Airplane Humor

[DevilDiver]

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget...

[NitroWill]

Repoooostttttttttt

Anyone ever fly Qantas?

[DennisW]

And, it does not take a college degree to fly an airplane. You can solo at age 16.

[ScubaJenn81]

Quantas is a great airline, I have been on a number of flights with them, and find them quite funny but very professional.

[DevilDiver]

Originally Posted by DennisW

And, it does not take a college degree to fly an airplane. You can solo at age 16.

Sorry for the repost..... I was unaware. Ignorance is no excuse so i assume a responability...........

As for the comment about the college degree to fly. I could be going out on a limb here but from the context of the post I would be guessing they mean licensed to fly commercial airlines..... But have it the way you want it. It's just a joke.

[Splitlip]

Originally Posted by DevilDiver

Sorry for the repost..... I was unaware. Ignorance is no excuse so i assume a responability...........

That's OK. I am disappointed because when I saw the title of the thread I thought it was airplane "hummer".
Figured somebody had their eye on the monthly give away with that one .

[DevilDiver]

We could do that but I the forum police would be all over that.....

[DennisW]

I was just making a comment. Although I've seen these all before, they are always funny. And it doesn't take a college degree to fly for the airlines either, although, most of the pilots probably have one. You just have to have a Commercial Instrument and Multi-Engine ratings to get hired to fly as a First Officer. It takes an Air Transport Rating to fly in the left seat. Most First Officers also have the Air Transport Rating. Sorry I sounded like I was raining on your joke. I was just in a hurry and didn't make a complete post. Looking back, I should have waited until I had more time. My sincere apologies.

[DevilDiver]

Quote=DennisW;54781]I was just making a comment. Although I've seen these all before, they are always funny. And it doesn't take a college degree to fly for the airlines either, although, most of the pilots probably have one. You just have to have a Commercial Instrument and Multi-Engine ratings to get hired to fly as a First Officer. It takes an Air Transport Rating to fly in the left seat. Most First Officers also have the Air Transport Rating. Sorry I sounded like I was raining on your joke. I was just in a hurry and didn't make a complete post. Looking back, I should have waited until I had more time. My sincere apologies.[/quote]
Not a problem! I got this on email and thought it was funny. If anyone did not catch it the first post i hope they enjoy.....
I have to admit I was shocked you would not need a degree to fly comercial but upon considering it as long as you get the proper training (Military or priviate) I can understand. After all there some colledge grads i see that I'm not sure would be able to catch the bus much less fly a plane>>
Thanks for the reply!