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Thread: Play the game... Win a prize!!!!

  1. #11
    Grouper
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    11/16/2007
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    A man, complaining of headaches, entered a hospital for diagnostic tests. A doctor examined the results for a brain scan and told the patient, "I have bad news and good news for you. The bad news is that you have a serious brain disease and will die without treatment. The good news is that this hospital has developed a new procedure for brain transplants and due to a car accident this morning two 'fresh' brains are available: one is from a taxi driver and the other is from a scientist. The brain of the taxi driver costs $225,000, while that of the scientist is only $29.95." Puzzled, the patient asked, "Why is the scientist's brain was so much cheaper?" The doctor replied, "It's used."
    ~NO Ma'am~

  2. #12
    Megalops Atlanticus Diver Kat's Avatar
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    12/02/2007
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    Time for the sick-o dive-related joke ......


    When Mr. Jones answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Jones, but we have some information about your wife.'

    "What information? Have you found her?" he asked.

    The policeman said, "Well, we have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want first?"

    Fearing the worse, Mr. Jones said, "Give me the bad news first."

    So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay."

    "OH MY GOD!," said Mr. Jones, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

    "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her."

    "Huh?" he said, not understanding. "So, what's the great news?"

    The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

  3. #13
    Grouper
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    10/14/2008
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    Hollywood, FL
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    Three ministers and their wives were carpooling. They got into a horrible accident and all died.

    Standing at the pearly gates, St Peter said to the first couple "I'm sorry but you can't go in." The minister said "why not? I'm a preacher!" And St Peter said "You were far too interested in food during your life on earth. Proven by the fact your wife's name is Cookie."

    The second couple went up to the pearly gates. St Peter said "I'm sorry but you can't go in either." The minister said "why not? I was a preacher my whole life!" And St Peter said "You were far too interested in money. Proven by the fact your wife's name is Penny."

    The third preacher looked at his wife and said "Well, Fannie ..."
    "The sea is not out to get you. It does not even know you exist."

  4. #14
    Grouper
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    If big boob women work at Hooters...



    where do one legged women work?







    IHOP
    ~NO Ma'am~

  5. #15
    Grouper
    Join Date
    11/16/2007
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    Columbia, Sc
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    Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

    "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you." "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?" "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...
    " "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!" "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine." "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
    Almost Lifelike! "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise." "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits." "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here." "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?" "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
    . I'd miss you heaps and think of you often." "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep." "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)
    ~NO Ma'am~

  6. #16
    Shark
    Join Date
    09/29/2007
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    pennsylvania
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    3,995
    bump....
    God is good, no matter what!!

  7. #17
    Megalops Atlanticus Diver Kat's Avatar
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    12/02/2007
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    George Bush and Dick Cheney were at a fancy Washington restaurant. The waitress approaches their table to take their order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad." "Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks,
    "And what do you want, Mr President?" Bush answers: "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."
    With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr. President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

  8. #18
    Megalops Atlanticus Diver Kat's Avatar
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    A fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish."
    "I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband", said the wife.
    The fairy moved her magic wand and - abracadabra! - two tickets appeared in her hands.
    Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
    The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish.
    The fairy made a circle with her magic wand and - abracadabra!
    Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.


    Moral: Men might be bastards.
    But fairies are... female.

  9. #19
    Grouper
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    08/25/2010
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    There were two drunks walking down the street. Along the way they came across a Heineken delivery truck with the keys in the ignition. The first drunk says to the second "Look - all we have to do is jump i the truck and we've got an entire load of beer"

    The second drunk replys "Dumb idea - where in the world are we going to find the second truck?"

  10. #20
    Grouper
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    08/25/2010
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    Upstate New York
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    The shortest Fairy Tale:

    A boy askes a girl to marry him.
    The girl refuses.
    The boy lives happily ever after.

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