakota.

JCAT
04-29-2009, 17:36
A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 fighter pilot flew up next to him.

The F-16 jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!" The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes, and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the back, went to the head, then got a cup of coffee and a sweet roll."

neogeo
04-29-2009, 17:57
A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...
1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
(Paul Rodriguez)
2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
(Army's magazine of preventive maintenance ).
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)
4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
(U.S. Marine Corps)
5. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
(U.S. Air Force)
6. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
(Infantry Journal)
7. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
(US Air Force Manual)
8. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
(Gen. MacArthur)
9. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
(Infantry Journal)
10. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
(Marine Gunnery Sergeant)
11. Tracers work both ways.
(US Army Ordnance)
12. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
(Infantry Journal)
13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
(US Navy Seaman)
14. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
(David Hackworth)
15. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.
(Infantry Journal)
16. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
(Joe Gay)
17. Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
(Admiral Hornblower)
18. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
(Unknown Marine Recruit)
19. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
(Your Buddies)
20. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
(Army Platoon Sergeant)
21. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
(David Hackworth)
22. Your job is to kill the other person before they kill you so that your national leaders can negotiate a peace that will last as long as it takes the ink to dry.
(Drill Instructor) 23. In the Navy, the Chief is always right.
(Written on the door into the Chiefs quarters)

navyhmc
04-29-2009, 18:11
A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...
13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything.
(US Navy Seaman)

Navy = Never Again Volunteer Youself



23. In the Navy, the Chief is always right.
(Written on the door into the Chiefs quarters)

Absolutely and Totally Gall Dang Rgiht!!!!! :smilie39:

JCAT
04-29-2009, 18:14
21. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
(David Hackworth)

Hack has always been a personal hero to me (Someone I admired greatly) A soldiers soldier to say the least, he told it like it was.

His wisdom is missed.

For all that wear or have worn the uniform, Hack's book "About Face" is a must read.

sapperw5
04-29-2009, 19:53
This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.


why does the army always haveso many steps to do somthing so simple? gotta love it. hurry up and wait!

JCAT
04-30-2009, 14:03
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

Talking Dog for Sale

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ... The United States Marine Corps... You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs."

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger.

So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that crap. He was in the Navy!"

Flatliner
04-30-2009, 17:54
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...

JCAT
04-30-2009, 20:30
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...


You would be correct. Actually, there are 40mm shotgun rounds for the M79 and M203 as well. The M18 claymore is kinda like a shotgun too, in function. :smiley36:

I should say "when the M79 was in service", it had shotgun rounds. The last one I saw was at Ft. Benning in 1992

bennerman
04-30-2009, 20:44
Ah, the M203
"Say hello to my little friend!"

fire diver
04-30-2009, 20:46
Even the M203 is on the way out. The Army already has a replacement.

divingmedic
05-01-2009, 14:52
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...


You would be correct. Actually, there are 40mm shotgun rounds for the M79 and M203 as well. The M18 claymore is kinda like a shotgun too, in function. :smiley36:

I should say "when the M79 was in service", it had shotgun rounds. The last one I saw was at Ft. Benning in 1992


I was probably one of the few medics in the USAF that was qualified on the M79 and the M-60.

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 15:00
I had M-79, M-60, M-2, 12 ga, .38 rev, .45 ACP, M-204G, M-14, M-16, M-4, M-249 and Was crew qual'd on the 8" SP and 105mm Towed.

And I too was the corpsman!

"Peace through superior firepower! not just pretty words.

bennerman
05-01-2009, 15:21
Frankly, I trust Canadian built arms better than international ones, with the exception of the AK-47 and its derivatives

BuzzF117
05-01-2009, 15:35
Frankly, I trust Canadian built arms better than international ones, with the exception of the AK-47 and its derivatives

your 15 yrs old how would you know this personally only thing you should trust from Canada is hockey and beer

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 15:49
Frankly, I trust Canadian built arms better than international ones, with the exception of the AK-47 and its derivatives

What are these Canadian built arms? The only one I am initmately familiar with is the Canadian built 9mm High Power. I will limit the question to military arms.

bennerman
05-01-2009, 16:03
Frankly, I trust Canadian built arms better than international ones, with the exception of the AK-47 and its derivatives

What are these Canadian built arms? The only one I am initmately familiar with is the Canadian built 9mm High Power. I will limit the question to military arms.

Aha, but I didn't say military arms, now did I?

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 16:13
No, however since the subject was the military, you mentioned the AK-47 and the previous posts were discussions of various military weapon systems, that lends itself to that topic. But, since you don't wish to put it to militry firearms, what are these canadian built arms you speak of? How will they compare to the SEKA, The Champlain, The Wichita or the Weatherby for rifles? Or the Browning, Beretta, or Remington for shotguns? Browning, Glock Springfield, Wembly, Colt for pistols?

bennerman
05-01-2009, 16:14
Hmm, are we counting firearms that were invented in another country but manufactured in this one?

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 16:28
No, you stated: "I trust Canadian built arms better than international ones, with the exception of the AK-47 and its derivatives" So what are these arms? Please list.

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 16:30
One can argue that 95% of all bolt actions are built on the resoundingly robust and well designed Mauser 98. So go with built.

bennerman
05-01-2009, 16:37
Well for one, we invented the first high capacity magazine for the 1911. There is also our service rifle the C-14 Timberwolf. I guess thats about it. We also have the C7, based on the M16, which is now used by about 10 different militaries around the world. Just to name a few

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 16:44
ummmm....okay? The C-14 is patterened after the Lapua .338. While I will agree it is a good rifle shooting a good round, what makes it the more superior weapon?

The M-16 is tried and true design with the matty being used by a total of 47 countries. And what makes the C-7 superior to say the Belgian made M-16 a Colt made M-16 or M-4? Or a HK version with a rhino gas system vs. the Stoner?

bennerman
05-01-2009, 16:47
I just like canadian built better, ok? Call it loyal, call it stupid, frankly, I don't care. Its who I am.

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 16:55
Okay. You made a statement, I was wondering what your criteria was for your statement.

bennerman
05-01-2009, 16:56
fair enough.

JCAT
05-01-2009, 17:12
You May Be a Taliban, If ...
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

fire diver
05-01-2009, 17:56
JCAT, that's too funny and true!

fire diver
05-01-2009, 17:57
Navy, I'm proud and impressed that you know of the Champlin firearms. Handcrafted right here in Enid, OK!

You have quite a knowledge of firearms!

Edit, I just found this on thier website....

http://www.champlinarms.com/portals/0/gunphotos/ALiberalPistola.jpg

navyhmc
05-01-2009, 19:13
Navy, I'm proud and impressed that you know of the Champlin firearms. Handcrafted right here in Enid, OK!

You have quite a knowledge of firearms!

Edit, I just found this on thier website....

http://www.champlinarms.com/portals/0/gunphotos/ALiberalPistola.jpg

Expensive rifles to be sure-but worth every penny! And if I recall correctly, that gun actually fires.

Theepdinker
05-01-2009, 22:19
Navy, I'm proud and impressed that you know of the Champlin firearms. Handcrafted right here in Enid, OK!

You have quite a knowledge of firearms!

Edit, I just found this on thier website....

http://www.champlinarms.com/portals/0/gunphotos/ALiberalPistola.jpg

Expensive rifles to be sure-but worth every penny! And if I recall correctly, that gun actually fires.
Yes it does.
Also comes with a 100 lifetime warranty.:smilie39:

DK

JCAT
05-02-2009, 05:43
Reaction to Snakes
• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
• 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
• MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.
• JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.
• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

fire diver
05-02-2009, 09:34
Where do you get these from JCAT? Funny and correct!

CPTOZZY
05-02-2009, 10:44
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...

The Claymore is "Front Toward Enemy"

BSea
05-02-2009, 11:07
A sergeant was instructing his men in the proper use of fighting with a bayonet on the end of the rifle. He tells them “There is a possibility that the bayonet can become lodged between the ribs of your enemy. In that event just pull the trigger, and the bullet will cause enough damage to release the bayonet.....”

A private raises his hand, and the sergeant asks the private to state his question.

The private says. “I don't have a question, I'm just saying, if I still got bullets, there won't be any bayonet fighting.”

fire diver
05-02-2009, 12:49
Sounds like a case of a REMF teaching combat.

JCAT
05-02-2009, 15:02
http://forum.scubatoys.com/gallery/files/6/7/6/dsc00046.jpg

neogeo
05-02-2009, 16:54
My favorite weapons were the big ones... I loved firing the Barrett .50 cal and the Javelin

navyhmc
05-02-2009, 22:06
My favorite weapon was the radio. One call and i could get a helluva a lot of ordanance headed my way. The only fun is when you are the IP and the bombs drop before they are over your position. I love fast movers!

Of note: 500 lb dumb bombs hurt when you're only 600 yds away!

JCAT
05-03-2009, 06:22
5 MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE ARMY

1. A Private saying, "I learned this in Basic..."
2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based upon my experience..."
4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
5. A Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this sh*t..."

Desert_Diver
05-03-2009, 11:34
Most dangerous thing in the military:

New second lieutenant with a map and compass.

Tully Mars
05-03-2009, 13:15
Of note: 500 lb dumb bombs hurt when you're only 600 yds away!

I call BS. I've been within a few feet of a bunch of 500lb'ers and never felt a thing.

Oh wait, you mean when they go off. Oh, different story wouldn't know anything about that.

hooligan
05-03-2009, 20:22
http://forum.scubatoys.com/gallery/files/4/0/3/9/legendarythread.jpg

FoxHound
05-03-2009, 20:45
Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations (http://miljokes.com/murphys.htm)

murphys laws of combat operations :D
the rules of the rucksack are so true!!!

fire diver
05-03-2009, 21:15
Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations (http://miljokes.com/murphys.htm)

murphys laws of combat operations :D
the rules of the rucksack are so true!!!

It has some good lines, but too many are repeats or inaccurate versions of the established quotes.

Tully Mars
05-03-2009, 21:26
Very true...

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

FoxHound
05-03-2009, 22:15
can always check out the actual murphys laws website, miljokes just has some funny stuff on, i think most of miljokes is user submitted anyway?

But admit it Fire Diver, some of em put a smile on your face lol

nrembis
05-04-2009, 11:16
My favorite weapons were the big ones... I loved firing the Barrett .50 cal and the Javelin

I never fired the barrett or the javelin, but as an MP I got plenty of time on the 240B, 249SAW, M2 and Mark19 with a bit of AT4 use, my weapon of choice was the Mk19

navyhmc
05-04-2009, 12:45
I have a warm spot in my heart for the MK-19. As long as I don't have to carry it! I shot it a number of times, never got fully qual'd though.

divingmedic
05-04-2009, 12:46
I had M-79, M-60, M-2, 12 ga, .38 rev, .45 ACP, M-204G, M-14, M-16, M-4, M-249 and Was crew qual'd on the 8" SP and 105mm Towed.

And I too was the corpsman!

"Peace through superior firepower! not just pretty words.


See a navy corpsman is different than an USAF medic (other than PJ's). Y'all have to support the Marines.

TommyB
05-04-2009, 13:15
Part of the issues are the Oath on Enlistment

Recruitment
---------------------------------------

AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

____________________
Signature

____________________
Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

____________________
Signature

_____________________
Date



US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

______________________
Signature

______________________
Date


US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (make up a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blow up....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors' wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....
grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"


X____________________Thumb Print
X____________________Teeth Marks

And After the oaths are taken:

You forgot what happens after the oath:

Bootcamp Standards
In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following standards for recruit training of all services:

HAIRCUTS:

Marines - heads will be shaved.
Army - flat tops for all recruits.
Navy - no haircut standard.
Air Force - complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

TRAINING HOURS:

Marines - reveille at 0500, train until 2000.
Army - reveille at 0600, train until 1900.
Navy - rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch till 1300, train until 1600.
Air Force - rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.

MEALS:

Marines - Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Army - one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
Navy - 3 hot meals.
Air Force - catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.

LEAVE and LIBERTY:

Marines - none.
Army - 4 hours a week.
Navy - 2 days a week.
Air Force - for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

PROTOCOL:

Marines - will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).

Army - will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."

Navy - will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.

Air Force - all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.

DECORATIONS/AWARDS:

Marines - medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.

Army - medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.

Navy - will have ships' engineers make medals for them as needed.

Air Force - will be issued all medals since they will most likely be awarded them at some point in their careers.

CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:

Marines - work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.

Army - will wear it anytime, anywhere.

Navy - will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to their sailors.

Air Force - will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue service chevrons, name tapes, and patches on them.

CAREER FIELDS:

Marines - All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.

Army - It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in the first enlistment anyway.

Navy - Nobody knows. The Navy is still trying to figure out what sailors in the ABH, SMC, BNC and BSN rates do anyway

Air Force - Every recruit will be trained in such a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.
_________________
__________________

divingmedic
05-04-2009, 15:50
Part of the issues are the Oath on Enlistment

Recruitment
---------------------------------------

AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

____________________
Signature

____________________
Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

____________________
Signature

_____________________
Date



US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

______________________
Signature

______________________
Date


US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (make up a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blow up....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors' wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....
grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"


X____________________Thumb Print
X____________________Teeth Marks

And After the oaths are taken:

You forgot what happens after the oath:

Bootcamp Standards
In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following standards for recruit training of all services:

HAIRCUTS:

Marines - heads will be shaved.
Army - flat tops for all recruits.
Navy - no haircut standard.
Air Force - complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

TRAINING HOURS:

Marines - reveille at 0500, train until 2000.
Army - reveille at 0600, train until 1900.
Navy - rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch till 1300, train until 1600.
Air Force - rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.

