Diving Jokes

[DiverBoy100]

Here are some of my favorite jokes...

Two divers were checking a new reef when they saw a shark. The shark circled them, menacingly. One diver took off his fins and reached inside his BC and pulled out a pair of super-power fins.His buddy signaled: What? You can't out swim a shark!The diver signaled back: I don't have to out swim the shark - I only have to out swim you!My SCUBA instructor always stressed that you should never go diving alone. If you have equipment problems, your buddy can help you. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you meet an aggressive shark, your odds are 50-50 instead of 100%.

How do you know if your buddy is NARC...

1. He keeps staring at himself in your mask.2. You find him buddy breathing with a shark.3. He pees in his dry suit.4. His mask fogs under water and he spits in it.5. Your mask fogs and he spits in it.6. He looks at you cross-eyed and slurs his bubbles

How to fail your Open Water Test...

1. Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.2. Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.3. Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "wossies".4. Show up with a set of tables based on your own algorithm "that's WAY better".5. Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.6. Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.7. Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 2000 pounds of air in it.8. When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

The following is my favoit diving joke I can say this because I am PADI DM

Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink. The SSI instructor says to his students, Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive. The NAUI instructor says to his students, Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore. The PADI instructor says to his students, Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!HOPE YOU ENJOY

[gibson1525]

i like the PADI joke, very funny!

[Silverlode]

Great jokes. I enjoyed them.
However, it would be easier to read if you separate the jokes, so that they don't read as one

[moosicman]

yeahhhhh ...whatsup with that.......just kidding.....great jokes....whos got more....????

[kenmendes]

The PADI joke was a good one

[gibson1525]

there are some great ones here

[h2odragon1]

Only $25? Not a real PADI instructor!

[Chad]

Good site. Very funny.

[Steve Scuba]

Heh, I like the one with the 2000 pounds of air. I guess that cylinder really does weigh a ton!

[Silverlode]

Originally Posted by gibson1525

i like the PADI joke, very funny!

Originally Posted by gibson1525

there are some great ones here

Thanks Gibson. I'm not going to be able to go sleep now.

Edit: But at least I'd be out of ST Forum till tomorrow.