Man Law List

[Cichlid]

Found some...add more...


Man Laws


1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.


2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.



3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.



4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.



5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.



6: Moaning about the brand of beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.



7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.



8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.



9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.



10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.



11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcoholic drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.



12: Only in situations of morale and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.



13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.



14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.



15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.




16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.



17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.



18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.



19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.



20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!



21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.



22: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.



23: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.



24: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.



25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.

[3rdEye]

crap....i fight naked all the time, and i've never been to prison

[dmdoss]

Crying is allowed after or during watching a Girls Gone Wild video.

[DivingsInMyBlood]

my boss wanted to fight me naked ontop of the block tower at work the other day, but his crazy (ex-airforce) and proberbly used to do that kind of stuff all the time.

You should add that Chuck Norris is the alpha male and should be worshipped by all men as a living god.

[dallasdivergirl]

17 & 25 made me cry I was laughing so hard.

[Vercingetorix]

Originally Posted by DivingsInMyBlood

my boss wanted to fight me naked ontop of the block tower at work the other day, but his crazy (ex-airforce) and proberbly used to do that kind of stuff all the time.

I'm ex-Air Force (please note capitalization here). Your boss musta been a fighter stick-jockey. The rest of us officers preferred to fight naked atop the bar in the O'Club.

[cgvmer]

Problem with #13, my ancestors were vicious and fought naked "Celts went into battle naked except for their torcs and body paint."

http://museums.ncl.ac.uk/reticulum/N...ticWarfare.htm

[thor]

#26 If two men are out to lunch, they must never share a dessert, unless that dessert is a keg of beer

[chewyjr15]

number 27: never under any circumstances apologize to a woman for flatulants or belches becuase secretly she does them to.

[creggur]

Gotta take issue with

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

Unless your friend doesn't really like his sister, and has expressed consent in such matters.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.

f. At the end of the movie Rudy, only if there are no other men around. If you are watching it with a woman, crying is only allowed if it is done intentionally to show your sensitive side in the hopes of gaining carnal knowledge of said woman..