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bigman241
03-06-2011, 21:49
Hey thought I might post my paper I did on the reefs, and ask your thoughts about it before turning it in, also any english majors out there want to proof it for me before I turn it in :smiley20:



Our oceans and the sanctuaries that protect them

Our oceans are our most important resource; they give us the beauty and wonders we see in them and on land, and we must protect them at all cost. With ever growing populations, and increase in use of our oceans we have waged a war on the oceans and they are losing. Scuba divers, fisherman both commercial, and recreational, boaters, cities and many others have done damage to the reefs, fisheries and the ecosystem in the water, members of some of these groups, the state and federal governments and some not for profit groups have spent years protecting her and finding ways to reduce our impact on the ocean’s ecosystem. One of the big ways these groups have protected the ocean is through the formation and protection of sanctuaries, these areas are often off limit or restricted to fishing, diving, boating, and even swimming. Through this paper you will be explained why these sanctuaries are important, what effect if any they have had and the good they have done, as well as some of the issues proponents have with them.

John Pennekamp coral reef state park is a park which has a sanctuary in it that protects and limits how visitors use the park. The park limits the taking of some fish species and shell fish, due to low populations of the spiny lobster found in Florida, lobster hunting is highly restricted to areas not within 300 feet of shore and not on patch reefs, In the source titled “JOHN PENNEKAMP CORAL REEF PARK” we see how the park has protected the coral reef from harvest, damage from boats by implementing no go zones, the other big point was the use of mooring buoys, doing so allows boats be them commercial dive boats, fisherman, or just your every day boat a chance to tie up to the reef but not use an anchor. Since the lowering and raising as well as movement of the anchors damage the corals, lines where fixed into the coral by concert filled anchor points. This allows for a boater to say where they want but not damage the coral. The park has also thought of the visitors and not just the ocean, over the years they have added sites such as the Christ of the abyss statue, which gives divers, and snorkelers a very beautiful and inspiring site to check out and see the marine lift. The statue stand which stand near 9 feet tall is something one will never forget, and as someone who has dived on it, it is truly a site to see.
Over time the park has allowed species of coral, fish, and other animals in the ocean a heaven away from threats from man and our behavior.
Mankind has a way of destroying anything in its way, but also a way of protecting the ecosystem. When coral is hit, smashed, or even touched it can be damaged and die, when this happens this causes a loss of habitat to small creatures in the ocean, when these creatures no longer live here, other fish and species higher on the food chain either day or leave the area. In Coral reef restoration" We see how the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary jumps into action to fix the problem, be it from an impact on coral, or should chemicals or fuel be split into the water. In 1989 when two ships in a month struck areas of the reef, the sanctuary staff sprung into action. The biggest task to stop any further damage of coral, to do this the sanctuary build special 10 ton concrete coral modules to take the place of the broke coral, doing this allowed the reef to repair its self and begin growing to coral on these modules.
Not only has the Florida Keys marine sanctuary protected the ocean and the reef system, but it has also helped better the reef system and gives visitors to the area something to see. Over the years the sanctuary with the help of private and government has sunk a few retired ships to act both as artificial reefs and dive sites. In “Spiegel Grove” we see one of these sites, the Spiegel Grove is a ship that was retired from service and turned over the sanctuary to be sunk as a reef. Doing this came at a great cost, millions had to be spent to clean the ship of any chemicals or fuels which might damage the environment, even more money was spent to bring here from. When the ship was sunk prematurely it landed upside down and was later turned over to her side, this increased the cost of the project. After a hurricane had passed through the area, divers found a unexpected site; the ship had been turned over on her bottom, and was upright as planned to begin with. Since sinking she has become home to many species of coral and fish, including the endangered goliath grouper. The other side to sinking her was the creation of a scuba diving site, which would allow divers to see a full ship, which was sank to give a safe diving site, with limited safety issues with other military ships such as pointes where one might become entangled inside or outside the ship, unexploded ordnance, and chemicals. Creating the dive site opens a window into the world of the ocean and creates a level of interest and concern not shared with those who may not have seen some of what the ocean offers.
While restrictions of fishing and such has cause trouble in commercial areas, over all the creation of these sanctuaries and parks have done nothing but good for the ocean. We have seen the growth of species which in the past where near extinction and saw the waters improved both for our and the ecosystems benefiters





