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View Full Version : Anyone ever fly Qantas?



Charles R
09-07-2007, 15:26
After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

MEL-DC Diver
09-07-2007, 15:36
Yeah, this has been floating around for awhile in various forms. Typically I see it in military maintenance form. Funny though.

By the way, Qantas is due for one. :smiley36:

scubafreak
09-07-2007, 16:35
Its nice to see that people still have a sense of humor in this overly serious and stressed out world we live in.

JugglingMonkeys
09-07-2007, 18:28
I thought Qantas DID have an accident a couple years ago?

Krakenn
09-08-2007, 08:39
LOL Qantas has heaps of accidents failures - It has never had a crash in nearly 75 years service.

I fly it all the time in Australia they are very very good.

lol

You bloody Yanks, you krak me up.

Kraks

Kidder
09-08-2007, 08:40
I lived in Australia for six months flew Quantas 4 or 5 times. This is funny. Leave it to the Aussies. I love Australia!

JugglingMonkeys
09-08-2007, 18:21
LOL Qantas has heaps of accidents failures - It has never had a crash in nearly 75 years service.

I fly it all the time in Australia they are very very good.

lol

You bloody Yanks, you krak me up.

Kraks

check it out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas_fatal_accidents

and
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/stories/s69092.htm

and some of us are australians!

cheers mate!

Black-Gorrilla
09-16-2007, 17:40
oh so good!!

kingfish
09-16-2007, 18:42
While i have only been in a plane a few times i feel safe enough with Qantas.

Not good whats happened over night in Thailand thow :(

Jas.

chinacat46
09-16-2007, 19:00
I'll be flying on Qantas in a few weeks. Wish it was sooner.

JugglingMonkeys
09-16-2007, 19:56
yeah qantas is great

i fly it all the time when in oz.

jo8243
09-18-2007, 06:58
I thought Qantas DID have an accident a couple years ago?


I believe you are correct.

Aussie
09-18-2007, 08:34
Didnt they ran off a runway or something?

Anyway they aussies so their bloody great.

Aussie

jo8243
09-18-2007, 09:45
Didnt they ran off a runway or something?

Anyway they aussies so their bloody great.

Aussie

This may be the incident you're referring to in 1999.
http://archives.tcm.ie/breakingnews/2001/04/25/story10820.asp

jo8243
09-18-2007, 09:46
This guy wasn't very smart......
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/05/29/1054177670171.html

Krakenn
09-18-2007, 23:45
Actually there is a great dive off of Port Villa in Vanuatu on a Qantas seaplane

Kraks