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dmdoss
09-02-2007, 23:51
Top ten signs that you have been diving too much this summer.

10) You have to put your total number of dives in scientific notation.
9) You look back at your logbooks and realize you've spent more time at decompression than at uni.
8) You're permanently prune-figured.
7) Your dive log is available on Amazon.com.
6) You have named all the buff bream on your favourite wreck.
5) You worry that your office elevator is ascending too quickly.
4) You've stopped logging your dives because it's easier to just log your surface intervals.
3) Your "time to fly" is measured in months.
2) Your picture appears on fish identification tables.
1) You clear your ears prior to stepping on a down escalator.

mm_dm
09-03-2007, 00:00
Now, THIS is information I can use. Thank God for this site:smiley32:

the gooch
09-03-2007, 00:23
Good stuff. I hear David Letterman reeling those off in my head.

Phestr
09-03-2007, 09:27
5) You worry that your office elevator is ascending too quickly.

Whew, it's not just me, then? :smilie39:

scubafreak
09-03-2007, 21:21
I seriously sometimes open my dive closet when I walk past just to look at my gear. Yes, I know I am not normal my wife has been telling me that for 11 years.

paintsnow
09-04-2007, 00:00
you catch yourself almost peeing in your clothes while walking around or watching tv.

thank god ive never noticed too late...cant just tug at my collar and flush my clothes.

NitroWill
09-04-2007, 01:41
Heres some more borrowed from Scuba Diving Mag

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR DIVE BUDDY HATES YOU

10) He gives you the "wait there" sign and you're still on the boat.

9) The Coast Guard seems very interested in that bag of "talcum powder" your buddy loaned to you for your wetsuit.

8) She "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper.

7) When you give him the out of air sign, he passes you his snorkel.

6) When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off.

5) In an air sharing situation, you reach for your buddy's octopus and a note taped to it reads "out of order".

4) In your photos from the shark diving excursion, your buddy is the one holding the "tastes like chicken" sign with an arrow pointing at you.

3) He writes, "I hate you" on his dive slate.

2) You give him the OK sign and he gives you the finger.

1) He spits on your mask for you, but you haven't taken it off yet.

yankeefan21
09-04-2007, 11:13
2) You give him the OK sign and he gives you the finger.
:smilie39:

dallasdivergirl
09-04-2007, 12:26
5) In an air sharing situation, you reach for your buddy's octopus and a note taped to it reads "out of order"

That is so bad, yet so funny.

danielh03
09-04-2007, 13:06
Heres some more borrowed from Scuba Diving Mag

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR DIVE BUDDY HATES YOU

10) He gives you the "wait there" sign and you're still on the boat.

9) The Coast Guard seems very interested in that bag of "talcum powder" your buddy loaned to you for your wetsuit.

8) She "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper.

7) When you give him the out of air sign, he passes you his snorkel.

6) When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off.

5) In an air sharing situation, you reach for your buddy's octopus and a note taped to it reads "out of order".

4) In your photos from the shark diving excursion, your buddy is the one holding the "tastes like chicken" sign with an arrow pointing at you.

3) He writes, "I hate you" on his dive slate.

2) You give him the OK sign and he gives you the finger.

1) He spits on your mask for you, but you haven't taken it off yet.

How about "taste like Chum"

greyzen
09-04-2007, 13:48
Heres some more borrowed from Scuba Diving Mag

10) He gives you the "wait there" sign and you're still on the boat.

7) When you give him the out of air sign, he passes you his snorkel.

6) When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off.

2) You give him the OK sign and he gives you the finger.




I swear I'm still laughing an hour after I read these... oh my god they are hilarious... :smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

NitroWill
09-04-2007, 14:21
Here's some more...

TOP 10 USES FOR SCUBA GEAR WHEN NOT DIVING

10) Use a lobster snare to grab drinks that are far away.

9) Use chemlights to keep up with your family during a blackout.

8) Weight belts are perfect for keeping the kids in line at home.

7) Attach a rebreather to your car's exhaust system and save the environment!

6) Strap your nitrox tank on the trunk of the car and tell the neighbor kids that its Nitro fuel-injected.

5) Gear up and dive in one of those fountains in the mall that you throw pennies in, and tell people you're a professional treasure hunter.

4) Use your diver down flag to locate your car in parking lots.