MEALS:

Marines - Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Army - one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
Navy - 3 hot meals.
Air Force - catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.

LEAVE and LIBERTY:

Marines - none.
Army - 4 hours a week.
Navy - 2 days a week.
Air Force - for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

PROTOCOL:

Marines - will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).

Army - will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."

Navy - will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.

Air Force - all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.

DECORATIONS/AWARDS:

Marines - medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.

Army - medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.

Navy - will have ships' engineers make medals for them as needed.

Air Force - will be issued all medals since they will most likely be awarded them at some point in their careers.

CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:

Marines - work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.

Army - will wear it anytime, anywhere.

Navy - will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to their sailors.

Air Force - will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue service chevrons, name tapes, and patches on them.

CAREER FIELDS:

Marines - All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.

Army - It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in the first enlistment anyway.

Navy - Nobody knows. The Navy is still trying to figure out what sailors in the ABH, SMC, BNC and BSN rates do anyway

Air Force - Every recruit will be trained in such a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.
_________________
__________________
Funny, but sad also because most of it is true. Even though I have been out for well over 20 years now.

bennerman
05-04-2009, 16:45
Royal Canadian Armed Forces (Any Branch) Oath:
Oh I there, I (insert name here, eh?) do hereby pledge alligeance to the queen dere, yah? And to aid the American forces by givin' dere airforce pilots some donuts, yah?
So help me God.

Its aboot darn time, eh?

fire diver
05-05-2009, 11:56
TommyB, I've never seen the services explained so truthfully and simply before!

Recon
05-05-2009, 12:59
First I have to chuckle very very very hard at the oaths of enlistment, cause they are basicly... true. Second I have to chuckle at the Air Force items listed as my best friend is a former air force fighter pilot .... and well, he constantly reminding me how hard his OCS was, for the first 2 weeks, they took away his mini-fridge full of beer and pogi bait. With that being laughed at for a few minutes... I just have 1 thing to say, Rangers Lead The Way.

~Recon

JCAT
05-05-2009, 13:08
pogi bait

AHA!!!

A kindred spirit!! Have not heard that word in a while, thought it went out of style like "dirty, nasty leg"

Recon
05-05-2009, 13:16
I have been out for 10 years lol, so I am an older (not old yet darn it) army guy. Truthfully I miss it sometimes, but there are times that I sit back and think, would this event be any better if bullets were flying at / over / around me.... answer... no. So I like my relaxed fat civilian lifestyle now, not some much the fat part, but the relaxed part yep.

~Recon

Desert_Diver
05-05-2009, 14:21
pogi bait

AHA!!!

A kindred spirit!! Have not heard that word in a while, thought it went out of style like "dirty, nasty leg"

I thought that was "Candy Assed Leg"?

BubblesMcCoy
05-05-2009, 15:56
pogi bait

AHA!!!

A kindred spirit!! Have not heard that word in a while, thought it went out of style like "dirty, nasty leg"


It was still a fairly common term when I got out about 5 years ago. Didn't understand the term now anymore than I did then. Yes, I know what it's referring to, but what the heck is a "pogi".

Tully Mars
05-05-2009, 16:08
pogi bait

AHA!!!

A kindred spirit!! Have not heard that word in a while, thought it went out of style like "dirty, nasty leg"


It was still a fairly common term when I got out about 5 years ago. Didn't understand the term now anymore than I did then. Yes, I know what it's referring to, but what the heck is a "pogi".

"Pogi" is slang for hooker in Chinese.

BubblesMcCoy
05-05-2009, 16:13
[quote=JCAT;295374]
It was still a fairly common term when I got out about 5 years ago. Didn't understand the term now anymore than I did then. Yes, I know what it's referring to, but what the heck is a "pogi".

"Pogi" is slang for hooker in Chinese.


Makes perfect sense now. Eight years of "pogi" references now making sense. LMAO.

JCAT
05-05-2009, 16:19
<Chuckle>

I'm not sure where the term came from, I actually think it's spelled Poagi. It was being used as early as 1983 at Benning's school for wayward boys.

My understanding has always been, if you can hump (means a rucksack on your back) it, it being candy, crackers, store bought snacks, chips, then it was ok to have it.

If you pulled out some candy, chips at a security halt/whatever, someone was sure to ask you for some. Cause they were too lazy to hump their own and were considered Poags, hence the word Poagi Bait.

Dirty, nasty, rotten Leg is slang for anyone who did not graduate from the basic airborne course at Benning.

cheers,

fire diver
05-05-2009, 17:31
Wow, I can't believe you guys don't know the history of the term. The base word is Pogue. I can't tell you the real meaning of the word, but it's use in the army goes back to at least WWII. The soldiers who worked in the the rear, such as cooks, mechanics, clerks, supply were "pogues". When you needed something extra or special from the pogue you bribed them with "pogey" bait, which was anything hard to come by in the field such as sweets.

BubblesMcCoy
05-05-2009, 17:38
Wow, I can't believe you guys don't know the history of the term. The base word is Pogue. I can't tell you the real meaning of the word, but it's use in the army goes back to at least WWII. The soldiers who worked in the the rear, such as cooks, mechanics, clerks, supply were "pogues". When you needed something extra or special from the pogue you bribed them with "pogi" bait, which was anything hard to come by in the field such as sweets.


In the "for what it's worth" department, wikipedia describes the term as:

Pogue is an offensive military slang term used to describe non-infantry, non-combat soldiers, staff, and other rear-echelon or support units.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogue#cite_note-0) It has been used in the United States Navy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Navy) and Marine Corps (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Marine_Corps) since before World War II, entering Army (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army) usage around the time of the Vietnam War (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietnam_War).[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogue#cite_note-zimmer-1) A related term is the acronym REMF, or "rear-echelon mother fu%&er".

The term may be derived from a Tagalog (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tagalog_language) word meaning "prostitute". Originally, the term was a sexual insult, as "pogue" was slang for a young male who submitted to sexual advances.[citation needed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed)] This led to the related term "pogey bait", meaning candy or sweets.

Another source to which the term is attributed is the Gaelic phrase "póg mo thóin" pronounced [pog muh hon] (literally 'kiss my arse'), applied to sycophants, suck-ups and others engaging in behaviors or practices commonly viewed by their peers to be beneath the expected degree of military bearing.

