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View Full Version : Scuba related Jokes/Pick up lines...got any?



Cichlid
07-16-2007, 21:14
Um, hey, is that an Original Larry Scuba Tool in your BC pocket or are
you just happy to see me? Yeah, I dunno about that one, you guys do
better!

FishFood
07-16-2007, 21:16
Hey Baby, Do you like your "boots" Tall and Hard or Short and Soft? http://www.scubatoys.com/forum/smileys/smiley36.gif

sidneydiver
07-16-2007, 22:35
Hey Baby, I've got a really low SAC.

Lucky(AR)
07-16-2007, 23:20
No fancy pick up lines when i put my plum smugglers on they just go crazy..lol

techgnostic
07-17-2007, 00:03
Perhaps the best of these can be culled for ST bumper stickers.... :p

Cichlid
07-17-2007, 00:09
Scuba Toys: Our toys won't embarrass you at airport security.

techgnostic
07-17-2007, 00:13
Scuba Toys: Our toys won't embarrass you at airport security.
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Nice!!</DIV>
<DIV>Funny and germane.</DIV>

94GTStang
07-17-2007, 00:14
Scuba Toys: Our toys won't embarrass you at airport security.

smileys/smiley36.gif smileys/smiley36.gif

Ah... reminds me of Meet the Fockers


smileys/smiley36.gif

Joew
07-17-2007, 01:18
I don't know any scuba related pick-up lines, at least none that work. I do have a few (bad) jokes, though. Here's one:

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.

94GTStang
07-17-2007, 01:38
I don't know any scuba related pick-up lines, at least none that work. I do have a few (bad) jokes, though. Here's one:



Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.smileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/smiley36.gif

Joew
07-17-2007, 02:06
Wow, people usually don't laugh at that joke. Here's another:

What do you call a dive instructor without a girlfriend?
-Homeless.

przeor
07-17-2007, 03:00
You could always ask if she wants to wrap her lips around your long hose!
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Check out getbentscuba.com for some clever shirts!</DIV>

techgnostic
07-17-2007, 09:04
<DIV>Check out getbentscuba.com for some clever shirts!</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Ah, they are a CafePress setup...CafePress has a brilliant business model. They are just very limited on the style of designs they can produce.</DIV>

jacewindu
07-17-2007, 11:39
god... these are badsmileys/smiley26.gif, lol

Joew
07-17-2007, 15:08
What do you call a lawyer on the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

Foo2
07-17-2007, 15:17
Sorry guys, but I just couldn't resist....
<DIV>Is that a snorkle in your wetsuit, or are you just happy to see me?</DIV>

Cichlid
07-17-2007, 18:37
It's a snorkel.:smiley16: But I'm still happy to see you! :smiley20:

FishFood
07-17-2007, 19:22
It's a snorkel.smileys/smiley19.gif But I'm still happy to see you!smileys/smiley17.gif
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>LOL!</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Im loving the avatar Foo http://www.scubatoys.com/forum/smileys/smiley2.gif</DIV>

ScubaToys Larry
07-17-2007, 19:33
How many Padi Instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

fire diver
07-17-2007, 20:05
-Hey baby, want to come over and check out my 7 foot hose?
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-Ibet I've got the lowest SAC of anyone you've met.</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-Wanna practice some buddy-breathing drills with me?</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-I'm OOA, cause you take my breath away.</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-Divers do it deeper</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-Tech divers do it deeper for longer</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>-Want to see mycrotch-strap?</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>I'll have to think for a bit and come up with some more. Dang I should have each one in it's own thread to boost my count. J/K</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>FD</DIV>

JahJahwarrior
07-17-2007, 20:09
I like my women like I like my wetsuit: new, clean and wrapped around me!

(that one could go many ways, not many are friendly for young eyes :) )

Honey, you shine brighter than my 21 watt HID!

Lose 20 pounds in 20 minutes: go on a short dive with me in a 7mm wetsuit!*

*Weight will be lost at end of dive. I keep the weights.

Eh, that's all I could come up with now. But I'll be trying to think of more tonight for certain.....

