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Vercingetorix
09-05-2007, 11:38
I know guys are really not allowed to post here, let alone, start a new thread.

But a question has arisen in the Man Laws area which only the denizens of this area might answer. I know some of you lurk there (I smell traces of Eau du Wetsuit and Chanel No 5mm perfumes).

The question: Do you expect your husband, boyfriend, or significant other to read your mind? If so, when you're mad? When you're sad? When you want something from him/her?

Secondly, how well does he/she read your mind?

Lest you believe me to be flippant, I am not. My wife expects me to read her mind or to "know" what needs to be done around the house. This has been a matter of dissention in the Vercingetorix household. In the Men's Area, the requirement that we be able to read our spouses minds is being discussed.

Please discuss the above questions. Thank you for your insight.

Queen
09-05-2007, 12:16
Since you can't seem to stay out of here I'll make a single attempt to answer your question.

Women do not expect others to "read their minds". What we expect is what we give, attention to the subtleties of communication.

Women are by design (nature, nurture, heredity?) fairly intuitive, meaning we read others fairly well. This is not a special ability, it it a byproduct of paying attention to detail (facial expression, body language, subtle changes in tone or inflection in speech,...). Most men simply do not care enough to pay close attention to their partners cues, they prefer the "if you want something then just say it" approach that THEY prefer to use.

Compromise between the two styles of communication would allow for much less misunderstanding.

Osprey
09-05-2007, 12:36
I don't expect anyone to read my mind. My fiance has specifically asked me to tell him when I want or need something. There are times when he knows I am feeling bad and he doesn't know why. Even if it's something he's done, sometimes I tell him (again, no ESP involved) I have to wait until I calm down before I can talk so I can think about what the root of my anger/upset emotion is and how I can explain it to him so that he understands. It's usually just a misunderstanding, or something that's easily resolved. It makes life A WHOLE LOT easier when we're both thinking clearly

Stuspot
09-05-2007, 12:58
I think that making generalizations about any large group of people is something that rarely works well. There is not one stereotypical thing that ALL women think or that ALL men think.

Do I expect Mr. Stu to be able to read my mind? Heavens no. But do I expect him to work with me as a partner to keep our house clean, our yard neat, our bills paid and our lives fun? Yes, I do. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that when the laundry bins are full, it's time to do some washing; when the dishes are piling up it's time to load the dishwasher; when the dog hair gets so thick we can't find our way around, it's time to vacuum.

We are fortunate in our relationship in that we rarely ever get mad at each other. In the unlikely event that one of us does get a bit bent out of shape, we usually find a funny/joking way to bring it up, but we do dicuss it.

When I'm sad or when he's sad, it's fairly obvious and we both make an effort to cheer the other while knowing that some things must simply be grieved for and felt sad over, then one moves on.

I see a lot of the threads in this forum have similar titles and I know I'm new here :smiley1: but I just wanted to say that not ALL women have lots of shoes, love to shop or are a certain stereotypical way.

But, as I believe was concluded on another, similar thread, good communication is the key to a relationship with THIS woman and with most people of either sex and I'm so lucky to have found Mr. Stu, who can and will talk with me about what's on his mind and what's on mine. :smiley1:

I do have to say, though, that the longer we're together, the more we do seem to just "know" what the other wants, be it the last garden tomato or for the other to just clean the bathroom.

dallasdivergirl
09-05-2007, 13:26
I don't expect any one to read my mind, much less a man.

Things that helped while I was married. Hiring some one to come clean every two weeks. I am a horrible house keeper and that stopped some serious tension. We each had our own rooms. Mine was a pit & I kept the door closed. His was an art room for painting, sculpting and the like. If you two have a set list of his/hers chores then do your part (I paid for mine to be done).

Ask her to write it down.

ScubaJenn81
09-05-2007, 14:49
All I want is for my husband to do is acknowledge that I am happy/sad/upset/etc. There is no way for him to know about what until I tell him. You can not expect that kind of thing from people, but if you pay attension to your partner, it is pretty easy to tell if they want you to talk to them, cuddle, or just leave them the heck alone.

YellowfinKunkfish
09-05-2007, 19:35
NO, I do not expect my husband to read my mind, because god forbid I should be expected to read his!! (I really don't want to go in there!)

Seriously, if I want or need something I just ask. He can do it, or say no. But, I've never expected him to mysteriously know what I need or want.

I don't play games, I hate them, and so does he. As long as we tell each other what we want, and what we expect, we get along just fine!!:smiley20:

scuba Widow
09-05-2007, 20:24
I don't except finflippers to read my mind, he just does...and the longer we are together the better he does it.