Due to having lost contact with its linguistic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistics) source, the modern military vernacular has turned "pogue" into a retronym (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retronym)/backronym (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backronym). "Pogue" is now described as the pronunciation of the acronym POG, or Person Other than Grunt, or Posted On Garrison.[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogue#cite_note-zimmer-1)

This term has generally been replaced by the word Fobbit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fobbit) which refers to non-combat arms soldiers who never leave their Forward Operating Base (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forward_Operating_Base).
Pogue is also a derogatory term for an Irish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_people) person. In the Irish language (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_language), pogue (spelt póg) means "kiss". Perhaps the most well-known phrase in Irish is "póg mo thóin", which means "kiss my ass." The term pogue is not usually considered very offensive.

Recon
05-05-2009, 18:51
OMG learning the history behind a word that I have used so much in the past... makes me sad that I didn't know how good of an insult it was DOH! lol on the brighter side of things, I am old school army, been out for a little over 10 years, knowning what a "wall-to-wall" counciling is (got quite a few of those from the 1sgt in my lower enlisted days). And let me set the record straight a little, I know that the boys up front need the guys "in the rear with the gear" but do they have to be so darn proud of the fact that they get to sleep on a cot and eat hot food when it is hot, or cold food when it is cold??? whilest the rest of us sleep in the sand / HMMVW, and eat MREs freaking REMFs ..... Side note, anyone else prior service like the older MREs (dark brown bags) over the new MREs (light tan bags)? I love the old school ones, ChiliMac with the pound cake and about 3 canteens full of warm water from the bufalo mmmm nom nom nom nom.

~Recon

Tully Mars
05-05-2009, 18:54
Also in the FWIW catagory...

From Urban Dictionary...



The Marines in China before WW II were issued candy (Baby Ruths, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) as part of their their ration supplements. At the time, sugar and other assorted sweets were rare commodities in China and much in demand by the Chinese, so the troops found the candy useful for barter in town.

The Chinese word for prostitute, roughly translated, is "pogey". Thus, Marines being Marines, candy became "Pogey Bait".

Tully Mars
05-05-2009, 19:00
OMG learning the history behind a word that I have used so much in the past... makes me sad that I didn't know how good of an insult it was DOH! lol on the brighter side of things, I am old school army, been out for a little over 10 years, knowning what a "wall-to-wall" counciling is (got quite a few of those from the 1sgt in my lower enlisted days). And let me set the record straight a little, I know that the boys up front need the guys "in the rear with the gear" but do they have to be so darn proud of the fact that they get to sleep on a cot and eat hot food when it is hot, or cold food when it is cold??? whilest the rest of us sleep in the sand / HMMVW, and eat MREs freaking REMFs ..... Side note, anyone else prior service like the older MREs (dark brown bags) over the new MREs (light tan bags)? I love the old school ones, ChiliMac with the pound cake and about 3 canteens full of warm water from the bufalo mmmm nom nom nom nom.

~Recon

Brown bag? How about the green boxes with gray cans that required a P38 to open?

BubblesMcCoy
05-05-2009, 19:35
OMG learning the history behind a word that I have used so much in the past... makes me sad that I didn't know how good of an insult it was DOH! lol on the brighter side of things, I am old school army, been out for a little over 10 years, knowning what a "wall-to-wall" counciling is (got quite a few of those from the 1sgt in my lower enlisted days). And let me set the record straight a little, I know that the boys up front need the guys "in the rear with the gear" but do they have to be so darn proud of the fact that they get to sleep on a cot and eat hot food when it is hot, or cold food when it is cold??? whilest the rest of us sleep in the sand / HMMVW, and eat MREs freaking REMFs ..... Side note, anyone else prior service like the older MREs (dark brown bags) over the new MREs (light tan bags)? I love the old school ones, ChiliMac with the pound cake and about 3 canteens full of warm water from the bufalo mmmm nom nom nom nom.

~Recon


Chilli mac and pound cake. It doesn't get better than that. Although the cheese tortelini was a close second.

JCAT
05-05-2009, 20:36
oh my goodness! I'm with Recon. I spent 14 years as a grunt (11C) and never knew the real meaning was. I knew it was derogatory. We often used it for guys who would not carry their own weight. Wow! I never actually gave it much thought before tonight.

Random thoughts---

I've been on both sides of the MOS fence, grunt and the last 10 years as a super-geek techno weenie. Both have their fair share of BS, just different. Someone asked me when I retired last month if I would have done anything different. I said Yep! Would have stayed a grunt, it was easier. Their jaws hit the floor.

I started out with C-Rats (P38 on my dogtags) and 1/4 ton jeeps. Then came K-Rats and Hummers. My last trip to the sandbox, the only thing I could tolerate was the Thai Chicken. I hope I never, ever, see another MRE.

fire diver
05-05-2009, 20:41
LOL Mortar maggot! J/k

navyhmc
05-05-2009, 21:41
I still have a p-38 on my tags. Here's a trivia quiz for you: Why is it called a "P-38"?

C-rats, my favorite was spaghettis w/meat chunks. came with pears, cinnamon roll and John Wayne bars. Never liked the gorrila bars though.

Warmed up, the meat w/spiced chunks was good. Never ever got through a can of beans and MF's.

Some of the MRE's weren't too bad, the first series were the worst-especially the dehydrated beef or pork.:anim_puke:

Tully Mars
05-05-2009, 21:50
I still have a p-38 on my tags. Here's a trivia quiz for you: Why is it called a "P-38"?

C-rats, my favorite was spaghettis w/meat chunks. came with pears, cinnamon roll and John Wayne bars. Never liked the gorrila bars though.

Warmed up, the meat w/spiced chunks was good. Never ever got through a can of beans and MF's.

Some of the MRE's weren't too bad, the first series were the worst-especially the dehydrated beef or pork.:anim_puke:

I was always told because it takes 38 pokes to open a can with a P38.

fire diver
05-05-2009, 22:49
Some of the MRE's weren't too bad, the first series were the worst-especially the dehydrated beef or pork.:anim_puke:

LOL, used to have fun with the newbies over those. After complaining of stomach aches from the dehydrated patties, we would tell them they werent eating enough and give them more dehydrated patties to eat.

I wish they still had the dehydrated fruit though. That stuff was awesome.

navyhmc
05-05-2009, 22:57
I wish they still had the dehydrated fruit though. That stuff was awesome.

Ooooh Yeah! the dehydrated strawberrys + 2 packs of creamer + one sugar + two lids of water= Strawberries and cream!

And I guess you never did the "Well you need to eat 3-4 apple sauces to get over that..." did you? :smilie39:

BubblesMcCoy
05-05-2009, 23:00
Yes, all this is great. But, the single best part of the MRE was the heater. Nothing says "we're here to help" like an MRE bomb thrown at a bunch of locals hanging around the fence line.

fire diver
05-05-2009, 23:20
MRE bombs were too easy to get introuble from, MRE pepper spray was awesome in enclosed spaces!

nrembis
05-05-2009, 23:47
MRE bombs were too easy to get introuble from, MRE pepper spray was awesome in enclosed spaces!