Joew
07-17-2007, 20:50
-Hey baby, want to come over and check out my 7 foot hose?
<div> </div>
<div>-I bet I've got the lowest SAC of anyone you've met.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>-Wanna practice some buddy-breathing drills with me?</div>
<div> </div>
<div>-I'm OOA, cause you take my breath away.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>-Divers do it deeper</div>
<div> </div>
<div>-Tech divers do it deeper for longer</div>
<div> </div>
<div>-Want to see my crotch-strap?</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I'll have to think for a bit and come up with some more. Dang I should have each one in it's own thread to boost my count. J/K</div>
<div> </div>
<div>FD</div>

These are pretty clever, but they're more likely to get you a black eye than a date.

Cichlid
07-17-2007, 20:53
Yeah but the one that doesn't punch him is probably his dream girl! I
knew a crotch strap would work it's way in here. Crotch, what a great
word.

Joew
07-17-2007, 21:24
How many Padi Instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.


I know a few PADI instructors that will like this one, and a couple NAUI guys that will like it even more. smileys/smiley36.gif

Cichlid
07-17-2007, 22:18
Found this online:



Singles Ad



Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat. Please sent photo of boat.



:smiley36:

Joew
07-17-2007, 22:47
Found this online:

Singles Ad

Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat. Please sent photo of boat.

smileys/smiley36.gif




smileys/smiley36.gif smileys/smiley36.gif smileys/smiley36.gif
That sounds like an ad I would write.

cyclical
07-17-2007, 22:58
Found this online:

Singles Ad

Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat. Please sent photo of boat.

smileys/smiley36.gif


<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>I would have to modify that to say..</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat, and like wives. Please sent photo of boat.</DIV>

Krakenn
08-10-2007, 05:02
Divers do it deeper

Kraks

WV Diver
08-10-2007, 07:08
:smilie_fluester: Hey cutie, do you need a BC with those? :boobies4:


:fam0209:

deepdiver47
08-10-2007, 07:22
Sorry guys, but I just couldn't resist....
<DIV>Is that a snorkle in your wetsuit, or are you just happy to see me?</DIV>


wow....what is on your mind? :censored:

You should have been in our chat last night.

deepdiver47
08-10-2007, 07:23
Divers use big hoses

(Firemen stole this from us)

tbush
08-10-2007, 07:57
why dont crabs share there toys?
there shellfish

Disneymom
08-10-2007, 08:10
wow....what is on your mind? :censored:

You should have been in our chat last night.Ah-HA! That's why all you boys ran like cockroaches when the light is turned on when a girl came into the chat last night! :smiley36:

Seriously, tho - these are pretty cute.

yankeefan21
08-10-2007, 08:44
When not to hyphenate your last name:

deepdiver47
08-10-2007, 08:48
wow....what is on your mind? :censored:

You should have been in our chat last night.Ah-HA! That's why all you boys ran like cockroaches when the light is turned on when a girl came into the chat last night! :smiley36:

Seriously, tho - these are pretty cute.


Busted! LOL, DisneyMom, you bet we did. We headed for the exit. We were wondering why chicks didn't enter sooner. We had a good time talking about cold water diving in Canada. It was my first time on that chat so it was a learning experience

BSea
08-10-2007, 08:48
When not to hyphenate your last name:

I nominate this couple for the next needy diver(s).:)

yankeefan21
08-10-2007, 08:55
I nominate this couple for the next needy diver(s).:)
:smilie39:

+1

yankeefan21
08-10-2007, 08:58
Divers use big hoses

(Firemen stole this from us)
You know - as a firefighter AND a diver, I take offense to this! How can you compare a diver's hose to a firefighter's hose? Our hoses may only be 1 1/2" to 6" but that's measuring the DIAMETER...

...

...

Think about it.

:smiley2:

deepdiver47
08-10-2007, 09:12
Divers use big hoses

(Firemen stole this from us)
You know - as a firefighter AND a diver, I take offense to this! How can you compare a diver's hose to a firefighter's hose? Our hoses may only be 1 1/2" to 6" but that's measuring the DIAMETER...

