Miscommunication in the Military

[Doug B]

Heard this the other day, thought it was funny.

Why the various branches of the military have a difficult time working together at times...

Take the simple phrase, "Secure That Building", and translate it....

US Marine Corps
Secure That Building = Storm the building, kill everyone inside, put snipers on all four corners of the roof, defend it 'till the last man.


US Navy
Secure That Building = Turn the lights out and lock the door when you leave.


US Air Force
Secure that Building = Lease or buy the building.

[DivingsInMyBlood]

I heard this one along time ago but the british military was used instead.

[Phestr]

This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.

[Hollywood703]

Originally Posted by Phestr

This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.

it should read like this:
US Coast Guard
Secure That Building = Them asking what a Building is, and how you attach a Mooring line to it

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority...retreat as necessary


SEMPER FI

[danielh03]

Originally Posted by Phestr

This was posted in the Air Force recruiters cubicle at the Miami MEPS when I entered 12 years ago. I laughed...until I found out it's not that far from reality! Except you missed one line:

US Army
Secure That Building = Take a headcount, create a single entry point, post guards, and no one goes in or out without proper authority.

you laugh, but i promise you, its the God's honest truth!

[Chris51882]

You guys all missed on one more thing...
After the Air Force buys the building, they all go celebrate their new purchase with a round of golf!

[divingmedic]

Originally Posted by Chris51882

You guys all missed on one more thing...
After the Air Force buys the building, they all go celebrate their new purchase with a round of golf!

Maybe where your at. But at my last base was frozen wasteland. Golf is not played much in North Dakota.

[JCAT]

A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 fighter pilot flew up next to him.

The F-16 jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!" The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes, and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the back, went to the head, then got a cup of coffee and a sweet roll."

[neogeo]

A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...
1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
(Paul Rodriguez)
2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
(Army's magazine of preventive maintenance ).
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)
4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
(U.S. Marine Corps)
5. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
(U.S. Air Force)
6. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
(Infantry Journal)
7. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
(US Air Force Manual)
8. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
(Gen. MacArthur)
9. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
(Infantry Journal)
10. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
(Marine Gunnery Sergeant)
11. Tracers work both ways.
(US Army Ordnance)
12. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
(Infantry Journal)
13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
(US Navy Seaman)
14. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
(David Hackworth)
15. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.
(Infantry Journal)
16. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
(Joe Gay)
17. Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
(Admiral Hornblower)
18. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
(Unknown Marine Recruit)
19. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
(Your Buddies)
20. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
(Army Platoon Sergeant)
21. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
(David Hackworth)
22. Your job is to kill the other person before they kill you so that your national leaders can negotiate a peace that will last as long as it takes the ink to dry.
(Drill Instructor) 23. In the Navy, the Chief is always right.
(Written on the door into the Chiefs quarters)

[navyhmc]

Originally Posted by neogeo

A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...
13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything.
(US Navy Seaman)

Navy = Never Again Volunteer Youself

Originally Posted by neogeo

23. In the Navy, the Chief is always right.
(Written on the door into the Chiefs quarters)

Absolutely and Totally Gall Dang Rgiht!!!!!