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loudgonzo
12-14-2007, 08:37
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get
a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of

diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
b!&* knows I'm smarter than her.

unclepooty
12-14-2007, 08:55
:smilie39::smilie39::smilie39: DANG! that's funny

scubaculture
12-14-2007, 09:04
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...

And for a long long time I'd wager!

ScubaJenn81
12-14-2007, 09:52
You had me going for about 3/4th of that story.

shadragon
12-14-2007, 10:12
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
The only way she can cut you off is if she knows where you are getting it... :smiley36:

cgvmer
12-14-2007, 10:24
Well if she stays around after that one...your stuck for a long time....that is funny.

teog
12-14-2007, 11:57
Thats good stuff.haha

Tableleg
12-14-2007, 20:42
:smilie39:

This has got to be a story... There's no way you had the kahones to do this... :smiley36:

marchand
12-14-2007, 21:03
I think I'm gonna try that one day...

adv_diver1
12-14-2007, 21:11
F emotional needs... there would not be such a thing if it was not for Oprah, Ellen or Dr. Phil...

Thanks alot you famous men relationship, got it down pat, got the chick, everything is in the bag, wreckers!!!

They should put testosterone is Pepsi, CocoCola and Starbucks instead of cafienne!!!!!!

loudgonzo
12-14-2007, 21:12
:smilie39:

This has got to be a story... There's no way you had the kahones to do this... :smiley36:

Story or not...you need "Cojones"....as "kahones" translates to a dresser drawer:smiley2:.

But anyways, had it been my story, I would not have lived to tell:smiley36:

Funny stuff though!

PsychDiver
12-14-2007, 21:59
Thats got to be just a story - but a funny one!

whichwayisup
12-26-2007, 11:02
Funny, funny. I've done something similar to my wife and got cut off for a while.

Goober
12-26-2007, 11:34
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get
a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of

diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
b!&* knows I'm smarter than her.

Amen Brother!:smilie39:

wheelman
12-26-2007, 11:40
Funny, good story. That will be a she either gets over it or doesn't. Don't try this at home... it could cost you at least 50% of what you think your worth.

tbg0519
01-05-2008, 18:00
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the Dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I Heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, and taken illegal drugs; and I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine Parish full of good and loving people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of Apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE

divingchef
01-05-2008, 18:12
:smilie39:

This has got to be a story... There's no way you had the kahones to do this... :smiley36:

Story or not...you need "Cojones"....as "kahones" translates to a dresser drawer:smiley2:.

But anyways, had it been my story, I would not have lived to tell:smiley36:

Funny stuff though!


good spanish.....great story!!!!

whse56
01-05-2008, 18:34
Funny, anybody that could pull that one on a wife/girlfriend would have to have the guts to go grizzly hunting with a pocket knife.

Tom A
01-05-2008, 21:30
thats a good one like the tv commerical of the guy painting toe nails

Divemaster2008
01-29-2008, 14:02
I don't even have the nerve to let my wife read that story.

St.jimmy
01-29-2008, 17:57
it's fake, but still funny as hell
(which really is an oxymoron, hell, a place of torture, funny? lol)

boates
01-30-2008, 07:18
Very funny, If my hubby did this to me, he wouldn't, cause I wouldn't pull that crap. I would consider it a wake-up and time to get over myself.
I too question the validity of this, but very funny story!:smiley31:

Think
01-30-2008, 07:47
LOL, that was pretty good. :smiley20: I'm lucky enough to have a wife who is pretty good about not blowing money. Now her husband, well that's a different story..