Non-offensive jokes... (really)

[navyhmc]

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

[Foo2]

what do you call four bull fighters in quick sand? cuatro cinco

[navyhmc]

Three mathematicians go deer hunting. They see a 16 point buck 100 yards away. The first one fires and misses 2" in front of the deer. The second one shoots and misses exactly 2" behind the critter. They look at the third and ask "Are you going to shoot?". He says "No, between the two of you, we hit it."

[robjoubert]

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you? She comes out and says she did it.

[robjoubert]

No need for thanks
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!

All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "Please think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

[scubastud]

Originally Posted by navyhmc

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

Sara Jessica Parker walks into a barn... the horse asks "Why the long face?"

[Bert]

A blond, brunett, and red head go fishing...
The read head speaks up." I got good friends here its early morning I think I'll get us breakfeast" so the red head gets out of the boat walks across the water.. a while later the read head comes back with breakfeast walks across the water and gets back in the boat....
A few hours of fishing later the Brunett says" we have been here all morning and caught nothing, I will go and get us some lunch" So the brunett gets out of the boat and walks across the water... A while later the brunett comes back with lunch, walks across the water and gets back in the boat..
A few hours of fishing later the blond speaks up." well my friends we havn't caught any fish so I will go and get us dinner" The blond gets out of the boat and starts floundering in the water. the read head looks at the brunett and says" do you think we should havke told the blond about the rocks on the other side of the boat?"

[Bert]

two irishmen walk into a bar... sheesh you would think one of them would have seen it.

[Daz]

Originally Posted by scubastud

Sara Jessica Parker walks into a barn... the horse asks "Why the long face?"

Celine Dion walks into Sara Jessica Parker's house... SJP asks "Why the long face?"

[bennerman]

Originally Posted by Daz

Celine Dion walks into Sara Jessica Parker's house... SJP asks "Why the long face?"

I look at Daz' avatar. I say "Why the long face?"