Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: Oil Change Instuctions

  1. #1
    Moderator ST-Forum Mod Charles R's Avatar
    Join Date
    08/04/2007
    Location
    Chandler, Arizona
    Posts
    758
    Images
    2

    Oil Change Instuctions

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.



    2) Drink a cup of coffee



    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:
    Oil Change:
    $20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total:
    $21.00
    ==========

    Oil Change instructions for
    Men :

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.



    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.



    3) Open a beer and drink it.



    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.



    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.



    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.



    7) Place drain pan under engine.



    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.



    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.



    10) Unscrew drain plug.



    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.



    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.



    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.



    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.



    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.



    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to
    avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.


    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.



    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.



    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.



    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.



    21) Drink beer.



    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.



    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.



    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.



    25) Begin cussing fit.



    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.



    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.



    28) Beer.



    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.



    30) Beer.



    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.



    32) Beer.



    33) Lower car from jack stands.



    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.



    35) Beer.



    36) Test drive car.



    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.



    38) Car gets impounded.



    39) Call loving wife, make bail.



    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:
    Parts:
    $50.00
    DUI:
    $2500.00
    Impound fee:
    $75.00
    Bail:
    $1500.00
    Beer:
    $20.00
    Total:
    $4,145.00
    But you know the job was done right!
    "If you can't get wet doing it, it can't be fun"

  2. #2
    Grouper Founding Member
    Join Date
    07/13/2007
    Location
    FLL
    Posts
    258
    Very funny!

  3. #3
    Barracuda
    Join Date
    07/28/2007
    Location
    Hutto, TX
    Age
    53
    Posts
    1,134
    Dang!!! It's like they were there!!!!
    Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything but they do make you smile when you push them down stairs.

  4. #4
    Grouper
    Join Date
    08/28/2007
    Location
    Lubbock, TX
    Age
    35
    Posts
    325
    I did that last weekend. It's good to know I'm not alone!

  5. #5
    Grouper
    Join Date
    09/10/2007
    Location
    Gainesville, Florida
    Age
    31
    Posts
    353
    Since when is an oil change $20.00 at jiffy lube? I thought it was more than that.

  6. #6
    Grouper
    Join Date
    11/16/2007
    Location
    Columbia, Sc
    Age
    40
    Posts
    931
    $20 @ jiffy lube.. more proof that women lie about what they spend
    ~NO Ma'am~

  7. #7
    Guppy
    Join Date
    01/11/2008
    Location
    chicago, Illinois
    Posts
    181
    Now that's a good day

  8. #8
    Barracuda
    Join Date
    07/15/2007
    Location
    Jax Beach, FL
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,379
    Images
    5
    Damn that's good.
    i'm not as think as you drunk i am ...

  9. #9
    TadPole
    Join Date
    07/09/2007
    Location
    Central Illinois
    Age
    55
    Posts
    47
    Images
    2
    Man, sometimes the truth hurts!
    Certified in Negril, Jamaica, dive there every June. Other diving: Bonaire; Cozumel, Mexico; Blackbeard's Cruise to Bahamas; Gulf of Mexico; Cancun, MX.

  10. #10
    FyVe
    Guest
    i love that, specially since i change my own oil. (nothing like that by the way)

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Any need to change certification before trip?
    By Rockhound76 in forum Junior Divers
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-01-2008, 17:08
  2. The Oil Field Explained... A Few Good Men Style
    By MagnaBoxer in forum Man Laws Forum
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-06-2008, 01:13
  3. How many of us change our computers to be more conservative?
    By Navy OnStar in forum Computers and Gauges
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 12-25-2007, 17:17
  4. What would you change?
    By dallasdivergirl in forum Surface Interval
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 08-24-2007, 09:13
  5. change thread title?
    By Disneymom in forum Forum Additions Features
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-22-2007, 20:21

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •