Good Cat Joke

[deepdiver47]

"The only good cat is a clean cat"

Please forward to cat lovers everywhere who, like
myself, are very concerned about kitty hygiene.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet
water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him
to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet
and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the
lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get
any part of your body too close to the edge, as
his paws will be reaching for anything they can
find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This
provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have
found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and
ensure that there are no people between the
toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and
quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet
and run outside, where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The Dog

[creggur]

[fire diver]

Not that I'm a cat-lover or anything... but I do like THIS cat.

[Phestr]

I want one of those! Way better than a guard dog!

[CompuDude]

[TAH 73]

Entries in a dog's journal:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


Entries in a cat's journal:

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time......

[unclepooty]

Tah 73

[scuba Widow]

I love these

[NitroWill]

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says, "stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

[edge900rr]

http://forum.thesmallprint.org/index.php?topic=13105.0

great thread of funny cat pictures with captions. last time I checked it was like 88 pages, but there are quite a few with no pictures on them.