Cheddarchick
09-05-2007, 20:36
In today's world of equality among the sexes it still seems that at home the girls still do the majority of the house work. I blame it all on my Mother-in-law.....
But once in a awhile we women would love to have you guys just look around and see what needs to be done, then do it without looking for praise....

scuba Widow
09-05-2007, 20:44
In today's world of equality among the sexes it still seems that at home the girls still do the majority of the house work. I blame it all on my Mother-in-law.....
But once in a awhile we women would love to have you guys just look around and see what needs to be done, then do it without looking for praise....


I am lucky he does all the housework at this time, since he was working from home. Now that he is going back into the workfield outside of the home we will go back to sharing the household chores just like we did before.

Vercingetorix
09-05-2007, 21:29
But once in a awhile we women would love to have you guys just look around and see what needs to be done, then do it without looking for praise....You've been talking to my wife, haven't you? She said something to that effect just last night.

divechaplain-sara
09-06-2007, 04:41
Since you can't seem to stay out of here I'll make a single attempt to answer your question.

Women do not expect others to "read their minds". What we expect is what we give, attention to the subtleties of communication.

Women are by design (nature, nurture, heredity?) fairly intuitive, meaning we read others fairly well. This is not a special ability, it it a byproduct of paying attention to detail (facial expression, body language, subtle changes in tone or inflection in speech,...). Most men simply do not care enough to pay close attention to their partners cues, they prefer the "if you want something then just say it" approach that THEY prefer to use.

Compromise between the two styles of communication would allow for much less misunderstanding.

I've got to agree, it isn't that we expect you to read our minds but we do expect you to read body language, etc. We also want you to know us well enough to know when our body language indicates that something isn't quite right. When you do those things, it makes us feel cared for and assures us that we matter to you.

Cheddarchick
09-06-2007, 05:35
Since you can't seem to stay out of here I'll make a single attempt to answer your question.

Women do not expect others to "read their minds". What we expect is what we give, attention to the subtleties of communication.

Women are by design (nature, nurture, heredity?) fairly intuitive, meaning we read others fairly well. This is not a special ability, it it a byproduct of paying attention to detail (facial expression, body language, subtle changes in tone or inflection in speech,...). Most men simply do not care enough to pay close attention to their partners cues, they prefer the "if you want something then just say it" approach that THEY prefer to use.

Compromise between the two styles of communication would allow for much less misunderstanding.

I've got to agree, it isn't that we expect you to read our minds but we do expect you to read body language, etc. We also want you to know us well enough to know when our body language indicates that something isn't quite right. When you do those things, it makes us feel cared for and assures us that we matter to you.

Bingo......

Vercingetorix
09-08-2007, 17:47
Women are by design (nature, nurture, heredity?) fairly intuitive, meaning we read others fairly well. This is not a special ability, it it a byproduct of paying attention to detail (facial expression, body language, subtle changes in tone or inflection in speech,...). Most men simply do not care enough to pay close attention to their partners cues, they prefer the "if you want something then just say it" approach that THEY prefer to use.I must disagree with you here.

We've all heard of "women's intuition". A few years ago, I read the results of a study to determine if this hypothesis was reality. That is, do women pick-up signals better than men?

The results are that women tend to have keener, quicker, observation skills. For instance, the subject might be talking to another person; that person may react to something the subject says or does. The reaction might be nothing more than a briefly raised eyebow or dilation of the pupil. The male subjects missed these clues. Female subjects spotted the reaction, however brief in duration. However, the female subject's observation was more sub-conscious (subliminal) than conscious.

So, it is not, as you mention that men don't care. Rather, I think your initia assertion, "Women are by design (nature, nurture, heredity?)" is closer to the truth. Unless the body language mentioned in diverchaplain-sara's post is obvious and long in duration, it, too, will be missed.

cshel
09-09-2007, 08:36
My honey does read my mind. I really think it's more that we are so much alike. We literally say what the other is thinking... happens several times a day, every day. We've known each other for about 3 years now and it's happened from the very beginning. We've never even had a fight. If there is something we need to talk about, we can talk without the other one getting defensive so it is very easy to get the problem solved. Our past relationships were with petty self-centered fools so the change is very refreshing and we SOOOOOO value each other.

DolphinDreams
09-09-2007, 14:49
I think women in general have better observation skills because we use them more. We are taught that way from childhood, unlike the boys.
however, it's only a generalization. my boyfriend for instance is much more observant than I am. He sees EVERYTHING.

Vercingetorix
09-09-2007, 16:20
My wife an I have finished each others' sentences for years. Or, we'll both observe something, such as a television program, and one will make a comment concerning some obtuse aspect of the event. The other will comment something like "I was JUST thinking that." It's seldom an obvious thought, but some peculiarity.