Hence why IET Soldiers are not allowed to heat there MRE up, Drill Sergeants are instructed to take the heaters and the tobasco sauce.

They want to make sure there are no late night bombs during fire guard, LOL

Tully Mars
05-06-2009, 00:04
I once held up a can of beanie weenies and pretended to read the bottom, then proclaimed "Not fit for human consumption." Never saw so many newbs spit out their lunch.

Recon
05-06-2009, 00:36
the dehydrated fruit was the best when humping for sure. However, ranger pudding (hot coco packet with a dash of water) was GREAT, coffee grind dips kept you awake for hours (then a grain of real dip in your non-firing eye kept you awake for another 18+ if needed). I still have my p38, makes a great flat head screw driver :) . one of the things that I miss the most... my noggs... civilian noggs just don't cut it unless you spend a TON of money on them. Quick vote... Worst MRE meal ever... my vote = 4 fingers of death, the so called sausages ... straight barf material, that will make you yack faster then the tilt-a-whirl after 3 full kettels in korea (you boys know what i mean .. sojiw *spelling* and koolaid). MRE heater bombs with the hot sauce and a water bottle... great stuff, we took a full squads worth of heaters, put them in a 20 ounce water bottle, and decided that it would be a good idea to throw it at the first HMMVW to come through the check point... cracked the wind sheild (before they were made bullet "resistant"), turned out to be the battilion COs convoy lead vechile.. .thank god the SFC in there had a sense of humor, this was also quite a few years ago though LOL, i think i was a PFC at the time.... LOL fun times.

~Recon

navyhmc
05-06-2009, 06:57
There was a version of the 4-fingers a few menus ago. Those were pretty good actually-tasted a lot like 'lil-smokies. Those, I liked. didn't last long, guess it's 'cause I liked 'em

fire diver
05-06-2009, 07:47
Worst MRE is Jambalaya. I have only seen 1 person who liked it.

navyhmc
05-06-2009, 08:15
Worst MRE is Jambalaya. I have only seen 1 person who liked it.

Seeing as I like to cook cajun and creole, I snagged the Jambalaya the first time I saw it. As you said Big mistake!!! durn near puked on the first bite. Never again. I would go hungry before eating that crap. Justin Wilson is turning over in his grave on that one.

BubblesMcCoy
05-06-2009, 09:05
Hawaian chicken was my least favorite. Especially cold. When the pressed chicken piece came out with the congealed fat all over it, you couldn't hardly strip all the crap off it. The corned beef hash would come in a close second. Not sure why it sucked the way it did.

Desert_Diver
05-06-2009, 11:17
MREs? You guys are just kids.

Worst C rat was Ham and Lima Beans. Fit only for target practice.
Best C rat was canned peaches.
You heat them by using the explosive from a Claymore (C-4?).

fire diver
05-06-2009, 11:36
I liked all the C-rats I ate, but I was a kid at the time. My dad used to bring them home from the field and I thought they were about the best thing ever. I guess it's a kid thing, mine love the MREs I bring home.

Heating with C4? Just don't step on it!

JCAT
05-06-2009, 15:17
LOL Mortar maggot! J/k

LOL, No worries, I prefer the title "P*ss Tube Operator"

JCAT
05-06-2009, 15:24
Random thoughts--

Worst C-Rat was the green eggs. I think the B-3 box had the John Wayne bars and cheese which I would try and get.

Jambalaya in the new MREs really sucks, but enough hot sauce and one can eat it.

3 full kettels in korea. Oh my goodness, please don't go there. Everything is fine until you stand up. Too many stories.

bennerman
05-06-2009, 15:28
I heard cooking with C-4 is toxic... Last I checked, the Canadian Military hires professional cooks, so we don't hear much about that up here.

navyhmc
05-06-2009, 15:29
I liked all the C-rats I ate, but I was a kid at the time. My dad used to bring them home from the field and I thought they were about the best thing ever. I guess it's a kid thing, mine love the MREs I bring home.

Heating with C4? Just don't step on it!

Desert, you didn't read all of the posts:


I still have a p-38 on my tags. Here's a trivia quiz for you: Why is it called a "P-38"?

C-rats, my favorite was spaghettis w/meat chunks. came with pears, cinnamon roll and John Wayne bars. Never liked the gorrila bars though.

Warmed up, the meat w/spiced chunks was good. Never ever got through a can of beans and MF's.

Some of the MRE's weren't too bad, the first series were the worst-especially the dehydrated beef or pork.:anim_puke: :smiley36:


I had more than my share of c-rats. Other than a few that have been mentioned, they were better. Did see a guy drop a can on some burning C-4. Fun times! :smilie39: And you never said the word "peaches", you might get shot by your own friends for ******* ( I will only say it once lest I get shot, even today. :smiley36: )

MConnelly2
05-07-2009, 18:57
OMG learning the history behind a word that I have used so much in the past... makes me sad that I didn't know how good of an insult it was DOH! lol on the brighter side of things, I am old school army, been out for a little over 10 years, knowning what a "wall-to-wall" counciling is (got quite a few of those from the 1sgt in my lower enlisted days). And let me set the record straight a little, I know that the boys up front need the guys "in the rear with the gear" but do they have to be so darn proud of the fact that they get to sleep on a cot and eat hot food when it is hot, or cold food when it is cold??? whilest the rest of us sleep in the sand / HMMVW, and eat MREs freaking REMFs ..... Side note, anyone else prior service like the older MREs (dark brown bags) over the new MREs (light tan bags)? I love the old school ones, ChiliMac with the pound cake and about 3 canteens full of warm water from the bufalo mmmm nom nom nom nom.

~Recon


Mmmm....Chocolate Mint Poundcake...and an MRE bomb in the engine space so the Engineer would [email protected] his pants, just for good measure..





Chilli mac and pound cake. It doesn't get better than that. Although the cheese tortelini was a close second.

fire diver
05-07-2009, 19:13
The new MRE's are definately better than the old ones. Only problem now is that they change the dang menus every year. What was good this deployment probably won't be around on the next one. Plus, they don't give you tobasco anymore. How the hell am I supposed to eat an MRE without tobasco?!

Pound cakes are always good, Jap cheese with veg crackers always good. "power bars" suck and look like turds and taste like em too. NOthing with rice is ever good, and the mashed potatoes are like wet paper. Most everything else is edible.