3) Attach your fins to ceiling fan blades when not diving. It moves twice as much air and you'll always know where your fins are.

2) Use your safety sausage for locating your wife at the shopping mall during Christmas season.

1) Sit your dry suit in the passenger seat so you can use the car pool lane.



TOP 10 REASONS WHY DIVERS SHOULD NOT TAKE ******

10) It increases your drag.

9) Your wetsuit is already tight enough.

8) Because a guy could really get hurt if he had to drop his weight belt.

7) 1 pill to get you up, 20 pounds of lead to get you down.

6) Two words: fire coral.

5) You could accidentally penetrate a wreck.

4) You would constantly be searching for blowfish.

3) It increases your risk of entanglement.

2) Risk of "inappropriate" contact with the reef.

1) Divers aren't supposed to rise quickly.


TOP TEN THINGS THINGS TO SAY WHEN A RESORT COURSE DIVER IS ON THE DIVE BOAT

10) "You didn't know you had to carry and wash out your buddy's gear?"
Leslie-Anne of Atlanta, Ga.

9) "Don't worry, as soon as we descend through the first 50 feet, we'll be able to see each other again!"
Helen of Orlando, Fla.

8) "Don't worry! Most of the divers make it back to the boat before it leaves."
Bob Granato of New York

7) "Dude, your power inflator battery is way dead. You might want to get a replacement before you hit the water."
Jeff Voight of Arlington, Va.

6) "Glad I'm not using rental gear, I saw them spill a bucket of chum on all the BCs."
Paul Counts of Manchester, Mo.

5) "I own all my gear. I read where a diver died from bacteria breathed from a rental reg."
Allen Wooten of Thomasville, Ga.

4) "What shark repellent do you use?"
John Maughan of England

3) "They told you to do it like that? I'll look for another buddy."
Rafael Laverde of Miami, Fla.

2) "Hey, does your dive computer have internet access?"
Katy Perry of Martinez, Calif.

1) "If anything happens can I have your watch?"
John Maughan of England


My absolute favorite is still:
1) Tell your instructor there's no way you can lift a tank that has 3000 pounds of air in it.
:smiley36:

BuzzF117
09-30-2007, 20:28
Here's some more...


My absolute favorite is still:
1) Tell your instructor there's no way you can lift a tank that has 3000 pounds of air in it.
:smiley36:


OMGosh Im using that one on my kids...


nuf said
Buzz

mdwestgrl
09-30-2007, 20:32
Oh my gosh, these are HILARIOUS!!!!!!! :smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: I need to have a poster made of these!!

scuba Widow
09-30-2007, 20:45
Those are too funny.

caroln
10-01-2007, 16:40
1) Divers aren't supposed to rise quickly.
:smiley36:

:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

diverdad
10-01-2007, 20:37
Man these are funny. My wife and kids are looking at me like lost my mind.

Daved
10-01-2007, 21:45
If you stay up for more than four hours--see your doctor

webwidejosh
10-16-2007, 11:36
If you stay up for more than four hours--see your doctor

What?! The table tells me I have to stay up way longer than 4 hours.

RoadRacer1978
10-16-2007, 11:53
Top ten signs that you have been diving too much this summer.

10) You have to put your total number of dives in scientific notation.
9) You look back at your logbooks and realize you've spent more time at decompression than at uni.
8) You're permanently prune-figured.
7) Your dive log is available on Amazon.com.
6) You have named all the buff bream on your favourite wreck.
5) You worry that your office elevator is ascending too quickly.
4) You've stopped logging your dives because it's easier to just log your surface intervals.
3) Your "time to fly" is measured in months.
2) Your picture appears on fish identification tables.
1) You clear your ears prior to stepping on a down escalator.


#2 cracked me up. :smilie39:

greyzen
10-16-2007, 11:54
god, these still crack me up

divergirl
03-18-2008, 16:33
hilarious!

Bec3231
04-08-2008, 23:14
haha i just died like 80 times reading these

NucMed Man
04-09-2008, 12:24
Thanks alot!:smiley6: Now I can't go diving until the stitches are taken out after splitting a gut from laughing so hard!:smilie39:

mobeeno
04-14-2008, 22:26
What about been abalone hunting to much... when you hold your breath when you see an abalone on your next scubadive.