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John Yaskowich
12-03-2007, 17:43
T-Shirts and Bumper stickers

These are some of my favorites:

- All my life I wanted to be someone - I guess I should have been more specific
- Everyone is entitled to be stupid once in a while, but some people abuse the privilege
- “Not a morning person” does not even BEGIN to cover it
- The border between reality and fantasy is not fixed. It just marks the last place rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill
- A chill in the air, a cat on the lap, a mug of chocolate, and a good book. Ah, Paradise!
- Lord, Help me to give 100% to my work - 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.
- Where did bigots get the idea that God is as small-minded as they are?
- Don’t think of it as being outnumbered. Think of it as having a target rich environment
- The amount of sleep required by the average person is 10 minutes more
- I’m not afraid of the dark...It’s the stuff IN the dark I’m afraid of!
- “The early bird gets the worm” - I prefer to sleep late and get waffles!
- Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner
- Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 2006-1951
- You wouldn’t be so worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do
- Sleep is an inadequate substitute for caffeine
- Limit politicians to two terms - one in office, one in jail
- We have gone from “Lean and Mean” to “Anorexic and Psychotic”
- You can’t achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
- The boss keeps forgetting he is just renting my time, not buying my soul
- The cause of most arguments is not that one can't see the other's point of view, it's that one doesn't see that there can be another point of view.
- Think carefully about what you want to accomplish today because you will be trading a day in your life for it.
- All right, who put the "Morning People" in charge?
- Drive no faster than your guardian angel can fly.
- All I want in life is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
- The trick is to get a strong grip on reality - AND THEN CHOKE IT TO DEATH.

Goober
12-03-2007, 17:52
-Heavily Medicated For Your Protection
-Sarcasim, It's Just One Of The Services I Offer:smilie40:

Suther2136
12-03-2007, 22:11
At the Hoston Marathon "My sport is other sport's punishment"

Suther2136
12-03-2007, 22:11
My daughter is a vegitarian my son's tee "For every animal you don't eat I'll eat three"

Suther2136
12-03-2007, 22:11
"Social engineering....because there is no patch for human stupidity"

Suther2136
12-03-2007, 22:16
And the ever popular "There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those who don't.

cow109
12-03-2007, 22:18
"I can remember when sex was safe and scuba diving was dangerous."
"There will be plenty of time for sleep when you're dead."
"I'd rather have a bottle in fronta me than a frontal lobotomy." (WC Fields)

Mtrewyn
12-04-2007, 00:08
"Why do people with closed minds always open their mouthes?"
"O, Crap, Your going to try and cheer me up aren't you?"

Bert
12-04-2007, 02:59
Keep honking I'm reloading
Insured by Smith & Wesson
Driver carries $20.00 in Ammo
Driver has no cash he married
I suport the right to arm Bears
My Karma just ran over your dogma
Ever stop to think and forget to start?
If you can read this thank a teacher...If you can read this in english thank a VET

Check out Prankplace.com the have a large selection of gage bumperstickers

John Yaskowich
12-04-2007, 13:18
And some more that I like:
- I have a problem with people who think their right to speak freely about being offended automatically translates into a right to be taken seriously.
- Programming is a race between programmers trying to make bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to create bigger and better idiots.
- In the beginning there was nothing. And God said “Let there be light”. And there was still nothing, but at least you could see it.
- An employer once asked “What if I train my people and they leave?” and I answered “What if you don’t train them and they stay?”
- Kid, tell you dog this is a TARDIS, not a Way-Back Machine!
- Does the name “Pavlov” ring a bell?
- Oh dear, I think reality is on the blink again.
- I either want less corruption or more of a chance to participate.
- “Life’s too short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who’s got an idea how I ought to be!” -Calvin
- You’re twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core . . . I like that in a person.

No Misses
12-04-2007, 14:01
It's not the network!

Anne Eastwell
12-04-2007, 16:14
And the ever popular "There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those who don't.




Very clever!

Defman
12-04-2007, 18:28
Sorry for the lousy image, it's all I could get and there's no way I could do it justice with an explanation. Text says "AD/HD Back In Bla... Hey Look, A Squirrel!"

IrishSquid
12-04-2007, 18:35
5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

Doug B
12-04-2007, 20:41
Sorry for the lousy image, it's all I could get and there's no way I could do it justice with an explanation. Text says "AD/HD Back In Bla... Hey Look, A Squirrel!"

That's really fu..... .er, uhhh, are you gonna eat that donut?

wheelman
12-04-2007, 20:43
I bet you'd drive better with that phone up your ass!

divingmedic
12-04-2007, 22:00
My favorite bumper sticker I saw one morning on the way to work. It was five in the morning and I was behind this old pickup truck. the sticker read " My son made trustee at TDC".