...

...

Think about it.

:smiley2:


I feel like .....:fly:

yankeefan21
08-10-2007, 09:22
I feel like .....:fly:
Now THAT is funny! :smilie39:

dallasdivergirl
08-10-2007, 09:29
What?!?

No nitrox pick up lines from you guys?

I am very dissappointed in all of you.

Here's a question, do female divers even need to use pickup lines on male divers?

georoc01
08-10-2007, 09:42
Nope, just unzip their skins :)

yankeefan21
08-10-2007, 09:46
Nope, just unzip their skins :)
Eeeew! If a girl unzipped her skin - oh wait...

Foo2
08-10-2007, 10:06
Sorry guys, but I just couldn't resist....
<DIV>Is that a snorkle in your wetsuit, or are you just happy to see me?</DIV>


wow....what is on your mind? :censored:

You should have been in our chat last night.

I don't know what your talking about...what's on your mind?

tbush
08-10-2007, 11:07
none needed but still apreciated

Vercingetorix
08-10-2007, 11:18
Here's a question, do female divers even need to use pickup lines on male divers?Nope. Just give a guy The Look (yeah...you know what I'm talkin' about). We'll carry your gear and tanks, whatever. We're suckers for that...

thesmoothdome
08-10-2007, 13:11
Hey baby, do you like going down as much as I do?

thesmoothdome
08-10-2007, 13:13
How about "I'd love to see your undwear."

Obviously to a dry suit diver.

quarrydiver
08-11-2007, 13:51
not really a joke but my wife asked the dive instructor how many times she had to go down to get certified.

Cichlid
08-11-2007, 16:48
not really a joke but my wife asked the dive instructor how many times she had to go down to get certified.

:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

DivingsInMyBlood
08-11-2007, 17:02
I don't know any scuba related pick-up lines, at least none that work. I do have a few (bad) jokes, though. Here's one:

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.

thats a good one.:smiley32:

Illini_Fan
08-12-2007, 21:15
Here's a question, do female divers even need to use pickup lines on male divers?Nope. Just give a guy The Look (yeah...you know what I'm talkin' about). We'll carry your gear and tanks, whatever. We're suckers for that...


Something tells me that dallasdivergirl knew the answer before she asked the question. :)

Axewizard
08-14-2007, 17:42
I saw this on a t-shirt once:

"Scuba divers do it deeper, stay down longer, come up wetter, and are always satisfied!"

I actually tried that one once...good thing I was engaged to her...ugh! At least she still married me.

dallasdivergirl
08-14-2007, 18:01
I think I got busted by Illini Fan but I did have to check.
I would never use the look for tank carrying purposes.

uzzell20
08-14-2007, 18:43
don't know any jokes but i love reading the new ones

Krakenn
08-17-2007, 00:13
Last testiment of a Vintage Scuba Diver -

When I die bend me over, bury my arms and legs and use me as a tank holder

Kraks

Vercingetorix
08-17-2007, 16:08
I think I got busted by Illini Fan but I did have to check.
I would never use the look for tank carrying purposes.Guys...beware, this is the same charming young lady who had guys carrying her tanks during her last class. Yeah...she's got The Look and will use it when/where necessary. Do not be fooled by her avatar.:smiley26:

Illini_Fan
08-17-2007, 16:11
In dallasdivergirl's defense, she didn't abuse the look. Without much effort, I think she could have got her tent set-up and taken down for her, but she did the work herself.

Now, a couple of those tank refills :)

kevinj1
08-18-2007, 20:41
:smilie_fluester: Hey cutie, do you need a BC with those? :boobies4:


:fam0209:


THat is a pretty good one,...

dmdoss
08-18-2007, 22:48
My hose is way to long.

Buoyant1
08-18-2007, 23:08
How about...Can I fill your tanks?

or

Hey baby...nice cylinders!

