Non-offensive jokes... (really)

[Defman]

A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A drunk at the bar looks up and says where did you get that pig? The lady barks back at the drunk saying that's not a pig that's a duck!!". The drunk says "Shut up lady, I was talking to the duck."

[MSilvia]

Two atoms are walking down the street when one of them suddenly stops and says, "Hold on... I think I just lost an electron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah... I'm positive."

[chinacat46]

Why did the whale cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide.



What do fish say when they swim into a concrete wall?

Dam

[bennerman]

Originally Posted by MSilvia

Two atoms are walking down the street when one of them suddenly stops and says, "Hold on... I think I just lost an electron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah... I'm positive."

Ok, I admit it... I'm a nerd

[MSilvia]

Originally Posted by bennerman

Ok, I admit it... I'm a nerd

Pretty much everyone who laughs at (or tells) that joke is.

[Foo2]

Some of y'all have probably already heard this but...oh well!

So they said that when an African American was elected as president pigs would fly. 100 days in....swine flu!

[mm_dm]

Originally Posted by Foo2

Some of y'all have probably already heard this but...oh well!

So they said that when an African American was elected as president pigs would fly. 100 days in....swine flu!

Hadn't heard that one yet...thanks! I'll be killing people all weekend with it now.

[navyhmc]

Originally Posted by Foo2

Some of y'all have probably already heard this but...oh well!

So they said that when an African American was elected as president pigs would fly. 100 days in....swine flu!

Haven't you heard? The Aporkalypse is at hand!!!

[Pandora]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

'Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[bennerman]

Originally Posted by Pandora

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

'Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Well, looks like Pandora... um... Why are there no good Pandora's Box jokes around?