John Yaskowich
12-05-2007, 12:25
- The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a chasm in two jumps
- Money Talks. The last thing I heard it say was “good-bye”
- Time is natures way of keeping everything from happening at once. Lately, it hasn’t been working.
- The government is extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the n’th degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged and re-arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case the figures are first put down by a village watchman. And he puts down anything he damn well pleases! (Sir Josiah Stamp, Her Majesty’s Collector of Inland Revenue - 1747)
- People can be divided into three groups; those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who wonder what happened
- If the sexes are equal, why is it that “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend” but “Man’s best friend is his dog”?
- You are doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly and Moe
- Too many decisions are measured with a micrometer, marked with chalk, and cut with an ax
- Of course you can’t fly to the moon by simply flapping your arms. After a while your arms get tired and there is no place to rest along the way
- The promises of yesterday are the taxes of today (William Lyon MacKenzie King)

navyhmc
12-05-2007, 20:36
A T-shirt I had years ago: You are depriving a village somewhere of it's IDIOT!

Mighty Borris
12-05-2007, 23:54
Keep talking, I like watching your lips move.
I love hot moms
got root?

mm2002
12-06-2007, 09:32
Horn Broken, Please Watch For Finger!

John Yaskowich
12-06-2007, 14:20
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have any film.
- If you can’t do anything about a situation, worry just wastes energy. If you can do something about it, worry just keeps you from focusing on the problem.
- Some days it is hard to believe you are the end product of millions of years of evolution!
- The apparent purpose of most meetings is to kill a couple of hours – by boring them to death.
- Never, ever discuss the state of your finances in front of your car
- God did not create the world in seven days. He goofed off for six, then pulled an all-nighter
- Sex is hereditary: If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either!
- The only person to ever get all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe
- Anyone with a telephone is at the mercy of every fool who knows how to dial
- What is Vanilla, Vanilla, and Vanilla? Ice Cream Clones

Matt P
12-06-2007, 15:40
T-Shirt: If you think you feel good wait til you feel me!

cow109
12-06-2007, 22:13
Going to the moon is OK, but I plan to build a ship to go to the sun. Yeh, I know, but don't worry...I'm going at night!

FishFood
12-06-2007, 22:26
Horn Broken, Please Watch For Finger!

Finger Broken, Watch for Gun

John Yaskowich
12-07-2007, 17:08
- Some computer programs are as graceful as fine poetry. Others are the stylistic equivalent of a government press release read aloud by Donald Duck
- I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies!
- 24 hours in a day. 24 beer in a case. Coincidence? ...I think not!
- All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and more pay for not getting it done
- Cats are smarter than dogs: You can’t teach eight cats to pull a sled
- People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs
- Don’t bother me. I’ve got my three miracle minimum; when the Pope signs my sainthood papers, I’m outta here!!
- Sex is like money: everyone thinks there is more of it around than there really is, and that everyone else is getting a bigger share
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good to eat
- The Evolution Of Medicine...

2000 BC -- Here, eat this root.
1000 AD -- That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD -- That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD -- That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 AD -- That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD -- That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.

kev99
12-07-2007, 17:38
For all of those who took psychology or majored in it:

http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-yomama-catalog-3932.jpg (http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/yomama/male)

And another funny one:

http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-youcompleteme-gallery_artwork_thumb-1084.jpg (http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/youcompleteme/male#)

Busted Tees - Funny T-Shirts - New T-Shirt designs every week - Crazy Tees Hilarious Cool Shirts (http://www.bustedtees.com/)

Freaking hillarious shirt designs!

divechaplain-sara
12-07-2007, 20:00
-
- Never, ever discuss the state of your finances in front of your car


I laughed out loud at that one because it is true. If I ever think I'm getting ahead financially, my car decides to take up any extra cash.

Formerly 45yroldNewbie
12-07-2007, 23:01
* Life is like a Sh*t sandwich -The more bread you have the less SH*T you have to eat!

* If common sense is so common why is it rarely observed?

* My kid beat up your honor student!

Navy OnStar
12-08-2007, 13:52
My Dad has this one:

I'M ONLY SPEEDING BECAUSE I HAVE TO POOP!

adv_diver1
12-08-2007, 17:22
Still my favorite:

"Don't argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!"

scubajane
12-08-2007, 19:28
I'm not speeding i am qualifying
On a t-shirt with a picture of a big spoon.... Cereal Killer

I saw a huge white pick up truck with mud wheels, 4 wheel drive, dual chrome exhausts out the back of the cab running down the highway at about 100 mph. in the back window it said... 'Red-neck Porche'

bumper sticker. Christians are not perfect, just forgiven

A t-shirt with several hairy men carrying a huge carrot. the caption. The first vegetarians home from the hunt.