Tully Mars
05-07-2009, 19:54
Ditto on the power bars... though I've never tasted a turd I feel like I have after eating one of those freaking things.

navyhmc
05-07-2009, 20:46
And HOW drunk were you Fire to know what a turd tastes like??? :smiley36:

Those are right up there with Omolet, ham with cheese-Also know as "Green Eggs and Hams!"

I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Uncle Sam.
I will not eat them in Iraq, I will not eat them on attack,
I will not eat them with Hussien, I will not eat them in the rain,
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I want to go home Uncle Sam!

from Desert Storm. :smiley36:

fire diver
05-07-2009, 21:19
And HOW drunk were you Fire to know what a turd tastes like??? :smiley36:

Those are right up there with Omolet, ham with cheese-Also know as "Green Eggs and Hams!"

I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Uncle Sam.
I will not eat them in Iraq, I will not eat them on attack,
I will not eat them with Hussien, I will not eat them in the rain,
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I want to go home Uncle Sam!

from Desert Storm. :smiley36:

OK, so I don't know what an actual turd tastes like but I would GUESS it's not far from those freaking bars.

That's a great poem, love it!

Daz
05-08-2009, 00:54
I just like canadian built better, ok? Call it loyal, call it stupid, frankly, I don't care. Its who I am.
Hmm, 15, loyal, and stupid? OK you said it.

navyhmc
05-08-2009, 00:57
OK, so I don't know what an actual turd tastes like but I would GUESS it's not far from those freaking bars.

Ditto! But I think the turd might taste better-those things are NASTY!!!:smiley11:

nrembis
05-08-2009, 01:47
I just like canadian built better, ok? Call it loyal, call it stupid, frankly, I don't care. Its who I am.
Hmm, 15, loyal, and stupid? OK you said it.

LOL, go easy on the kid, he is young......NOTHING at all wrong with loyalty or patriotism.......just keep in mind when the S-H-I-T hits the fan patriotism flys right out the window!

robjoubert
05-08-2009, 11:14
(Just changing the tone slightly!!!!) :smilie40:

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma´am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said: "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma´am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tired of trying to start up a conversation, said: "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said: "You know, I hope you don´t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma´am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!" She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said: "Wow, you sure didn´t forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice: "I hope not, it´s only 2130 now."

fire diver
05-08-2009, 12:05
LOL!!!

hooligan
05-11-2009, 00:55
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

bennerman
05-11-2009, 17:16
:smiley32::smilie39::smiley36::smiley32::smiley32: :smilie39:

Doug B
05-11-2009, 21:11
P-38's

I have several of the P-38's in various places around my kitchen at home, and even a few in a drawer at work. There's also a P-51, and I think a P-47. They are larger/smaller in size, if I remember correctly.

I thought they were simply named after the planes......

Is the "38 pokes per can" the reason it's called a P-38?

Doug

navyhmc
05-11-2009, 21:43
P-38's

I have several of the P-38's in various places around my kitchen at home, and even a few in a drawer at work. There's also a P-51, and I think a P-47. They are larger/smaller in size, if I remember correctly.

I thought they were simply named after the planes......

Is the "38 pokes per can" the reason it's called a P-38?

Doug

Give the man a cigar!!!! 38 punctures per can. :smiley20:

BubblesMcCoy
05-12-2009, 14:12
When I enlised all the old timers were lamenting that mine was a "kinder gentler" Army in which Drill Sergeants, or any interested Cadre, could no longer apply soul conditioner (boot treads) to a trainees backside, chest, or teeth. Initially I bought into their yarns until I noticed that those same "tougher than nails" NCO's were making trips to the base doctors as regularly as a bunch of little old ladies.

But yesterday, the following comes across my desk and I've once again begun to think that the army is waltzing its way to political correctness.

fire diver
05-12-2009, 15:05
When I enlised all the old timers were lamenting that mine was a "kinder gentler" Army in which Drill Sergeants, or any interested Cadre, could no longer apply soul conditioner (boot treads) to a trainees backside, chest, or teeth. Initially I bought into their yarns until I noticed that those same "tougher than nails" NCO's were making trips to the base doctors as regularly as a bunch of little old ladies.

But yesterday, the following comes across my desk and I've once again begun to think that the army is waltzing its way to political correctness.

I got that same "form" in my email the other day and laughed my ass off. I have the original PDF file if you want a copy instead of the scanned version.

navyhmc
05-12-2009, 18:14
Takes me back to the days of the "Blue Card" in the Navy. An ill-fated attempt to be a kinder, gentler boot camp. They literally gave the boots these little blue cards to give to their CC ifthey were over stressed or upset.

I had a third class petty officer (male) come up to me during Desert Storm as we were getting casualties and hand me this friggin blue card and say that he was stressed and needed to be released for a few hours to regroup. Call me a mean LPO (Leading Petty Officer), but it took the card tore it up and told him to gets his stressed out arse back to work-I had no one to replace him and we were calling in the other shift to help. I explained that Casualty Receiving (combat ER) is not a place to try to skate when the swamp is flooding.

Truth is that they weren't supposed to have these after boot camp-wonder how many times he pulled this. The next day, I transferred his stressed out butt to work in the psych ward as he would be at home there-Me and the Chief told him so.

BubblesMcCoy
05-12-2009, 18:17
I'd heard stories about "stress" cards in basic. Thought they just were a rumor made up and passed around by basic training recycles that got bounced for one reason or another.

okiediver72
05-25-2009, 03:07
Long and Plagiarized, but funny:
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)
1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.
5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support.
7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.
8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.
10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter (accidently, of course), then works feverishly to save snake's life.
15. Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.) 16. Transport Pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.
17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mi-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.
18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.
19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.
20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.
21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command authority to use nuclear weapons.
23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

bullshark
05-25-2009, 11:45
typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

US SHIP: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

CANADIAN REPLY: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US SHIP: This is the Captain of the US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIAN REPLY: No, I say again, divert YOUR course!

US SHIP: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS NIMITZ. WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW.

CANADIAN REPLY: This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Tully Mars
05-25-2009, 12:08
typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

US SHIP: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

CANADIAN REPLY: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US SHIP: This is the Captain of the US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIAN REPLY: No, I say again, divert YOUR course!

US SHIP: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS NIMITZ. WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW.

CANADIAN REPLY: This is a lighthouse. Your call."

That's an oldie but a goodie. It's highly unlikely true as the USS Nimitz was in operations in the Western Pacific, Indian Ocean and Arabian Gulf in Nov. 1995. It steamed to these destinations from it's then home port of Bremerton, Wa. Unless it did so via the Canadian mainland it would be impossible for it to be off the coast of Newfoundland and headed for a lighthouse.

USS Nimitz Homepage (http://www.nimitz.navy.mil/1990.html)

John Yaskowich
05-25-2009, 12:28
[quote=bullshark;300540]typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.



