Men's rules for the ladies

[deepdiver47]

I was cleaning out my Outlook folder when I came upon this:


"Attention Ladies, Here are some simple rules from Men: Please note, these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE…"
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!

[Phestr]

1. I have 5 pairs of shoes. Knowing this, you can't expect an answer if you ask me which of your 40 pairs of shoes goes with the dress you want to wear.
1. If you have to ask if we noticed anything different, we didn't. Just tell us what you changed and let us compliment you on it. It's easier that way.
1. "Do you think she's pretty?" is a trap. We all know it, but if we are dumb enough to fall for it, it's because we are stupified by our love for you. Really.

[divingmedic]

Well said. I dare you to go into the womans forum and post this.

[Defman]

Dave Chappell had four good rules for women to follow, but I can't post them here! YouTube can be your friend though....

[scuba Widow]

Originally Posted by divingmedic

Well said. I dare you to go into the womans forum and post this.

Do you really think we are not going to read it and post to it here?

[mm_dm]

BUSTED!!! Book 'em, Dano



(okay, okay...line from Hawaii five-oh... google it)

[GDiver]

I always laugh about the ladies magazines trying to teach the women about how to please a man. Not too hard here. Feed me, give me some "play" and let me sleep. I guess they wouldn't sell too many magazines if they just put in the truth about how to keep us happy!

[divingmedic]

Originally Posted by scuba Widow

Do you really think we are not going to read it and post to it here?

Well it would be more fun to have it posted there

[Phestr]

Originally Posted by GDiver

I always laugh about the ladies magazines trying to teach the women about how to please a man. Not too hard here. Feed me, give me some "play" and let me sleep. I guess they wouldn't sell too many magazines if they just put in the truth about how to keep us happy!

That about sums it up. The male of the species is definately a simple creature.