I can't stand this! I'm going to my attorney in the morning!

[neogeo]

As some of you remember I posted I might be a father... Well at 1:30 am I recieve a text from her saying "I had the baby this morning and she's not your, we tested this morning" It takes days to weeks to find out correct?

[navyhmc]

Take a deep breath Geoff and try to relax. There are some basic tests that can be done that results come back relatively fast. basic blood typing for example. If the child has a match or co-match with mom and a suspected dad that was present at the time, it coud be considered a match. Does she know your blood type? If you are A and she is O and the child is B, there is no chance your the dad.

I would recommend that you take a low approach at first and get info on what the test was and how did it conclusively rule you out as the father. If the answer does seem like a plausible test, ask to see the results. Remember that lawyers take money-lots and lots of money.

And not to make any presumptions or accusations, but there could also be other immediately obvious indicators that you are not the dad.

Remember: Stop, Breath, Think, then Act.

[neogeo]

My brother, sister and I all have different blood types, how would that be a deciding factor? I want a court accreditable test done.

[snagel]

Neo,

I don't know the history here nor have I read any of the previous posts concerning this. Yes, at some point you need something definate, but for lack of better words...calm down take a deep breath and think. You don't want to make any irrational "moves" at this point. I'm sure this is a very emotional situation for everybody, but "flying off the handle" right now isn't what you want to do. You are reacting to a one sentence text message. Find out the facts and make a calculated next move based on thinking it through and not emotions.

We are here to support you. We are not experts in this type of thing, but we are outsiders not tied to emotion and will help with guidance if you want it. Navyhms is correct - listen to him....he's been around the block a few times.

Snagel

[fire diver]

I understand why Geoff wants a lawyer. If the child is his, he has the right to part of her life. If the child is not his, he needs legal exemption so that she can't come after him for child support. Either way will require a legal paternaty test and from the sounds of it, it will require a lawyer to get it done.

I do recommend what the others have said, to take a deep breath before you act. Make sure your actions aren't irrational or hasty.

[gNats]

Geoff,

At 3:30 in the morning, you and the ex, are in no condition to logically or rationally decide what is the truth and the best course of action.

And, remember that things that are said while under duress take a very long time to heal. Being under stress is never a magical excuse that makes everything better.

And, there are many, many men on this forum that will bitterly debate with you parental rights when the woman says "uh huh". It is the one area of our society that I vehemtly disagree with. I feel very sorry that you are going to have to fight a system that was almost designed against men. A cool head is going to be very necessary or your battle will be even worse than most.

For what it is worth, and without any clear understanding whether this statement is true or not:

Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.

Weeks from now, if the truth is learned and you are the father, that simple statement may have never been said to you.

[BubblesMcCoy]

Originally Posted by neogeo

My brother, sister and I all have different blood types, how would that be a deciding factor? I want a court accreditable test done.

As always Navy's advice is really good. The only thing that I would add is for you to add your name to your state's putative father registry. The registry allows guys in your situation to make a legal claim that you may be the father. It's usually free and you do not need an attorney to file, usually the Department of Human Services or Children and Families department runs this or can tell you where to go.

All the registry does is to serve as legal notice to the court that there may be conflicting paternity claims. It's not going to solve your problems, but it will be a good start. It also demonstrates that you are serious about establishing a relationship with the child.

A lawyer may still be in the cards for you, but that is an expensive decision that you should make after you've had a chance for the shock to wear off. In the mean time, the registry will give you something to focus on that will be constructive for you in the longrun.

Things will work out but it will probably take some time. So take a deep breath and make all your actions at this point work for you.

[fisheater]

As it would appear that you're heading into a legal and emotional maelstrom, here's my best advice (based upon being a lawyer and a dad).

(1) Stop posting about this issue. Everything you post and have posted can and will be used against you.

(2) Consult an experienced family law specialist. Most attorneys wouldn't know what to do and would burn a lot of time (read "your money") figuring it out. Find someone who does this for a living. Even a 1/2 hour consultation could bring you a lot of useful information and comfort, not to mention a realistic action plan.

(3) Until you've done the above, don't initiate any communications with the mother.

(4) Seek emotional support from your family and very close friends. You're not alone.

I don't know you, but I truly wish you the best of luck.

[UofTOrange]

I agree, stop posting on this issue, you don't need proof of anything you've said while emotional. There is as much good advice as you are going to get already on this thread

[BubblesMcCoy]

Originally Posted by UofTOrange

I agree, stop posting on this issue, you don't need proof of anything you've said while emotional. There is as much good advice as you are going to get already on this thread

None of this is bad advice, but let's keep things in perspective. This isn't a criminal matter and nothing that you've posted today suggests anything other than the reaction of a normal guy who cares deeply about a child that he may have helped create.

I would definitely talk to your attorney if you already have one, and do whatever he/she advises. Remember, free legal advice is worth what you've paid for it.