BUSTED - this is a false Urban Legend, according to Snopes - snopes.com: Lighthouse and Aircraft Carrier (http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp)

BubblesMcCoy
05-25-2009, 12:49
[quote=bullshark;300540]typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.



BUSTED - this is a false Urban Legend, according to Snopes - snopes.com: Lighthouse and Aircraft Carrier (http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp)

Still pretty funny though.

cruzan
05-25-2009, 14:23
[quote=bullshark;300540]typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.



BUSTED - this is a false Urban Legend, according to Snopes - snopes.com: Lighthouse and Aircraft Carrier (http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp)

Still pretty funny though.

... and only really believable if Congress was in charge of the ship at the time.

cummings66
05-25-2009, 14:34
I'm not sure they would have even managed to figure out how to form a single reply. They be debating it as the ship sunk to the bottom, all the while blaming the other side.

JCAT
05-25-2009, 15:04
FM 3-0 Operations Manual for Soldiers (Army People)

l. The world is full of bad people. Mind you, not everyone is bad, but there are enough of them out there that we have to arm ourselves. Over the years, we've done a pretty good job of that. When the bad people scare us or hurt us, we have to whack them. This is hard, because you want to try and whack the bad people where they live and not where we live. Naturally, the bad people don't want to get whacked, and they feel pretty smug because we aren't mean enough to whack all of them at once. So we have to go over where they live and whack them carefully. That's why we have an Army and not just a Navy and an Air Force with trillions of dollars worth of super weapons. We don't get such expensive weapons, because we break them a lot more rapidly. Even worse, the bad people can get close enough that they can whack Soldiers even though they get whacked a lot more.

2. Whacking bad people is dangerous. It's also hard. It's easier and safer to whack the bad people if you do it from the air or the ocean. That's because the bad people can't afford the super weapons that do stuff from there. That's why we have to be nice to the Navy and Air Force; so they will whack bad people with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, sometimes the Navy and Air Force get too enthusiastic at whacking people and they hurt Army Soldiers and other not so bad people that ended up in the wrong place. That's why we have to spend a lot of effort telling them where we are and what we need them to do. We also try to stay out of their way when they are too busy whacking cities and countries and stuff. We also have to do a lot of explaining to civilian bureaucrats about what they need to do to clean up after the bad people get whacked. This is called "unified action" but it's really like going over to the neighbors to apologize for breaking their window.

3. What makes this really hard is sorting out the not so bad people from the bad people. We try to whack the bad guys and miss the good guys. Of course, the not so bad people are all upset that we are over there whacking people. They want us to go back to where we live and leave them alone, unless the bad people are whacking them as well. They tend to go postal unless we help them keep their families alive and well. The best way to do that is to let their politicians and police do it while they stay out of our way. Unfortunately, their politicians and police screw this up a lot so we have to take time out from whacking the bad guys (or tricking the Air Force and Navy into doing that) and help out the not so bad people around us. Even though they don’t like us, sometimes they help us to find the bad people. This also helps us calm down the Air Force guys who would whack everybody at once. This is called "full spectrum operations."

4. Even though we don't get the super weapons that the Air Force and Navy get, we still have a lot of stuff and Soldiers. This is called "combat power." None of this stuff is worth a nickel if somebody isn't in charge. Hopefully they know what they are doing. When they do, it's called leadership and it's really important because most Soldiers just want somebody intelligent to take charge and gel them back home in one piece. Inside the Army, we squabble about which part of the Amy gets the most stuff. After a while, some really important general comes down and tells us to knock it off, because if we don't, the bad people will whack us and even the Air Force or Navy won't be able to bail us out. This is called "combined arms."

5. The Army has a lot of processes that it is still trying to figure out. Don't worry about these things. Just be happy if somebody actually gets you an order that you can understand in time for you to do something about it. If not, at least you can blame the higher headquarters. Most of the time, Soldiers are happy if they get fed, occasionally get-some sleep and a shower and things aren't too SNAFU. Soldiers also tend to be lazy unless they are motivated. This is "Battle Command."

6. Really important generals are Soldiers too. They just get less sleep than the ordinary Soldiers. They have to try and figure out how to straighten out the big mess that all the politicians made. At the same time they have to decide how to whack the bad people and keep the not so bad people from going postal. If they do a good job, they get sent to the Pentagon. You don't want to be one of them. This is called "operational art."

7. Dealing with information is hard. The bad people don't play by the rules and they lie ... a lot. One screw-up on our part and all the not so bad people get all upset because the bad people make a big deal about it. We need to spend a lot of time telling the not so bad people why we are different than the really bad people. Usually they don't get it. Meanwhile the media people are busy trying to uncover the giant government conspiracy that we are supposed to be running. Also every hacker and pedophile out there is trying to screw up our computers and radios. This makes it really hard. Meanwhile the Air Force and Navy are wondering what's wrong, since it's not so hard for them. Once in a while, somebody on our side figures out what we should be doing. This is called "knowledge Management."

Glossary
Bad People: People that need whacking.
Battle Command: Motivating Soldiers with a cigar in your mouth.
Combined Arms: Using all of your combat power at once and surviving it.
Full Spectrum Operations: Careful whacking combined with lots of explaining.
Operational Art: Getting the Air Force or Navy to deal with the bad people before Soldiers have to.
Not so bad people: Anybody in the area of operations that is not a bad person or a Soldier.
SNAFU: A Twentieth Century term for land operations.
Soldier: Individual speaking in expletives and wearing cool-looking digital camouflage that doesn't blend in with anything.
Unified Action: The opposite of SNAFU
Whacking: The redistribution or impairment of biological functions intended to eliminate intercellular cooperation within a sentient organism

BubblesMcCoy
05-25-2009, 18:11
FM 3-0 Operations Manual for Soldiers (Army People)


Glossary
Bad People: People that need whacking.
Battle Command: Motivating Soldiers with a cigar in your mouth.
Combined Arms: Using all of your combat power at once and surviving it.
Full Spectrum Operations: Careful whacking combined with lots of explaining.
Operational Art: Getting the Air Force or Navy to deal with the bad people before Soldiers have to.
Not so bad people: Anybody in the area of operations that is not a bad person or a Soldier.
SNAFU: A Twentieth Century term for land operations.
Soldier: Individual speaking in expletives and wearing cool-looking digital camouflage that doesn't blend in with anything.
Unified Action: The opposite of SNAFU
Whacking: The redistribution or impairment of biological functions intended to eliminate intercellular cooperation within a sentient organism

LMAO:smilie39:

Tully Mars
05-25-2009, 21:48
[quote=bullshark;300540]typical U.S. Navy (I was in the Marines I can't help myelf)


"This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.



BUSTED - this is a false Urban Legend, according to Snopes - snopes.com: Lighthouse and Aircraft Carrier (http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp)

Still pretty funny though.