· Florida keys marine sanctuary, . "Coral reef restoration." Florida keys national marine sanctuary. November 19, 2003. Florida keys marine sanctuary, Web. February 25 2011. <http://floridakeys.noaa.gov/mbuoy/welcome.html>.
· Jerry Wilkinson, Jerry. "Keys history." JOHN PENNEKAMP CORAL REEF PARK . . , Web. February 25 2011. <http://www.keyshistory.org/pennekamp.html>.
· Key largo chamber of commerce (2010). spiegel grove. Retrieved 5 March 2011 from key largo chamber of commerce: Key Largo Chamber of Commerce (http://floridakeys.org/spiegelgrove.htm)

Straegen
03-07-2011, 10:54
I will take on the first paragraph.

"Our oceans are our most important resource;" I would not use the word most here. Overly specific and arguable. "Our" also denotes ownership. Probable best use is Earth's oceans.

"they give us the beauty and wonders we see in them and on land, and we must protect them at all cost." Not really sure something can give beauty. The second part of the "and" should read like a sentence without the "and" so your sentence would read "they give us wonders we see in them on land". Improperly built sentence.

", and we must protect them at all cost." Should we protect them at all cost? Another overstated reference.

"With ever growing populations, and increase in use of our oceans we have waged a war on the oceans and they are losing." Vague should reference human populations. Also the ", and" isn't correct. Do not like the use of our/they.

"Scuba divers, fisherman both commercial, and recreational, boaters, cities and many others have done damage to the reefs, fisheries and the ecosystem in the water, members of some of these groups, the state and federal governments and some not for profit groups have spent years protecting her and finding ways to reduce our impact on the ocean’s ecosystem." Too long, too many commas. The her pronoun should not be used in this instance. Fine for stylized writing such as poetry though.

"Through this paper you will be explained why these sanctuaries are important, what effect if any they have had and the good they have done, as well as some of the issues proponents have with them. " Poorly formed sentence, problems with the use of pronouns, verb tense and not sure proponents is correctly used.

The first paragraph should set the premise of the paper and the following paragraphs support it. Each sentence in the first paragraph should be referenced in the following paragraphs to prove them.

gNats
03-07-2011, 11:01
I get paid by the hour or page to edit and proof. Most college level courses require references and citing along with following standards (MLA, Chicago).

Did you reference these manuals if so required?

brojack17
03-07-2011, 13:22
It needs quite a bit of work. The thesis sentence should be an introduction to the paper and not just a statement. The same should be said for the opening paragraph. Tell them what you're going to tell them... tell them... then tell them what you just told them.

Zeagle Eagle
03-07-2011, 23:42
This is the best I could do in 15 minutes. I tried to remove your many run on sentences and your "bubba speak" while leaving your thoughts intact. Anyone else seeing any mistakes and I am sure there are still many please feel free to edit. We need to get Bigman an A.



Our oceans are our most important resource. They provide us with beauty and wonder. We must protect them at all cost. With our population growing rapidly, and increased use of the oceans, we have waged war on the oceans and they are losing. Scuba divers, fishermen and boaters continue to damage our coral reefs. Even our cities with the refuse and pollution they produce damage the reef. Many not for profit groups such as fisheries, state and federal government have spent years trying to protect the ocean by finding ways to reduce their impact on the ocean’s ecosystem. One of the big ways these groups have protected the ocean is through the formation and protection of sanctuaries. These areas are often off limits or restricted areas. No fishing, diving, boating, or swimming is allowed. This paper explains why marine sanctuaries are important and what effect they have had on our ecosystem both pro and con.