John Yaskowich
12-08-2007, 19:47
- The day Microsoft makes something that doesn’t suck will be the day it ships its first vacuum cleaner.
- Are we having fun yet?
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
- It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
- Born Free...Taxed to Death
- Is there life before coffee? Yes, but not intelligent life!
- The light you see at the end of the tunnel may just be an oncoming train!

Scuba-Bill
12-08-2007, 20:55
This is one of my favorites...

http://www.deathrowtshirts.com/images/products/BANJOS2_RK-OL_REV1.gif

Shortyman801
12-09-2007, 20:05
These are some of my personal favorites
-" I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!"
-" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
-Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
-Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car
-I break for........................OH SH*^ NO BRAKES
-There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
-Learn from your parent’s mistakes, use birth control.
-He who laughs last thinks slowest.
-Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
-Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
-Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!

John Yaskowich
12-09-2007, 22:27
- “I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves.” - Baron von Humboldt
- I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many times that I have all but rubbed it out.
- I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore!
- Nothing can stop me - not even common sense
- Half of everything is below average
- Cars aren’t rust prone; they are “biodegradable.”
- We get so concerned with the urgent we never have time to deal with the important
- “Today’s children are tyrants: they contradict their parents, gobble their food and terrorize the teachers.” Socrates, 470-399 BC
- I'm doing my part to annoy the Religious Reich
- Vegetarian: Old Indian word for “I don’t hunt so good”

John Yaskowich
12-10-2007, 09:23
- Mind like a steel sieve
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- I learn more by listening. Anything I say I already know.
- If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot, immediately
- Reform always comes from below. No one with four aces calls for a new deal
- It is difficult to predict the need for a bridge by counting the number of people swimming the river.
- Patience is a virtue best practiced by others.

John Yaskowich
12-11-2007, 11:28
- You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
- Was today really necessary?
- Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the PRESENT
- Yes, I am paranoid. But, am I paranoid enough?
- I think I will plan on being spontaneous tomorrow
- Does the name “Pavlov” ring a bell?
- Definition of a Gentleman: A man who knows how to play bagpipes...and refrains from doing so.
- May God stand between you and the harm along your path.
- “You Don’t Know Me” (In big bold letters) Federal Witness Protection Program (In much smaller lettering underneath)
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

adv_diver1
12-11-2007, 13:03
A good shirt I remembered was:

"Guns don't kill people, I kill people", worn by Jaws the giant in Happy Gilmore.

PsychDiver
12-11-2007, 16:52
My 16 month old grandson came out with his t-shirt which said,

Santa - Define Good!

navyhmc
12-11-2007, 20:45
- Definition of a Gentleman: A man who knows how to play bagpipes...and refrains from doing so.
-The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

My wife totally loves the bagpipes one. For some reason she is looking at me with this funny look in her eyes.

On the lines of the Lieberal Arts degree, what does a the PHD in PHS in liberal arts mean? Pizza Hut Delivery.

John Yaskowich
12-12-2007, 18:06
- If I had know grandkids were so much fun I would have had them first.
- The software box read “Needs Windows XP or better” so I bought a Macintosh.
- It’s not lost. I very carefully put it in a box. It’s the box that’s lost.
- You can stop rehearsing. No one is hiring village idiots anymore.
- Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?
- I don’t have an attitude problem. It’s supposed to be like this
- There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock
- An elephant is a mouse build to government specifications
- The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact that a fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be the major (or final) product of the organization
- Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code

EuphoriaII
05-19-2008, 13:57
Not a bumper sticker but seen on the back of a scuba shop employee:

"If you can read this, my damn tank fell off"

Madmax1997
05-19-2008, 21:51
Read this one in a restaurant:
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, Hi.
You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'
The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is
excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her every sexual urge. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The salary is $200,000 a year.'


The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bull****tin' me!'




The social worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.

mm_dm
05-20-2008, 07:27
Read this one in a restaurant:
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, Hi.
You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'
The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is
excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her every sexual urge. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The salary is $200,000 a year.'


The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bull****tin' me!'




The social worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.

:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39:

My sister is a social worker- she'll love this!

Skinsfan1311
05-20-2008, 11:20
"When in doubt, whip it out!"

...in reference to the picture of the emergency ripcord on the back of a sky-diving school T-shirt

:smiley36:

elijahb
05-26-2008, 20:29
I bet you'd drive better with that phone up your ass!
I like that one:smilie39::smilie39:

Splitlip
05-26-2008, 20:35
And the ever popular "There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those who don't.
:smiley20: took a second

Dive Rong
05-27-2008, 00:21
Stop watching the Skies, start watching your back... THEY'RE HERE!!!

chinacat46
05-27-2008, 08:39
How about "Life is what I do between dives"

Rileybri
05-27-2008, 08:53
As skiers first and foremost (although the tide is rapidly changing on that one!), a friend made my wife and I stickers for our cars.

Mine reads:"Snow makes my wife wet"
Hers "Snow makes me wet!"

nuf said,

BTD