... and only really believable if Congress was in charge of the ship at the time.

Oh I'd believe it if my last Lt. were the CO. He couldn't find his a$$ with a map, both hands and a GPS.

tfd86
11-06-2009, 19:42
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...


Actually they have "This side toward enemy" I believe.

navyhmc
11-06-2009, 21:02
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)


If I recall correctly, that is on the front of the claymore mine and the M79 is a grenade launcher (looks like a single shot shotgun on steriods)

However, very funny post...


Actually they have "This side toward enemy" I believe.

Claymore says: Front Towards Enemy

The old LAW (Light Anti-Tank Weapon) did say "Aim Towards Enemy"

1. Pull Safety Pin
2. Extend Tube
3. Aim towards enemy
4. Disengage Safety
5. Squeeze Trigger

okiediver72
11-10-2009, 20:38
"Oh I'd believe it if my last Lt. were the CO. He couldn't find his a$$ with a map, both hands and a GPS."

One of the scariest things in the Army, a 2nd Lt. with a compass.

tfd86
11-11-2009, 07:35
Yet he probably had no hard time finding the ROTC room on that oversized campus. Yet he's still a vet , Happy Veteran's day to all.:smiley20::smiley20::smiley32:

chazrich
12-11-2009, 07:47
Most dangerous thing in the military:

New second lieutenant with a map and compass.


Been there, done that, got the t-shirt from North Korea (we got a little too close for comfort). The LT rode in the back with his mouth shut on the way home. :smiley13:

emclean
12-27-2009, 13:15
Most dangerous thing in the military:

New second lieutenant with a map and compass.
give them a map, and an idea. that's going to be a long day.
long ago i ended a 'discussion' between the ptl leader, and ptl Sargent during a land nav. course by humping to the nearest intersection ( a whole 200m) to orientate our map. i might still be out there if i hadn't.

thagar
12-27-2009, 22:15
Can't spell LosT without LT.

fisheater
12-27-2009, 23:21
As a friend of mine (a 2d LT) says, "what's the difference between a PFC and a 2d LT?"



















"The PFC has been promoted."

navyhmc
12-27-2009, 23:59
As a friend of mine (a 2d LT) says, "what's the difference between a PFC and a 2d LT?"



















"The PFC has been promoted."


Twice!!!:smiley36: :smiley36:

thagar
12-28-2009, 09:34
New LTs are scary.

navyhmc
12-28-2009, 09:46
Almost, but not quite as frightening as a 2lt with a map is a 2lt that starts out an op order with: "In my experience..." Sends shivers down my spine!

Not to mention overheard in an ROTC classroom: "Who are you going to listen to? Me, who is ALMOST and officer or the Sergeant Major who is ONLY an enlisted man?!" That was quite literally 30 years ago and I still recall the exchange.

thagar
12-30-2009, 09:57
I hated officers like that. We had a Major who once told one of my soldiers "I would rather give up my commission than pay for an enlisted man's mistake". He ran into a pole with a patrol car at like 5 MPH. That same Major got promoted and became the BN CMDR after I ETSed.

Vercingetorix
12-30-2009, 10:17
When my Marine brother was in the 'Nam ('69), the company got a new brown bar assigned.

The platoon went out on patrol with the LT in the lead, but they were accompanied by an experienced E7. They came to a Y in the trail: the LT wanted to go left, the Sarge said he didn't like the looks of it, so they went right.

A couple patrols later, the LT is leading without the Sergeant. They come to that same Y, and the LT says, "we're going left". About 30 minutes later, the patrol was ambushed. Lost half the patrol in the firefight. A few, including my brother, got out alive.


I hated officers like that. We had a Major who once told one of my soldiers "I would rather give up my commission than pay for an enlisted man's mistake". He ran into a pole with a patrol car at like 5 MPH. That same Major got promoted and became the BN CMDR after I ETSed.Had a case at Carswell AFB almost 30 years ago. A two-striper driving a forklift bumped an aircraft and punctured a small hole in the skin. No big deal, right?

Uh, no. The squadron commander, base commander, and division commander were all fired. Their careers in toilet. As we used to say in SAC: To err is human, to forgive is not SAC policy.

navyhmc
12-30-2009, 14:55
Almost, but not quite as frightening as a 2lt with a map is a 2lt that starts out an op order with: "In my experience..." Sends shivers down my spine!

Not to mention overheard in an ROTC classroom: "Who are you going to listen to? Me, who is ALMOST and officer or the Sergeant Major who is ONLY an enlisted man?!" That was quite literally 30 years ago and I still recall the exchange.


I hated officers like that. We had a Major who once told one of my soldiers "I would rather give up my commission than pay for an enlisted man's mistake". He ran into a pole with a patrol car at like 5 MPH. That same Major got promoted and became the BN CMDR after I ETSed.

Well, he was voted most likely to get fragged by his own troops in peacetime. :smiley36:

I later heard his carreer was on the line after a poorly thought out night move got a jeep run over by a tank while crossing a tank trail in black out.

What really irritated him is we were both in a fundamentals of leadership class and the final was a one question essay: You have just been assigned as a new platoon leader of a unit that is in a combat environment. As you arrive at the outpost, you are met by the platoon sgt who advised you that the platoon is 3 men short, the last ammo received was minimal at best and the unit has little extra ammo at this time. Patrols that are sent out come back with intel that leads them to believe that the outpost is going to be attacked-soon! There is also a man who is under disciplinary actions for assaulting the previous platoon leader. What are your orders and why. Use no more than the attached sheets (10 pages)

I wrote three words for my orders and one sentence for my justification and got an "A" he wrote for the full 2 hours allotted and got a "B".

My answer: Carry on Sgt. Justification: The answer is all that is needed at this time. :smiley36:

bigman241
01-03-2010, 12:21
GUY YOU ARE ALL FUNNY AS HELL.
I want to say thanks to all you guys and gals that have served this nation. Godbless you and good diving. I have a good friend in the army guard. Hope you all had a good holdiday

Scott4Scuba
01-24-2010, 19:09
Glad not everybody forgot about the Army!

While we are using acronyms - the military loves them . . .

U - ncle Y - es
S - am M - y
A - int R - etarded
R - eleased A - ss
M - e S - igned
Y - et U - p

AquaBach
03-01-2010, 07:04
I had M-79, M-60, M-2, 12 ga, .38 rev, .45 ACP, M-204G, M-14, M-16, M-4, M-249 and Was crew qual'd on the 8" SP and 105mm Towed.

And I too was the corpsman!

"Peace through superior firepower! not just pretty words.

I was a Marine, My first Platoon Sgt. taught us;"Always take care of the Corpsman. He's the guy gonna patch up your ass while the shootings still going on."

Semper Fi