John Pennekamp coral reef state park protects and limits how visitors use the park. The park limits the taking of some fish species and shell fish, due to low populations of the spiny lobster found in Florida, lobster hunting is highly restricted to areas not within 300 feet of shore and not on patch reefs. According to “JOHN PENNEKAMP CORAL REEF PARK” we see how the park has protected the coral reef from harvest. No go zones prevent damage from boats. Mooring buoys protect the coral from anchors. Raising and lowering an anchor on coral can break and even destroy it. The park has also thought of the visitors and not just the ocean. Over the years sites have been added, such as the Christ of the Abyss statue, which gives divers, and snorkelers a very beautiful and inspiring site to and see marine life. The statue stands nearly 9 feet tall and is something one will never forget. It is truly a site to see. There are groups that think the Christ statute is a violation of church and state as it is government land. Never the less it is an awe inspiring site. The park has allowed coral, fish, and other animals in the ocean a haven from threats from man.
Mankind has a way of destroying anything in its way, but also a way of protecting the ecosystem. When coral is hit, smashed, or even touched it can be damaged and may die. This causes a loss of habitat to small creatures in the ocean. When these small creatures are eliminated from the ecosystem larger species further up the food chain disappear also. According to, In Coral reef restoration We see how the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary jumps into action to fix problems, whether it is from an impact on coral, or a chemical or fuel spill. In 1989 in one month two ships struck areas of the reef. The sanctuary staff sprang into action. The sanctuary built special 10 ton concrete coral modules to take the place of broken coral, allowing the reef to repair itself by growing new coral on these modules.
Not only has the Florida Keys marine sanctuary protected the ocean and the reef system, but it has also helped better the reef system giving visitors to the area something to see. Over the years the sanctuary, with the help of private enterprise and the state of Florida, has sunk a few retired ships to act both as artificial reefs and dive sites. The USS Spiegel Grove is one of these sites.It was retired from service and turned over to the sanctuary to be sunk as a reef. It was very expensive, costing millions of dollars to clean the ship of any chemicals or fuel which might leech out and damage the environment. It was expensive to transport the ship to the site. When the ship was sunk prematurely it landed upside down and turned over to her side. This increased the cost of the project. Luckily a passing hurricane righted the wreck and it sits on the bottom as originally planned. Since the sinking she has become home to many species of coral and fish, including the endangered goliath grouper. It also created a fantastic scuba diving site. It allows divers to see the entire length of the ship. Care has been taken to insure that the sunken ship is safe for divers. There are no unexploded ordnance or chemicals and few areas to get trapped in. Creating this dive site opens a window into the ocean and creates an interesting dive site. It demonstrates some of what mother ocean has to offer. While restriction of fishing is not popular with commercial fishermen; over all, the creation of these sanctuaries and parks has benefited our ecosystem. Coral species near extinction have recovered and the ocean is a better place for these sanctuaries.

snagel
03-08-2011, 06:04
When is this due? If you still have a couple days, I could have the wife take a look at it. This is right up her alley....she graduated with a Creative Writing Degree and is a writer. If you have already turned it in then I won't bother.

Snagel

Vercingetorix
03-08-2011, 06:43
I'd love to see what Snagel's wife does with this. She's a writer and artist of mild erotica. Trust me, you'd get an A for sure. :) Go to==> http://www.reneegeorgeoriginals.com/

//I used one of her drawings (Frosty Night) as a label for ScubaToys Stout beer. I just checked her web-site. I think I just found my newest label on the homepage; Rest In Peace. I love Renee's work. Awesome.

ScubaToys Larry
03-08-2011, 07:21
Just a thought... but since Big is in school, maybe he should turn in his own work, so his teacher can go over his grammar mistakes with him so he learns to do better next time. Radical concept I know... but thought I'd throw it out there.

bigman241
03-08-2011, 08:34
thanks guys, had to turn it in. I never said I knew how to write LOL

bigman241
03-08-2011, 08:37
I will let you guys know what I got, I got 83% on my last one, anything over 80 and I will be ok with it, I HATE ENGLISH, is there a college hillbilly English class LOL

Straegen
03-08-2011, 08:39
"Business Writing" is a very useful skill and I highly recommend taking as many classes as necessary to get decent at it.

Zeagle Eagle
03-08-2011, 18:06
Just a thought... but since Big is in school, maybe he should turn in his own work, so his teacher can go over his grammar mistakes with him so he learns to do better next time. Radical concept I know... but thought I'd throw it out there.
He will learn better from us ST's forum dudes and dudettes. He can paraphrase.

Zeagle Eagle
03-08-2011, 18:07
I will let you guys know what I got, I got 83% on my last one, anything over 80 and I will be ok with it, I HATE ENGLISH, is there a college hillbilly English class LOL
Not here in Texas, we only teach spanglish, and bubba speak.