A few blonde jokes

[chinacat46]

If your blonde don't be offended just read them twice.


Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
"Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

"You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied,
"We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,

"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"

FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"

[jwdizney]

[mixahl]

Thanks for the laugh of the day....I regularly find something funny on the forums daily....THANKS!

[Black-Gorrilla]

pretty good stuff although it should be in fun and games.

[BuzzGA]

My wife, a blonde, read these over my shoulder and responded with..."You know what a brunette's mating call is?...Has the blonde left yet?"

[WV Diver]

Originally Posted by Black-Gorrilla

pretty good stuff although it should be in fun and games.

Done.

[Beaucoupfishies]

I was doing good until the broken finger, then I lost it.

[Murloc]

just prior to departure at Miami international a stewardess noticed an attractive blond sitting in first class. Knowing that there were no female passengers listed on the seating assignments for that section the stewardess approached the young lady and said "excuse me miss, but I believe you may be sitting in the wrong section. This is first class and if I may see your boarding pass I can help you find your scheduled seating."

the blond casually looked at her and replied "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying to Dallas."

the stewardess stood there for a second and wondered if perhaps the blond had misunderstood her before again asking her "that's nice miss but I need to see your boarding pass so that we may sit you in your assigned seat for take off."

the blond took a deep sigh and said "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying to Dallas."

rather then start the flight off with an arguement the stewardess went in search of the senior flight attendent hoping that perhaps her supervisor could get through to the blond passenger who seemed oblivious to anything being wrong.

the senior flight attendent once briefed to the situation approached the blond in first class and stated "excuse me miss. We are about to begin our departure and if you'll present your boarding pass we can quickly show you to your seat without any further delay."

the blond smiled at her and answered "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying to Dallas."

the senior flight attendent was quick to respond "that's nice miss but I really insist on seeing your boarding pass. Now."

the blond with a casual flip of her blond tresses, raised one eyebrow and replied "I am blond....I am beautiful....and I am flying to Dallas."

now by this time the pilot was wondering why he had not been notified by the crew that the passengers were all seated and came back looking for the senior attendent. the flight attendents took him to the side and told him that something was really weird about the blond as she didn't seem to understand them asking for her boarding pass and seemed clueless as to what was going on. "what does she say?" asked the pilot which the senior attendent answered "she says she's blond, beautiful, and flying to Dallas."

"ah..I see" said the pilot. "don't worry, my wife's blond.....I"ll handle this. I can speak blond."

"excuse me miss. These flight attendents would like to see your boarding pass so that you can be seated. The tower has asked for our progress and we really need to speed things up here."

the blond looked up at the pilot, took a deep breath and purred "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying to Dallas."

the pilot leaned over and whispered in her ear and the blond said "oh, I'm sorry" and got up and walked back to coach sitting down.

the flight attendents just stared at the pilot before one asked "what did you say to her?" the pilot smirked back and said "I told her that this section wasn't flying to Dallas and that she needed to sit in coach if she wanted to get to Dallas."

[fire diver]

LOL. Thanks for the laughs. I needed that.

BTW, the broken finger is the one that got me too.

[Black-Gorrilla]

Murloc... that is the longest blond joke i've ever read... and i love'd it