My Favorite Joke(s)

[moosicman]

yeah....there is gonna be more than one but i'm gonna start with this one....
What do you get if you cross an athiest with an insomniac with a dyslexic?
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someone who stays up all night and wonders if there really is a dog.....

(no offense to persons with dyslexia, athiests, insomniacs or dogs)

[Soonerwink]

A police officer pulls over a blonde in a fancy red sports car for speeding. He approaches her window and asks for her drivers license and registration. The Blonde says, "sorry officer but I don't have neither, my license was suspended for multiple DUI's and I stole this car and murdered the owner whom I stuffed in the trunk." The officer puts his hand on his revolver and immediatly calls for backup. Two patrol cars show up in less than two minutes and the ranking officer approaches the Blonde. He tells her that the other officer had said that she had a body in the trunk and asked her if he could search it. She says " yes officer and pops the trunk. The trunk is empty. The ranking officer bewildered asks to see her license and registration. She hands him both, the officer looks them over and they look to be in order. He tells her "the first officer said she had no license or registration and that the car was stolen and the owner was murdered and stuffed in the trunk. The Blonde just laughs and says " And he probably even said I was speeding."

[Scubling]

What one is real, A smart blond or Aliens

[Scubling]

There where three aliens.Trouble, Shut-up, and Idiot.... One day Trouble got lost so they called 911. " What are your names men?" the officer asked." Shut up Idiot" they replied " no really what are your names?" " Shut up idiot" "OK your going to court!" "Where goin to da court, where goin to da court!"

At the court the judge asked "what are your names?" " Shut up Idiot." " No really what are your names?" "shut up idiot" "OK are you lookin for trouble?" "Ya have ya seen him"

[Navy OnStar]

There are these two newlyweds on their honeymoon and they are both very avid golfers. They are on the 14th hole and the guy is looking at beating the course record. He hits his tee shot right in front of the groundskeepers shed. His wife suggests that he chips out to the fairway and play it safe. Not wanting to miss beating the course record he suggests that they prop open the closest doors with their golf bags and his wife holds open the other doors on the far side of the shed and he'll hit right though onto the green. She agrees and he smashes the ball almost perfect but it hits her in the forehead and kills her on the spot.

5 years later he is at the same course with his new wife and finds himself in the same predicament. She suggest they prop open the closest doors with their bags and she'll hold open the far doors and he can hit right though. He says:"No, no, no, the last time I tried that I Double Bogied the hole!"

[Bert]

A man and women get married and have 6 kids the man dies. A year later the women remarries and has another 5 kids the second husband dies years later at the womans funeral the preacher says "At last they are together" one of the congergation ask preache her and her first husband, or her and the second husband, to wich the preacher replies her legs...

[Bert]

A hore walks into a bar the bar tender says why the long face

[CaribbeanDiver]

two men are out playing golf. they are following two women who are playing very slow. so after a few holes, the men become impatient. one man asks the other to get in the cart and ride up to ask if they can play through.
the man jumps in the cart, rides up about halfway and turns around. the other man asks, why did you turn around? to which the man replied, I couldnt go up to them, one was my wife and the other was my mistress.
the other man laughed but understood his dilema. so the second man jumped in the cart and raced up but suddenly he too turned around after about halfway.
the first man asked, why did you come back? the man in the cart replied, small world aint it?

[Suther2136]

Originally Posted by Scubling

There where three aliens.Trouble, Shut-up, and Idiot.... One day Trouble got lost so they called 911. " What are your names men?" the officer asked." Shut up Idiot" they replied " no really what are your names?" " Shut up idiot" "OK your going to court!" "Where goin to da court, where goin to da court!"

At the court the judge asked "what are your names?" " Shut up Idiot." " No really what are your names?" "shut up idiot" "OK are you lookin for trouble?" "Ya have ya seen him"

boo hiss ugh...

[Soonerwink]

Originally Posted by Bert

A hore walks into a bar the bar tender says why the long face

I think you mean horse, at least I hope so.