I STILL like "how many times do I need to go down to get certified!" THAT one will make the rounds at the LDS! :smilie39:

Buoyant1
08-18-2007, 23:09
Sorry guys, but I just couldn't resist....
<DIV>Is that a snorkle in your wetsuit, or are you just happy to see me?</DIV>


I'm like so appalled! you have the most "innocent" looking avatar I've ever seen! :smilie39:

texarkandy
08-19-2007, 00:36
Not exactly scuba related, but -

What's the difference in a lawyer & a catfish?

One's a scum-sucking-bottom-feeder & the other is a fish.

texarkandy
08-19-2007, 09:47
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor.

Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."

The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore."

The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!" "

Buoyant1
08-19-2007, 19:33
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor.

Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."

The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore."

The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!" "

The DM on a boat I was on in the Keys a few years back used that as a joke during the pre-dive when he was talking about the safety stuff for the boat...."If the boat sinks the two life rafts on top will self deploy, if this DOES happen and you are interested, we can dive the wreck, but I'll have to charge you each another $50. when we get rescued."

Illini_Fan
08-19-2007, 19:35
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor.

Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."

The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore."

The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!" "

Regardless of the whole SSI / NAUI / PADI debate, that is very funny.

dallasdivergirl
08-20-2007, 11:36
Originally Posted by texarkandy http://forum.scubatoys.com/images/bluepearl/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forum.scubatoys.com/showthread.php?p=28591#post28591)
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor.

Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."

The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore."

The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!" "



Very wrong! But pretty funny.

NitroWill
08-20-2007, 11:44
How to fail your open water certification!
Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.
Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "wossies".
Show up with a set of tables based on your own algorithm "that's WAY better".
Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.
Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 2000 pounds of air in it. :smilie39:
When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

How to Know if your Dive Buddy Hates You


He gives you the "wait here" sign and you are still on the boat?
He "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper?
When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you hissnorkel?
When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on hisslate "I'll get you some" and swims off?
You give him the "OK" signal and he gives you the finger?
He spits in your mask for you, but you haven't taken it offyet?

NitroWill
08-20-2007, 11:52
There was a bar by a lake used by scuba divers was and a man walked in carrying a cardboard box. He put the box on the bar and ordered a drink. It was quiet, and the bartender was a talkative fellow. He naturally asked what was in the box. The man didn't answer, but opened the box and took out a miniature grand piano, then a miniature piano stool, and finally, a little man less than a foot tall, who sat at the piano and started to play the most incredible music you had ever heard.

"He's fantastic!" said the barman, "Where did you get him?"
"Well," said the customer, "I had been diving in the lake when I saw this frog swimming in the middle of lake, at about 15 feet, and looking very tired. I took hold of the frog and carried him to the surface. The frog seemed very relieved, so I carried him to the shore.

"When I put him down the frog started to talk! He said he wasn't really a frog, but was a handsome prince turned into a frog by a wicked fairy. And because he had never learned to swim, he wasn't making a very good job of being a frog. And as I had just saved his life, he was going to grant me a wish.
"Now, the frog did seem to have difficulty equalizing as we surfaced, and it must have affected his hearing, because I told him my wish – and that was how I got a 10" pianist!"

dallasdivergirl
08-20-2007, 15:13
How to fail your open water certification!

Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.
Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "wossies".
Show up with a set of tables based on your own algorithm "that's WAY better".
Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.
Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 2000 pounds of air in it. :smilie39:
When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

How to Know if your Dive Buddy Hates You


He gives you the "wait here" sign and you are still on the boat?
He "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper?
When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you hissnorkel?
When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on hisslate "I'll get you some" and swims off?
You give him the "OK" signal and he gives you the finger?
He spits in your mask for you, but you haven't taken it offyet?

I was good until you peed in the mask.

tj gold
08-21-2007, 08:25
A married couple was on a diving holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the local marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop!" So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, "I have some special sandals I tink ya would be interested in... Dey make ya wild at sex. The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the shopkeeper, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak? The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting, cept try dem on. So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye the husband, grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!"...

BSea
08-21-2007, 09:44
An married couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

NitroWill
08-21-2007, 10:03
An married couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

:disappointed::disappointed::disappointed:...

:smiley36: